My body battle

Whoa, it's been awhile since I've been on here. Oops. No reason, really, except things have been pretty busy but also pretty much the same, so nothing really new to write about.

I'm still running and that's still going well; I should have no problem with my 5K run in September. And I think I'm starting to see the changes - however small - that regular running can make on a body. I've actually started looking at my body and thinking, "I look okay." rather than thinking, "Ugh."

But I'm also going through a body battle between what I see in the mirror and how my clothes fit (and what the scale is saying to me, the odd time I jump on it).

I was sorting through my clothes the other day, making a pile for donation, when I came across a pair of knee-length shorts that I hadn't pulled out yet this summer. I've had them for a few years but they're still holding up so I thought that I'd get one more season out of them - except they don't fit. Realizing this caused me to cry for about half an hour. (Seriously.) I got over it but I still feel bad about myself because of this. The other weird thing, though, is that other things that fit me at the beginning of the summer are now too big for me; one pair of shorts I bought two months ago are so baggy that you could pull them off me while they're still buttoned up.

And it's all very annoying and discouraging because I don't know what will fit me from day to day nor do I know if I should feel good about myself and how my body is changing because of my running or if I should feel bad about myself because I'm clearly gaining too much weight and need to stop.

I know that most people would just go with the "feel good about myself" plan, but I'm not most people and my brain just can't seem to work that way. And, of course, the wedding countdown is on (just over three months to go!) so I feel extra terrible for not being thinner than I am. But I also feel strong and proud for regularly running 5 kilometres at a time.

Really, I just don't know what cues I should be looking for in my battle with my body. Or maybe I'm just not fully accepting that I'm bigger than I ever should be and need to start some hardcore dieting STAT.

I honestly just don't know.

The Great Pants Shopping Debacle of 2013

After the holidays, none of my jeans fit. (At least none of the jeans I wanted to wear; my skinny jeans still fit which was just cruel because at that point I felt everything BUT skinny.) Because denim is a staple of my office wardrobe this was a bit of a problem so I had to suck it up and venture into the deepest pits of pain and insanity and go...pants shopping.

I've mentioned before that I love shopping and I do, just not always for myself. One of my favourite shopping pastimes is to pick out clothes for the Beau and when we shop together, he always has huge success. But shopping for myself is just not that fun.

A woman needs pants, though, so the Beau and I ventured into Sherway Gardens to find me some jeans. I wanted to get good quality denim though I balk at spending $200 or more on jeans; I just can't do it. The other main factor in my pants shopping is my size and knowing what stores will fit me. I don't even bother with True Religion or Jean Machine or Aritizia because they don't carry sizes that fit my bottom half and I just don't need that kind of embarrassment. It's already hard enough going into some stores and having to go for the largest size on the rack, not knowing if it will actually fit.

So I had my stores in mind: Gap, Banana Republic and Jacob. Sherway Gardens is a fairly large mall with dozens of women's stores and I had three to go to. THREE. Roots and Eddie Bauer also made the short list if I struck out at any of these ones. We started with Banana Republic, where the Beau had to drag me away from the wrap dresses to the denim wall. I've never actually tried on pants at Banana Republic and thought I'd give it a shot - until I chickened out. I made an excuse that the pants were too expensive and we left.

Jacob was second on the list and having a huge sale so I stocked up on things to try (if I'm going into a change room, I'd better have at least four things to try on). I managed to squeeze myself into three pairs of jeans (one pair was eliminated instantly) but - miraculously - two pairs fit! I tried very hard to focus on the fact that they fit rather than the fact they were the largest size available in the store and was mostly successful. While one pair was far too long (and hemming would have eliminated the boot-cut leg) I did buy a pair of straight-leg jeans.

We then went to Gap where, after trying on eight pairs, I managed to find two (TWO!) that fit. The saleswoman at Gap was most wonderful too; I think she could tell that, for me, trying on pants was akin to death by a thousand cuts so she brought me various sizes and styles and always complimented me when I came out of the change room. The Beau was also wonderful the entire time, reminding me that it wasn't my body that was weird, it was how the clothing industry decided to size things.

So I was able to leave the mall with three new pairs of jeans. Why a debacle, you say? Because the whole experience completely destroyed my self-confidence, nevermind that I was still bloated and soft from an overly indulgent holiday. Sure, I probably went pants shopping at the worst time (body-wise) but when nothing fit, it was a necessary evil. And the frustration and self-defeat I felt was almost overwhelming. Had I been alone, there's a very good chance I would have left several stores either near tears or in tears.

