An indefinite scale hiatus

Remember how I said I'd start back up with the weigh-ins the Wednesday after the long weekend? Well, the more astute of you would have noticed that the Wednesday after the long weekend came and went with nary a weigh-in blog post.

Now, I did get on the scale. Turns out I weigh more than I did before I started Weight Watchers.

But here's the other thing: I've had people tell me recently (like on Thursday) that I look slimmer and I have been asked if I've lost weight.

Which means there have definitely been changes happening to my body, which is good, but they aren't changes that are necessarily identified by the number on the scale. Some of my clothes are tighter on me now but other pieces fit me the same as when I was a lower weight.

So when you combine this with my deeply entrenched angst towards other numbers (like clothing sizes) I think it might be good for me to not weigh in. I know that is a big part of the Weight Watchers program but I just don't want to take part in that weekly weigh-in anymore. I'm still going to remain part of Weight Watchers because there are a lot of benefits to it and I did successfully lose almost 20 lb before.

And I am still going to blog, to talk about the wedding and the house and my life and, yes, my efforts to get in better shape and to be healthier. It's just I can't do the scale right now. Maybe one day I will go back to it and I will find my motivation in that number but right now it's stresses me out more than it helps and if I want to get in better shape - physically, mentally and emotionally - I need to stick to the things that help, not hinder.

So now begins the indefinite scale hiatus.

The dumps

I've been in the dumps lately, for reasons known and unknown, and decided it would be a good idea to hop on the scale. You know, just to see how things were going.

Bad idea.

I'm supposed to be back into my weekly weigh-ins next Wednesday and I'm slowly coming to two realizations:

1 - My current weight may be as good as it gets for me.
2 - This completely depresses me.

Yeah.

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #36

Yes it's Monday. Yes I'm finally posting about my weigh-in last Wednesday. But I have good reason for being late: I doubted the accuracy of my scale and had to figure out how to test it. The solution presented itself over the weekend, as I started my Christmas baking and a key part of baking is flour. So while shopping for ingredients I picked up an 11 lb bag of flour - which turned out to be the perfect thing to test my scale, as I know exactly how much it weighs.

Boo-yah!

I had convinced myself my scale was off and felt rather smug when putting the bag of flour on said scale. And the reading? 

11 pounds.  Which is how much the bag of flour weighs. Which means my scale works just fine. Which means my weight is what it say it is. Which is rather shitty.

So...the weigh-in:

Last week: 196.4 lb
This week: 196.4 lb

Okay, no change is better than gaining.  I'll go with that.  Still, I'd like to get that last 6.4 lb off before January 1. (Actually, I'd like to get 6.5 lb off so the scale reads less than 190 lb. Yup, I'm so splitting hairs on this.)

So there you have it. My scale works, my weight isn't dropping (but also not climbing) and I baked all weekend.  Though I did learn something while baking: if you ever want to know how bad a dessert is, just make it from scratch. I'm looking at you, pecan pie with 1 cup of corn syrup.

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #35 and Goals Update

Hi guys!  Remember me?  That tardy blogger?  Yeah.  I started this post Thursday at work and I'm finally posting it Friday.  Yeesh.

I haven't been ignoring my blogging duties on purpose, it's just that life got in the way - but it's been good.  I haven't talked much about my happy health of late and that's still important to me and an important part of overall health.  The reason I haven't been talking about it is because I'm in such a good place, happy-wise.  Despite some previous setbacks and a rough day here and there, I've been super happy.  It likely has to do with the Christmas season because I LOVE this time of year but I'm also at a good place in my life.  To be cliche, things are falling (and have fallen) into place.  And it's grand.

But that doesn't mean I don't still have goals or that I'm not getting on the scale.  Since I skipped blogging about my weigh-in last week (but I did weigh in), let's start there:

Two weeks ago: forgot to weigh in
Last week: 196.6 lb
This week 196.4 lb (-0.2 lb)

I've decided I need a new scale.  It's digital and when I turn it on it automatically shows 4 lb, even though no one and nothing is on it.  I reset it after this of course, but I'm always wondering if it's phantomly adding 4 lb.  So I'm going to buy a new one.  Take THAT, scale!

(And for the record, not thrilled with this number but I feel good and think I look pretty good, so I'm not going to stress too much).

