Happy New Year!

Well, hello there. It's been awhile, eh? It's high time I dust this thing off and start blogging regularly again.

It's also an exciting time for me to blog again because I DON'T have any major life events to contend with, so I can actually focus on myself! Huzzah!

But 2013 was still a great year, what with that wedding and all. And I can say that the Beau and I were successfully married. I'm now a Mrs! It was, simply, the best day of my life.

Dad walking me down the aisle

With my family

With my NEW family

Outside the church

The holidays were their regular whirlwind of family, food and fun. But now it's done and 2014 is here and I've decided this is the year of me. The year I'm going to focus on what I want, on doing what I want to do, on putting my needs first.

This in itself will be a challenge, as I've always focused on what others want (and I don't say this in a I'm-a-martyr kind of way; more in a I'm-not-confident-enough-to-put-my-needs-first kind of way) so I've decided it's time to get better at saying and doing what I want, because the world will not end if I pick what movie we're going to watch or decide what we're having for dinner.

That said, my goals for this year are about excess, rather than cutting back. For example:

1. Eat more foods that make me feel good about myself. So more fruit and vegetables; more lean meat and steak; more smoothies, especially with spinach.

2. Run more, because it makes me feel good. I would like to get a 5K under my belt this year (I do have something else planned, but more on that shortly) but the way I feel physically and mentally when I run is more important than finishing a bunch of races. Though that would be cool too.

3. Knit more, and be more creative overall. Crafting for the wedding took up much of my creativeness last year and it was enjoyable, but now I'm looking forward to making things for the fun of it or for friends and family or even for myself (GASP!) because I want to. So I will.

4. Read more. I tend to go through phases when I can't seem to read enough but then suddenly books are dull and all I want to do are crossword puzzles and play on Twitter. This year, I've started off strong with The Demonologist and I've got quite the list for the rest of the year. And I want to start writing about what I read, too, so that will happen here.

5. Do more yoga. And by "more", I mean "any". I've signed up for four weeks of beginner classes with my sister-in-law so that's pretty exciting. They start next Saturday and I'm looking forward to being bendier.

6. Complete a triathlon. Wait, what? Yup, triathlon. It's just a wee one (375m swim, 12km bike, 3km run) so I'm confident it's something I can not only complete but enjoy doing. It's in July so I've got lots of time to train. Here's hoping Toronto thaws soon because it's hard to run on ice.

7. Be nicer to myself. This is going to be the hardest one on the list but it's something I need to do. I need to be kinder to myself, to tell myself good things, to think good things, to believe in good things. I've been seeing a counselor to help me with this; two sessions so far, with another scheduled for next week. It's been good so far and I'm hoping for more good to come out of it. It might seem weird to be seeing someone to work on self-confidence but it's something I've needed for awhile and I'm glad I'm doing it.

There are things I'm not going to worry about this year, too.

Firstly, my weight. It's something I'm always going to be aware of, for sure, but I'm not going to be obsessed with the number or with what I think I should weigh. Because if I eat right and train regularly for my triathlon, plus just run more, I'll see positive changes in my body, all without worrying about the number on the scale.

Secondly, I'm going to make a HUGE effort to not worry about the size tags on my clothes. This is going to be a big challenge, but something that I need to do for myself. If what I wear fits me well and looks good on m (and if no one else knows what size I wear), then who cares?! Right? Right.

And third, I'm going to stop stressing about how clean and organized my house is. It's a work in progress and likely will be for years and that's okay. As long as I work to keep it as neat as I can (as we can, as the hubby always helps), that is all that is needed.

It's going to be a good year, I can feel it. And with the house bought and the wedding over, it's going to be a year full of small, exciting, wonderful things and I can't wait!

My body's nobody's body but mine

Yesterday, I attended a bridal shower for my cousin's lovely bride-to-be and while chatting with my aunts the conversation naturally turned to my upcoming nuptials. One aunt commented on how my mom had said she had lost 17 pounds and then asked how Mom had done it. I said Mom was just being more aware of what she was eating and then cracked a joke about how Mom was more concerned with losing weight before my wedding than I was.

But the thing is, it's not really a joke. I'm not stressed or panicked about losing weight for the wedding.

I had a dress fitting a few weeks ago and that was a little stressing but I wasn't wearing the proper undergarments and the bridal shop didn't have bras that went beyond a D-cup (and I'm beyond a D-cup...sigh), so while the dress fit it didn't look perfect, you know? But I'm going back on Wednesday, armed with all my undergarments, and I'm convinced it will look perfect. And I haven't lost any weight since buying the dress.

I don't even know when I stopped worrying about that. It might have been when more important things - seating charts and making favours and meeting with our officiant and planning the ceremony and finalizing the reception set-up - came up. It might have been when the Beau had chest pains and was later diagnosed with periocarditis and body image was the last thing on my mind. It might have been when I started spending more time on xoJane, an any-body-positive (among other things) website. It may have even been when I did some shopping and found a bunch of things that fit at a size I could handle.

Or it may have just been that I'm really getting tired of hating on myself. Like, just fed up and done with it. Because, honestly, it takes a hell of a lot of energy to be constantly down and degrading towards myself and there are so many more things in life that are much more deserving of that energy.