Clothing sizes are so ridiculous but they still exist as another number to be applied to our bodies and it's something I continue to struggle with (and have written about here many times). Men have it easy when it comes to pants: waist size + inseam, all in inches. Women? We get that stupid 2/4/6/etc sizing and depending on the store, the number can equal different waist sizes. In one place, a size 12 equals a 32" waist while another store has size 14 at a 32" waist and yet another puts the size 14/16 at a 32" waist. And then other stores have denim sized in inches and other pants sized in single or double digits. AND they don't have pants sizes that go as high as denim sizes so when I think I've found a store where I can buy pants I learn I can only buy denim there because the pants sizes don't go big enough for me. (Seriously, who decided THAT was a good idea? Wouldn't you want a person to come back to your store for everything, not just jeans?)

After shopping, I posted on Facebook about how I'll never understand how women's pants sizes work and many of my friends expressed their own frustration - and these women were of all shapes and sizes! So that got me thinking: who on Earth are these clothing sizes made for? I mean, there must be SOME woman out there who fits into these sizes, no matter what? Because women come in all shapes and sizes and, yes, I know there's no such thing as "one size fits all", but if so many of us have problems finding pants that fit, why haven't pants sizes changed?

(Though I suppose my Facebook feed is not quite enough evidence to support my sweeping generalizations, but still.)

Today I'm wearing my jeans from Jacob and I feel good in them. They're not cutting into my stomach nor are they too tight anywhere. But this morning, after drying off from my shower, I caught sight of my belly and it wasn't pretty. So I'm conflicted: I'm sitting here in pants that fit me well and are comfortable to wear yet I know that my stomach is bigger than I'd like and that my jeans are a size bigger than I'd like. Even my successes can easily become failures.

Stupid pants.

WW Weigh-In #26

Week 26! That's halfway through the year! I fully plan to stick to WW for the rest of the year (even with my sporadic points tracking) so this is my midterm weigh-in. I was fully expecting more gain but I was pleasantly surprised:

Last week: 186.8 lb
This week: 185.2 lb
Total lost this week: 1.6 lb

Weight loss target: 181.8 lb
To reach target: 3.4 lb

Once again, I see myself staring down about three and a half pounds from losing 10% of my starting body weight. I want this SO BAD. I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!

Because it's the halfway point of the year, I wanted to also share the good, the bad and the ugly of what I've learned through the past 26 weeks.

Weight
The good: I've lost - and kept off - 15 pounds since starting. 15 pounds COMPLETELY gone!
The bad: I've been slipping of late, gaining and losing the same five pounds. But I'm still working on getting past that.
The ugly: I still get more irritated and annoyed than I should when I see how women are portrayed in the media and the expectations of how they should look. I still need to work on better body acceptance.

Food
The good: I've discovered healthier food that I actually like and I've been enjoying eating better. I'm also getting better with food portions.
The bad: I still have my moments of weakness, usually involving chocolate.
The ugly: Pizza. It's my biggest weakness and I always eat too much. I'm beginning to think it's got to be all or nothing.

Clothes
The good: I'm fitting into smaller sizes! Woo hoo!
The bad: I'm shrinking out of clothes I haven't had for very long.
The ugly: Nada. This is going really well!

Exercise
The good: Through WW, I'm discovering the points values for various activities and, really, I'd rather accumulate as many activity points as I can - which means lots of exercising - which is good for me and my weight!
The bad: I still struggle with motivation, but I'm getting better.
The ugly: I'm not as far as I'd like to be with my running and 5K training, but I'm hoping to turn that around with my Couch to 5K program.

Overall though, I'm happy with what I've been learning and how far I've come. I know I still have work to do and some struggles to overcome but it's still a learning process and I'm going to find that sweet spot where my ideal weight, ideal menu and ideal lifestyle all come together in perfect harmony.

Clothing as progress

This is a black skirt that I own. I quite like this skirt but I haven't worn it in quite awhile as it's been too tight. However, I tried it on the other day and IT FIT! It was even a little loose! While that was very exciting, let me tell you this: I bought this skirt six years ago for a work Christmas party and when I bought it, it was a bit tighter - and tighter than it is now! So I'm in better shape than I was six years ago! That, my friends, is progress worth celebrating!

Then and Now

I've considered myself to be "fat" (you know, the f-word) since I was about 10 years old and my classmates starting saying I was fat. That was 22 years ago and it's only been since joining WW that I've stopped seeing myself as fat and started seeing myself as curvy, fit and healthy.

The irony is that, even at 186.8 lb, I'm still heavier than I ever was at 10 or my teens or even in my 20s. Thinking back, I'd love to be that size again (okay, not the size of a 10-year-old, but you know what I mean). I'm finally on my way to getting there but I never weighed myself back then so I don't know what my target weight is. But I think this is a good thing because I don't want to be beholden to a target number that seems daunting or so out of reach as to discourage me.