So how goes everything else?  Let's see:

Goal:Run - I'm slowly getting back into running regularly but I'm stalling out at about 3 km.  I also need to get a refill on my Ventalin inhaler so I can continue to breathe.  Once I do this I should be able to get my distance back up there.  Lately I've been running out of breath before I run out of energy.

Goal:Food - Work has been so busy of late that I've completely fallen off doing this.  I need to get back into it because I know I do well for most of the day but fall apart in the evenings (usually evenings spent at work when all there is to snack on is Tim Horton's and vending machines and chocolates. Note to self: bring more snacks to work.)

Goal:Weight - So I'm pretty much not going to hit 170 lb by the end of the year.  Right now, I just want to be below 190 lb.  I think if I can keep up the workouts (and running) and really pay attention to what I eat I can actually lose this weight during the Christmas season.  Yeah!

Goal:Pants - I meant to take a picture on Thursday night of how my jeans are fitting but I ran out of time.  After December 13 my life gets much calmer, so I'll check it out then.

Goal:Dress - See above.

Goal:Debt - I currently owe $6,725.44 ($5416.01 + $1,309.43).  I racked up huge amounts of overtime but unfortunately it wasn't logged in time to be added to my next paycheque (which I get tomorrow).  So it's two more weeks before my 30+ hours (!) of overtime are added, but when it does come it will be a nice amount to add to my loans.  I'm close...so close!  The other upside is that I'm done all my Christmas shopping so any extra cash that comes my way will be able to go on loans.  Even if my scale number isn't going down, this number is and I'm so proud of that!

So that's where I stand with 22 days left in this year.  What will I be able to cross off this list in the next three weeks?  I'll let you know!

I hate the scale

And the scale hates me.

I'm going to do another goals update tomorrow so I'll add my weigh-in update to that.  Needless to say, not impressed by the number on the scale and unsure how one gains that much weight in two weeks.

Le sigh.

Um...where did the week go?

I woke up this morning all excited it was Friday and realized - I didn't get on the scale on Wednesday.  I didn't even think about getting on the scale.  In fact, I barely even noticed I missed my weekly weigh-in.

Why?  It's been a nutsy week at work.  We finished a regular issue on Tuesday and we're currently working on our Newsmakers issue, which goes to the printer today so we've done two magazines in a week, which is not the norm.  Hence my life not being any kind of norm.  Though I have managed to get home most nights this week before the Beau went to bed, which is always nice.  There have been work weeks where I haven't seen him awake for three days at a time. 

But back to the weigh-in: I'm just going to let it go and get back on track next week.  After all, why stress about that kind of thing?  The world will not end if I don't get on a scale. 

Happy Friday everyone!

Weighing in on the scale

Ever since I decided to take a break from the scale, I've felt like I've lost my anchor to this blog.  After all, what is weight loss without measuring how much has (not) been lost? 

Of course, I'm not just blogging about weight loss but about getting healthy and being away from the scale has helped me be healthier in other ways, namely I'm not obsessing about the number: what it might be, what is it, what I need to do to get it lower.  I'm not grappling with feelings of guilt after eating a cookie or putting sugar in my coffee.  I'm not disappointed in myself when the number isn't lower than I want it - but I'm also not proud enough of myself when the number goes down, because it's not as low as I want it.

So being away from the scale has been healthy for me in some ways, but I worry it will be detrimental in others.  Will my weight have jumped up when I weigh myself at the beginning of August?  Will I end up back where I started, oh so long ago?  Should I go back to weekly weigh-ins? 

I've read different things about weighing oneself, from once a week to daily to never.  Some literature says to go by the way you feel and how your clothes fit; others say a weekly weigh-in keeps you on track; and others still say a daily weigh-in gives you a clear idea of how your weight can fluctuate and helps you better understand your body.

Then, of course, there's the BMI, which requires a weight to be accurately calculated.  But I don't like using the BMI as a gauge for my proper weight because I lift weights and BMI doesn't consider if your weight is due to muscle or fat.  So then I don't need the scale?

I don't think I'll ever be able to give up the scale (even though, for years, I didn't weigh myself except for at my yearly physical).  For me, knowing my weight is part of me being healthy, even if it does wreak havoc with my emotions.  But I need something to celebrate and seeing my weight go down works.  I also need goals for myself but I need something I can quantify; saying, "I want to lose 2lb by next week" is easier for me than saying, "I want to fit into [insert piece of clothing here]."