So how will I know? The short answer: Reitman's.

(Okay, I'll also give the long answer.)

Growing up in Parry Sound, there weren't a lot of clothing stores for the discerning teen - or any teen, really. There was one trendy store, where you could buy $100 pairs of jeans and logo-emblazoned tees and sweaters. Like any label-conscious teen, I shopped there, but couldn't always afford it. When Reitman's arrived, it was a blessing, as there were suddenly shirts, skirts and casual pants I could buy for decent prices that fit me well. I was also a regular church-goer at this time, so I bought a lot of my dress clothes there, too. I still remember my favourite pair of cargo pants came from Reitman's - and my mom kept wearing them! I even bought her her own pair (in a different colour, so as to differentiate) but she kept wearing mine. Hmph!

Even as a teenager, I was conscious of the size on the label and wanted to keep that number as low as possible. I generally fit into a size 11 at Reitman's, but sometimes had to go for a size 13 - which was soul crushing, to say the least. I think it was also the largest size at the time, which was a double-whammy; no teenager wants to be the biggest size in the store!

Nowadays, I still find myself perusing Reitman's and I've bought a few things from there over the past few years. Most recently, I bought a pair of jeans, size 13 (which is no longer the largest size, but is still size 13). I'm wearing those jeans today and they're getting baggy on me. THIS is the indicator that means so much to me, that I'm shrinking out of one size and into another, the same size I fit into in high school!

(Now I understand that a size 11 in 1995 and a size 11 in 2012 could be very different. But just go with me on this, please?)

Really, it's just taking the focus off one number (weight) and putting it on another (clothing size) but since I never weighed myself before I started my weight loss odyssey, I don't know what my weight was back then. Short of bugging my now-retired family doctor from those years to check old patient files to find my weight (which I'm sure would never happen anyways) the only measure I have is clothing sizes.

And despite my desire to not focus so much on my weight and clothing sizes, I do need something to measure, at least until I get to my goal weight. I'm hoping that once I hit that target, I'll be able to put the focus more on maintaining my good eating and exercise habits and weighing in will help keep me on track, but won't my main focus. No matter what, though, the scale and the clothing sizes are going down and THAT is just what I want!

The motivation to keep going

Wanting to lose weight is easy. It's probably the easiest part of the whole weight loss journey. If I had a dime for every time I said, "I want to lose [insert number here] pounds" I'd have no trouble buying a new wardrobe for my thinner self.

Of course it's a big step between wanting and doing and I'm so proud and happy that I finally took that big step. It also helps that I've seen such great results. But, I'll admit, it's already starting to get harder. Like anything new, it was easy and fun the first couple of weeks. I was making all the right choices, exercising lots and taking great satisfaction in watching my points totals come in at the right amount each day. And let's not forget the scale and that awesome progress I made in the first few weeks.

And then, like anything new, the shine wears off and chocolate is much more tempting and working out seems like more of a pain than a pleasure and old habits start to creep back in. It would be so easy to just have a cheeseburger for lunch - just today, as a treat - and a cookie tomorrow - again, just one - and suddenly undo so much of my progress. I want to succeed in losing weight and I want to succeed on Weight Watchers (and not just because I'm paying for it) but sometimes that isn't enough to motivate me to keep going.

So what does motivate me?

1. My thighs
I've always had muscular legs and I know they'll never look like Gwyneth Paltrow's and I'm okay with that. But I would like them to stop rubbing together when I walk. There was a time in my life when they did not and I can feel them getting smaller. How? Less friction. And I want no friction.

2. The Beau
I would never lose weight for a man. But the Beau has been so incredibly supportive and encouraging and it's been great motivation. He's also happily changed his eating habits (which were pretty good to begin with) so there isn't bad food in the house to tempt me. And when he cooks he always strives to use WW-friendly (read: low-point) ingredients and he is careful with portion sizes when dishing up my meals. His support means so much to me!

3. How I look
This might be obvious, but I sometimes forgot to actually look at myself. Before, I hated the sight of myself and avoided mirrors as much as possible. Now, I notice that my stomach is less pudgy and, when I smile, my double chin is less chinny. And other people are noticing and commenting too.

4.  Spring clothing
After a few seasons of pastels and neutrals and other kind of dull clothing, I'm in love with the bright colours for spring (though neon might be taking it too far). I'm going to have the money to buy pretty clothes so why not have the body to fit into them? Just the thought of not having to buy the largest size in the store is a HUGE motivator.

5. My dad
Years ago, my dad told me it was okay to be big. He didn't mean anything malicious by it; he was just stating a fact, which is just like my dad. But it's stayed with me and, while I know he doesn't love me any less because I'm a bit curvier, I want to be thinner. It may be okay to be big, but I don't want to be anymore.

Revamping my wardrobe

I've come to the realisation that starting a weight loss regime in January is a great idea in the "it's a new year and I'm going to lose weight" sense but a bad idea in the "I love clothes shopping and there are SO MANY SALES right now!" sense.

I've finally admitted to myself (and the Beau) that I'm a bit of a shopaholic. I really do enjoy buying new things. I am getting better, though, at not buying something every time I'm out, but it can be hard sometimes. Just wait until we get a house! (Sorry, dear.)

One of the promises I made to myself this year is to buy clothes that fit, regardless of the size on the tag. Another promise I've made is to start buying investment clothing, rather than the ubiquitous "fast fashion" items.

And this is where weight loss + January sales collide so unfairly. Yesterday I found two pieces at Banana Republic that I absolutely love and would love to own and that I feel will be pieces I'll wear for years (provided I keep the weight steady). 

The first is this amazing polka-dot skirt:

I've wanted something polka-dotted for awhile now but I can never find anything dotty that I like. It either feels too retro or too clownish. But this sets my heart aflutter. At $110 though, it's investment clothing territory.









And second, a striped shirt with elbow patches(!):

It also comes in navy, pink and green but I'm kind of loving the red. Plus, I've got enough striped shirts in navy and white to not need another. And I'm obsessed with elbow patches for some reason which makes this shirt even better. And it's a good price at $62.







The big thing is that I shouldn't be buying clothes at this stage. I should be waiting until I've lost at least 10 pounds, if not more. Though I've said that when I hit my second weight loss goal I'll reward myself with clothing, so maybe it should be this sweater.

But whether I buy these now or later, I'm going to make more of an effort to buy clothes I can wear for years and years, not just because they're fashionable but because they're classic pieces that fit me well. And it's well-fitting clothes that are most important; if clothes fit me well, I'll look good and feel good and that's what I want!

Welcome to 2012!

This is going to be a good year and not just because I'm pretty sure the Mayans were wrong.  It's only January 2 but there are already a few good things in the air for this year, including:

- the Beau and I hope to buy a house (!!!)
- my student loans should be finally paid off (!!!!)
- I'm hoping to run a 5K in the fall (!?!?!?!)

As for my 2011 goals, I didn't really end up where I wanted to with them. The closest I came was with my student debt. I wanted to be at $5,000 owing and I'm sitting at about $5,200, which is still damn good. I paid off about $11,000 this past year which I'm ridiculously proud of. My other goals, though, not so much...

With my running, I'm still doing well but only managed to hit 4k before the end of the year and that's still with walking breaks. But I'm going to keep working at that because I do enjoy running.

The rest of my goals were all dependent on my weight and fitting into clothes and that just didn't happen. When I started my weight loss plans, I weighed 200.2 lb. I weighed myself today to see where I was and I'm currently at 202.0 lb.

That's right: despite all my weight yo-yoing and missed targets and readjustments I managed to finish the year weighing more than when I started. To be honest, I'm fighting back tears right now but I know some of that weight gain is superficial; I haven't been drinking as much water as I usually do so I bet that within a couple of days I'll be down a couple of pounds as I rehydrate and get some of the salt out of my system. And I've also eaten rather well the past two weeks (read: delicious yet not healthy). Over the course of the Christmas season, I've had lobster; baked potatoes and mashed potatoes; turkey with gravy; stuffing with sausage; roast beef; roast ham (twice!); barbequed goose; pecan tarts; shortbread; bacon and eggs at least four times for breakfast; at least two bottles of wine to myself; cheese (delicious, delicious cheese); and myriad chocolates and other sweets. I've also worked out once since December 22 - though I did have a lovely walk with some of the Beau's family over the holidays.

While eating like this is to be expected this time of year, it doesn't make me feel any better. Right now, I feel lumpy and swollen and soft and doughy and I really hate that feeling. So I'm going to keep up with my weigh loss goals and weekly weigh-ins but there's a new twist. This afternoon, as a gift to myself, I joined Weight Watchers online.

I know other people who have used/are using Weight Watchers to great success and I just wasn't doing what I needed to do on my own. I put off joining Weight Watchers saying that I should spend my money on my debt repayment but the real reason was because I felt like a failure by seeking help. See, I have a real problem asking for and accepting help. I always feel like I should be able to do things on my own - and when I can't I just quit. But losing weight is something I really need to do to feel better about myself. Right now, I don't even want the Beau - the man who has committed to loving me for the rest of our lives - to see me naked. How awful is that?! Really awful is the correct answer.