What I do have to work on is better accepting the number on the scale and to not instantly tie my self-worth to it.  THAT is going to be a hard habit to break because it's something I've done most of my life. 

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #2

Once again, it's weigh-in day and once again I was pleasantly surprised - it's a loss!

To recap:
Starting weight - 200.2 lb
Week #1 - 197.6 lb
Week #2 - 195.2 lb

That's another 2.4 lb down this past week and a total loss of 5 lb and another $20 into savings!  WAHOO!!  I'm pretty excited.

We have a cat and she is 6 lb.  I've almost lost the equivalent of our kitty.  

But can I let you in on a secret?  I feel like I haven't even been trying!  Seriously.  I've made some good food switches and I'm more conscious of how much I'm eating, but this really feels so easy.  And I guess that's the point of a lifestyle change; it should feel easy.  I know there are other changes I can make and I'm going to work on that, but so far the changes I've made are easy and GREAT!

(I still need to focus more on how many servings I need each day and pay better attention to serving sizes, so those are the next changes.)

On another note, I'm in my last week of being 30 and I've been feeling all nostalgic and introspective and I'll probably be posting about that over the week.  But in the meantime, I'm feeling pretty good!

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-In #1

Today marks the end of the first week of my Up-Down Challenge (where I go up $10 in savings for each pound I go down, towards my goal of 30 pounds lost).  I have to say, I wasn't expecting to see any weight loss on the scale, not because I wasn't trying this past week, but because I'm a natural pessimist and always think that, no matter how hard (or "hard") I try, I won't succeed.  (Nice mindset, eh?)

Anyways...the number on the scale: 197.6 pounds.
(Starting weight was 200.2 pounds.)

That's a total weight loss of 2.6 pounds this past week and $20 into savings.

HOLY CRAP!

For a die-hard pessimist, this is pretty good.  For someone looking to slim down, this is pretty good.  For someone looking to be healthier, this is pretty good.

Hell, THIS IS PRETTY GOOD!

I must say, I'm rather proud of myself.  Losing even a little makes me feel good, helps me realize that I can do this and reinforces that I'm still going about this in a healthy way. 

Getting the first week done is also important for me; now I'm into this challenge and I'm seeing results so I'd be crazy not to keep going.  Some things I'm going to start working on over the next week is watching my portion sizes, paying more attention to how many servings of what types of food I'm eating every day and getting into a more regular exercise routine.  I've decided to register for a 5K run in May, so I'm going to look for a spring run and then get started on a training plan. 

In the meantime I'm going to keep basking in my weight loss success.  What better way to star the work week than 2.8 pounds lighter?  YAY!

What's weighing on my mind

My attempts at getting healthy are focused more on making lifestyle changes that I can stick with, rather than setting hard goals.  Is that smart?  I'm not sure, but here's the rationale for doing it this way:

By aiming to make lifestyle changes, I will find ways to be healthy overall and not only achieve better physical, mental and financial health but also develop the habits I need to maintain my new-found health.

I was worried that if I set hard goals and didn't meet them, I'd feel discouraged and give up (what can I say, I know myself).

Thing is, I can't know if any of my changes are actually helping without at least knowing where I'm starting from.  Since I've been on the physical health kick lately, I decided to weigh myself today.

Feet = not mine/Reaction = mine

BAD IDEA.

I knew the number would not be good, but I thought it would be better than it was.  I'm so upset by it that I can't bring myself to share it, even if there are only about three people who would read it here (and one person I live with and another I used to live with).

And now, after seeing what I weigh, I feel discouraged.  I feel like I can't do anything to make a difference.  I feel like it's all pointless and why even bother?

It's a conundrum, really.  To know I'm making progress, I need to know the starting point.  But knowing the starting point is discouraging and now I feel like I can't do it.  Sigh.

I'll get over it; I always feel like this after weighing myself and I always get happier eventually.  But even if I don't share my weight, I know what it is and I'm going to have to keep weighing myself to see if my healthy changes are working.  Maybe, eventually, I'll feel ready to share.

(Numbers will matter more, though, when it comes to my finances and financial health.  I'll be focusing on that more soon.)