So I'm accepting help and not feeling ashamed about it. Instead, I'm feeling proud and excited because now I'll have a real structure and schedule to work with (and, let's face it, that's what I love - it's what I do professionally, for the most part!) and clear goals. Here's the breakdown:

- I've set Wednesday as my weigh-in day so I'll be keeping up that part of the plan.
- my daily points are at 32.
- my weekly extra points are 49
- my weekly activity points are 14

Since I just signed up less than an hour ago, I'm going to start tracking all my meals tomorrow. (Today is also my last day of holidays, so I feel like I should be allowed one last day of sloth and gluttony.) My first goal is to lose 5% of my weight, which would bring me to 191.9 lb. I'm hoping to see that number sooner than later!

To go along with this, I've been thinking about what kind of rewards I'd like to give myself because, hey, I should be rewarded, right? There are two things I have in mind: clothes and books. I have a list of 10 books I'd like to read and I've been thinking a lot about my personal style and the fact that I don't really have one and what I'd like to cultivate as my style. So as I hit each goal I'm going to reward myself with either a book or an item of clothing. My first reward will be a book as I'm hoping to be lighter before I buy more clothes!

Phew, what a long entry! Losing weight won't be my only plan for 2012 but it's the main one. I'll post later about the other things I'd like to accomplish this year and I'll be back on Wednesday to track my weight.

Here's to a happy, healthy, lighter 2012!

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #35 and Goals Update

Hi guys!  Remember me?  That tardy blogger?  Yeah.  I started this post Thursday at work and I'm finally posting it Friday.  Yeesh.

I haven't been ignoring my blogging duties on purpose, it's just that life got in the way - but it's been good.  I haven't talked much about my happy health of late and that's still important to me and an important part of overall health.  The reason I haven't been talking about it is because I'm in such a good place, happy-wise.  Despite some previous setbacks and a rough day here and there, I've been super happy.  It likely has to do with the Christmas season because I LOVE this time of year but I'm also at a good place in my life.  To be cliche, things are falling (and have fallen) into place.  And it's grand.

But that doesn't mean I don't still have goals or that I'm not getting on the scale.  Since I skipped blogging about my weigh-in last week (but I did weigh in), let's start there:

Two weeks ago: forgot to weigh in
Last week: 196.6 lb
This week 196.4 lb (-0.2 lb)

I've decided I need a new scale.  It's digital and when I turn it on it automatically shows 4 lb, even though no one and nothing is on it.  I reset it after this of course, but I'm always wondering if it's phantomly adding 4 lb.  So I'm going to buy a new one.  Take THAT, scale!

(And for the record, not thrilled with this number but I feel good and think I look pretty good, so I'm not going to stress too much).

So how goes everything else?  Let's see:

Goal:Run - I'm slowly getting back into running regularly but I'm stalling out at about 3 km.  I also need to get a refill on my Ventalin inhaler so I can continue to breathe.  Once I do this I should be able to get my distance back up there.  Lately I've been running out of breath before I run out of energy.

Goal:Food - Work has been so busy of late that I've completely fallen off doing this.  I need to get back into it because I know I do well for most of the day but fall apart in the evenings (usually evenings spent at work when all there is to snack on is Tim Horton's and vending machines and chocolates. Note to self: bring more snacks to work.)

Goal:Weight - So I'm pretty much not going to hit 170 lb by the end of the year.  Right now, I just want to be below 190 lb.  I think if I can keep up the workouts (and running) and really pay attention to what I eat I can actually lose this weight during the Christmas season.  Yeah!

Goal:Pants - I meant to take a picture on Thursday night of how my jeans are fitting but I ran out of time.  After December 13 my life gets much calmer, so I'll check it out then.

Goal:Dress - See above.

Goal:Debt - I currently owe $6,725.44 ($5416.01 + $1,309.43).  I racked up huge amounts of overtime but unfortunately it wasn't logged in time to be added to my next paycheque (which I get tomorrow).  So it's two more weeks before my 30+ hours (!) of overtime are added, but when it does come it will be a nice amount to add to my loans.  I'm close...so close!  The other upside is that I'm done all my Christmas shopping so any extra cash that comes my way will be able to go on loans.  Even if my scale number isn't going down, this number is and I'm so proud of that!

So that's where I stand with 22 days left in this year.  What will I be able to cross off this list in the next three weeks?  I'll let you know!

2011 Goal Update #3 and Up-Down Weigh-in #32

 Once again, I"m so late on my goal updates, but it's been a busy few days.  The Beau's birthday was on Friday so we took the day off and explored some neighbourhoods we're considering moving to next year (yup, we hope to buy a house).  Then we had all kinds of meals out, did some errands and went out with friends last night so it's been a great, yet busy, weekend.

Anyways, enough excuses; here's the goal breakdown and my weigh-in for this past Wednesday.

Goal:Plank - Again, not a single plank done in October.  This is officially over. 

Goal:Run - I haven't gone for a run in a couple of weeks, as I was training for my CN Tower stair climb and then battled a cold.  The plan is to get back into it tomorrow.  My current distance is 4.25 km, which is 0.25 km less than I wanted by this point but missing two weeks of running will do that to a person.  I still want to hit 5 km by the end of November so I'm going to keep aiming for that.

Goal:Food - Again, not really doing this.  I'm trying to keep track in my head but it's just not working.  Tomorrow's Monday and a great day to start with the food journal again.  This is something I really need to get back on track with.

Goal:Weight - My last weigh-in on Wednesday had me at 192 lb, so no change from the previous week but I'm still not making the losses I need to hit my target.  But like the running, I'm just going to keep trying. 

Goal:Pants - No dice. 

Goal:Dress - Please see Goal:Pants.  Sigh.

Goal:Debt - My current debt load is $7,822.72.  THIS is the number I really want to see go down and I've got a nice paycheque coming next week, with some ridiculous overtime on it.  That will give me a nice chunk to put on my CIBC loan, on which I owe $2,255.12.  This is the one I really want cleared by the end of the year, even if I can't hit my target of only having $5,000 owing. 

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #29 - better late than never!

Remember last week how annoyed I was with my stupid weight gain?  Well...

Last week: 193.6
This week: 192.4

I'm down 1.2 lb!  Honestly, not too shabby for a post-Thanksgiving weigh-in.  I'm still working at eating well but I haven't been at the gym as much as I'd like - work has suddenly decided to be crazy, stupid, 16-hour-day, can't-leave-my-desk busy.  But I have to go tomorrow; my back is killing me.  If I don't lift weights regularly my back can't deal and gets all achy.  I blame my bosoms.

But even with the weight creeping down, I'm not doing any better with the Goal:Pants:

Hello, muffin top.

Or my Goal:Dress:

Again, I blame my bosoms.

But you can't win them all - as long as I keep losing weight all will be good!

2011 Goal Update #2

It's that time again - to see how I'm doing on my 2011 goals.  And I'm so late on doing this update.  So late.  I wanted to do this sooner; I even started writing this post last week. But then my life got supercalifragilisticexpiali-busy and, well, here we are, updating super late.  Such is life.  Anyhoo, here's the latest rundown:

Goal:Plank - I did not do a single plank in September.  This is because I quickly realized how much I hate doing planks.  HATE.  In all honesty, I don't see me continuing on with this, but I'll give it October before I admit defeat.

Goal:Run - I was having a tough go of it for a bit in September while running: I wasn't able to get anywhere near the distance I needed to meet my goals and I was tiring easily.  But I was able to rebound and I've hit my 4km goal!  Again, it's not four consecutive kilometres, but I'm running four of them all the same.  My current run workout is to walk 0.25 km then run 1 km, for a total distance of 5 km.  This is working out well so far and I'm hoping to slowly turn those walking sections into running sections as I aim for 4.5 km by the end of October.  Still on track!

Goal:Food - Also something I stopped doing was logging my food.  I've signed up for no less than four online food journals and ALL OF THEM are pains in the ass.  The problem with the online journals is that they depend on users to enter foods and the nutritional values.  If a food item isn't entered, you can create it but you need to know the nutritional info for it and that's not the easiest thing, especially if you're eating non-packaged food.  So I'm going back to my pen and paper journal and just writing everything down.  I want to see a nutritionist this month so I'll have something to show for that appointment without spending hours on the computer to log three meals.

Goal:Weight - My goal is to be at 170 lb and on my last update, I was 22.4 lb away from that (and needed to lose 5.6 lb/month).  Today, I'm at 190.2 lb which is 20.2 lb away from my goal.  The good news is that I'm moving in the right direction.  The less-than-good news is that I didn't lose 5.6 lb last month, so now I have to lose 6.7 lb/month to hit my final goal.  While this is still doable, it's at the high end of steady weight loss.  But I'm not going to let that get me down - I'm going to keep trying!

Goal:Pants - I'll provide photo evidence next week.  I simply have not had time to try them on in the past week.  I'm so lame.

Goal:Dress - Please see Goal:Pants.  Blargh.

Goal:Debt - I currently owe $9,162.21, which is $672.88 less than last month's total owing.  I'm also (of course) waiting on more money to be applied to the loan, which will bring it down by another $400 - and bring it under $9,000!  That will mean only $3,762.21 left to pay off this year.  I'm feeling a little less confident right now about hitting my goals, but I should also be racking up some overtime this fall so hopefully that will give me the boost I need.

Overall, the numbers that I want to go down (my weight and my debt) are going down and the number that I want to go up (my running distance) is going up. As for my clothes, check in with me on Wednesday, 'kay?  I promise I'll have something by then!

2011 Goal Update #1

Again, I missed updating my goal statuses on Wednesday, but that's okay because I'm going to do it now!  (Only five days late.  Sheesh.)  So, how am I doing?

Goal:Plank - I'm not going to lie: I didn't do a single plank in Halifax.  I wanted to do one every day for the month of August and, at the end of the month, I was about 60% on that.  Also, I have not done a single one yet in September.  But today is only the 5th so I can start today and still do well this month.  Also, I always find it easier to reset and start again after Labour Day; now that summer is over, it's time to get back into a regular routine.  (I think I still feel this way because I'm still at an age where, for more than half my life, Labour Day marked the end of summer and the beginning of a new school year, so it still feels like a fresh start.)

Goal:Run - in my quest to be able to run 5km, I wanted to increase my mileage (kilometreage?) to 3.5 km by the end of August.  On my last run, I did hit 3.5 km, but it wasn't consecutive; I had to take some walking breaks in between.  But I'm going to take it!  To stay on track, I need to be at 4 km by the end of September and I'm going to keep at it.  I'm right on track!

Goal:Food - as I've mentioned before, I've switched from my hard copy food journal to an online one.  I was doing really well with logging all my food and I had every intention of logging my food during vacation (thanks to a handy-dandy Blackberry app!) but it was a little too involved to do during vacation.  Because the food items and nutrition value depend on users entering information so it can mean A LOT of searching to find the right food at the right portion size.  So I didn't log a single thing while away.  Oops.  But I'm slowly getting back into it and it has been helping; seeing my calorie allotment for the day and watching it dwindle with each item I put in has really made me realize just how many calories get taken up by "just one" cookie.  I'm going to try to maintain this for at least September and hopefully by that point I'll be ready to make the right choices without having to log everything.

Goal:Weight - I'm 22.4 lb away from my goal of 170 lb.  With four months to go, that's 5.6 lb/month to lose.  How easy is that?!

Goal:Pants - not much change.  I was going to try them on and take another photo, but my stomach has been feeling gurgly and gross all weekend, so I'm avoiding anything too tight.

Goal:Dress - pretty much the same thing as the pants. 

Goal:Debt - I currently owe $9,835.09 and this month, there will be more money put towards that number.  I'm confident that I can hit my $5,000 owing by year-end.

All in all, I'm happy with how I'm doing.  It's a big challenge for me, trying to stick with a plan beyond a few weeks.  I always start out with such good intentions and I always fall off the wagon within a week or two.   And having a consistently-shrinking student loan balance will also help me because at least I'll be making headway towards one goal. 

So, tomorrow marks a big reset button for me.  Briefly I felt nostalgic for school and that back-to-school feeling.  Then I remembered how much I hated high school and how happy I am now with the Beau and the kitty and I'm just fine to have my own kind of back-to to do. 

Back to my goals!

Goal Recap

Over a few posts, I've listed out the various goals I want to achieve between now and December 31, 2011.  Here's a quick recap:

Goal:Plank - do a plank a day for the month of August (and - why not? - the rest of the year)

Goal:Run - be able to run 5 km

Goal:Food - maintain a food journal

Goal:Weight - weigh 170 lb

Goal:Pants - fit into my Esprit jeans

Goal:Dress - fit into my pretty purple dress

Goal:Debt - to have only $5,000 remaining on my student loads

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Plank-a-day update: 10/12 (I missed yesterday out of laziness/forgetfulness - worst excuse ever)

Goal:Dress

My mom bought this very cute dress on the sale rack at a store in Parry Sound and since it didn't quite fit her, she offered it to me.  I really like it and - at a size 12 - was hopeful it would fit:

From the front, it doesn't look too bad; it's a little tight across the abdomen, but not unbearably so.  The problem is when I turn around:

I can't get the sucker zipped up.  It is possible that I'll never be able to fit it; my rib cage might be too big (and I'd rather not lose any bone mass).  But if I'm able to lose an inch or two off my chest I should be able to get the dress done up. 

GOAL: Fit into my super-cute purple-dotted Parry Sound dress

STATUS: Can't zip the damn thing up

PLAN: Keep doing what I'm doing

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Plank-a-day update: 7/8

Goal:Pants

Over a year ago, I ordered some clothes from Esprit.  I have lots of luck finding stuff that fits at Esprit and wanted to take advantage of the great deals that can be found on its website.  I ordered several things: a t-shirt; a tank top; a pencil skirt; a dress; and a pair of jeans.  Amazingly, everything fit...except the jeans.  Now, Esprit does offer free returns but you have to send the package from a DHL depot - which are not exactly in abundance (the nearest one to me is in Burlington and it would have cost more in gas to drive there and back than the jeans I bought).  So I've had the jeans kicking around, thinking I would offer them to various friends and whoever fit them would get them.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to try them on, just for fun.  The first time I tried them on, I couldn't get them over my hips.  Suddenly ---- I COULD!  So these pants have now become Goal:Pants.

GOAL: Fit into my Esprit jeans

STATUS:

The pictures isn't the best, but I think you can tell that the jeans don't exactly fit well.  They're much too tight around the mid-section and I'm not sure I can sit down in them. 

PLAN: Keep doing what I'm doing!

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Plank-a-day update: 6/7

Again with pants sizes

Remember when I was all excited about the size 12 pants I picked up at H&M?  I've worn them a couple of times now and they're a great pair of summer pants - light and cotton and super comfy.  The catch?

Please excuse my pale, hasn't-seen-the-sun-in-10-years abdomen.

They don't fit anymore!  They're too big!  And it's not like I've lost gobs of weight or anything, but I guess I've lost enough since I bought them that they don't fit. 

Of course I'm excited about this - I rather like shrinking out of clothes.  But I can't help but feel frustrated that these particular size 12 pants are too big, while many other size 14 pants I own and other I try on in stores are still fitting (or are even a bit tight), while most other size 12 pants (including H&M pants) don't even come close to making it over my hips.

Honestly, I'm jealous of men and their pants sizing: waist sizes.  Why can't women's pants be like that?  Most jeans are and that seems to work out just fine.  So why is it that any non-denim pants have to be sized starting at 0 and going up by two? 

I just don't get it. 

(Although now I'm tempted to try to find these pants again and try on a size 10, if only for the ego boost!)

If the shirt fits...

When I go shopping, I hate trying things on.  I think this stems from two things: my dislike of looking at myself in the mirror and the fact that most stores don't carry my size or have clothes that fit me well.

I always found it discouraging when stuff wouldn't fit or fit properly, so I just stopped trying things on.  If I saw something I liked, I'd guess at my size, take it home to try on in private and, when it inevitably didn't fit, return it.  (Although sometimes I'd hang on to that pair of pants or skirt that was just a bit too small and plan to lose weight to fit into it.  That never worked out.)

It wasn't until I started shopping with the Beau that I really started trying things on.  The reason?  Most of the places we'd go shopping we had to drive to, so it wouldn't be easy for me to return things if they didn't work out.  I know, a terrible reason to try clothes on, but there you go.

Now when the Beau and I shop together, I always try things on, which is good, but I still haven't been able to shake my "guess-and-grab" method of shopping.  Why do I bring this up?  Today I'm wearing a top and cardigan that I've received multiple compliments on...and both I just picked up off the rack and bought.  So sometimes it does work out.

Also, the top is from H&M while the cardigan is from Old Navy - two stores that don't have consistent sizing practices, at least when it comes to me fitting into clothes. 

The moral of this rambling, rather pointless story?  I know I should try clothes on but I'm still getting there in terms of accepting my size and being willing to look at myself.  But we're going shopping again this weekend and I've slimmed out a bit since our last winter shop, so maybe this will be the turning point and I'll try clothes on, not just out of necessity but out of desire as well.

The only thing better than putting on last year's shorts...

...is putting on last year's shorts and finding they're TOO BIG!

That's a progress WIN!

Out with the old, in with the...old

Every time a new season rolls around, I want to go shopping.  I particularly like spring because of all the bright, pretty colours that come with the season and this year, coral is a big trend and my current colour obsession so all I want to do is wander around the mall and look at pretty clothes.  Coral combined with stripes and my world is complete.

The problem is that my closet and drawers are filled to bursting with so many things I don't wear/like/fit/want - so today I finally buckled down and went through my clothes.  Two big bags of donation clothing later, my closet and drawers could breathe again.  Do you know what else could breathe?  Me.  In jeans that were too tight a mere six months ago. 

HUZZAH! 

I also discovered I can get into a denim skirt that used to be too tight and I'm fitting better into some other clothes.  So here I was thinking I needed more denim - but I already have what I need and I look smoking in it too.

I've also been searching for blazers for what feels like forever, with no luck finding anything that fits.  But then...on Thursday after work I stopped by the Goodwill near my office and picked up two blazers for $10 total.  And one blazer is from Holt Renfrew.  SCORE. 

So a mere $10 and a little bit of work and I've got two new blazers, a pair of jeans and a skirt to rock this spring.  That totally makes up for forgoing Easter chocolate this year.