Also, acceptance, which is hella major too. Being on Weight Watchers let me prove to myself that I can lose weight, but I have to track everything I eat, measure all my portions, plan ahead as necessary and get on a scale each week to make sure I'm doing it all properly. This did help make me more aware of what I put in my body, which is a good awareness to have, but the little things started to weigh on me and really sucked the fun out of living (at least for me; I don't want to take away from the success that others have had with the program).

So I know I can lose weight and I know I can gain it all back and now I know that this body, the one I'm currently in, the one I'll be getting married in, that the way this body is now could be the way my body just is. This me is the me, where I'm happiest, at least physically. And by accepting this physical happiness maybe I can move to mental and emotional happiness with myself.

Of course, I'm not about to eat pizza and chocolate cake for every meal. I'm still going to run (currently nursing a sore calf - boo!) and do strength training (three sets of 10 FULL push-ups are now a regular thing for me - hurrah!) and be aware of what I'm eating. It's not dieting or trying to lose weight; rather, it's doing the things for my body that will help my body do things for me. Eating well and being active will give me the energy I need to run 5K and plan a wedding and help keep the house tidy and go out for friends' birthdays and dance at my wedding and chase after my nephews and all the other things that make life good. And my good life will include wine and too many fun-sized chocolate bars and pizza and chocolate cake because these things make me happy.

Now this isn't just some epiphany that will last forever. Body acceptance and body love will still take work, every single day. But it's about starting with good thoughts ("I look good in this dress") rather than bad ("This dress makes me look fat. I can't ever wear it again.") and embodying those good thoughts, acting like I look good (but not being arrogant because that sucks) and believing that I deserve to feel good about myself. And that leads to happiness and, really, isn't being happy what it's all about?

Via Pinterest

WW Weigh-In #20

Holy moly, it's weigh-in day again. Where did the week go? I guess this is what happens when there's an awesome long weekend in the middle of the week! (How weird is that, that I know think of the weekend as the middle of my week? But both my work week and my WW week start on a Wednesday and end on a Tuesday so it's fitting the weekend would be "mid-week". Fitting, but odd.)

I had a most wonderful long weekend but I'll save that for another post. Time to get to the meat of the potatoes* and check in with the scale:

Last week: 185.2 lb
This week: 184.8 lb
Total lost this week: 0.4 lb

Weight loss target: 181.8 lb
To reach target: 3.0 lb

I seem to have mastered the 0.4 lb/week approach. But no matter how small, it's still a loss and that's what's important.  I'm also beginning to wonder if I'm coming up on my happy weight. Yes, I would like to get down to 170 lb at least, but maybe my body is happiest around 180 lb. I'm not about to throw in the towel or anything, but I'm going to pay closer attention. After all, while I want to lose weight I also want to get to a point where I can maintain a weight I'm happy with but still enjoy life. That is what's most important to me and why I've been so happy with WW thus far (even when I've gained): I've been able to enjoy life!

What I really need to do is get myself toned up for summer (and start training for my zombie run). But that is also another post - maybe if I write down my desired workout plan I'll feel more inclined to stick with it.


....Wait, I just realized I'm only THREE POUNDS away from my next weight loss target! Wowza! I can do this!....

*Do you ever watch Storage Wars? If you do, you'll get where this line came from. If you don't, you should; it's awesome.

"It's what you can do with your body that matters"

These wise words were uttered by the Beau last night, as we lay in bed, lights out, chatting dozily as we drifted off to sleep. Our conversation started far from there; in fact, we were discussing Canadian publishing and how to get people to buy books; which led to discussing branding and marketing and the power of well-known names; which led to the power of the celebrity endorsement (even if the facts aren't there); which led to the power of the internet to provide people with what they want to believe; which led to the idea that, for women, it's about how you look rather than what you can do that seems to be valued.

Which led to "It's what you can do with your body that matters."

Even though we only talked about this last night, I've been thinking about these words all day. I know they're wise and I know this is a maxim that I should live every day. I remember trying to convince myself of this in years past, but I was never able to truly believe it. I always felt that until I'd done something really amazing - like given birth or run a marathon or climbed a mountain or survived a serious illness - that my body hadn't done anything worthwhile and therefore should be skinny because it certainly wasn't useful.

I'm finally realizing just how wrong that kind of thinking is. Of course, doing any of those things listed is an amazing accomplishment, but so is being able to lift 20 lb dumbbells or climb the CN Tower stairs (hey, I did that!) or walk for hours on a beautiful spring day.

And it's also important to realize that your body does many other things that matter, like give big hugs or hold your child (or adorable nephew!) or give a back rub to someone you love or kiss your partner good night.  (Or, ahem, give your kitty head and chin scratchies because she loves them so much.)

But most importantly, your body is you. And you sure as hell matter. That's what's worth remembering.

A new month

Holy crap, it's November 1st.  When did that happen?!  It always throws me off when November starts with a bright sunny day because, in my mind, November is gray and dreary and full of dead tree limbs and fallen leaves.  But not today!  It's beautiful outside!

Being the first of November, it also means I'm due for another 2011 goals update, which I'll do tomorrow.  And I'm thinking the update will be much like the previous ones, with some progress being made in some areas and not much progress being made in others.

But you know what?  I'm okay with that. 

With the goals I've outlined things I want to achieve and where I want to be in my life but I'm slowly realizing that reaching those goals doesn't define me.  Heck, even the journey to reaching those goals doesn't define me.  They are simply things I'd like to get to, one day.  I've just put it to a schedule because, well, that's what I do.

I'm not going to be disappointed in myself if I don't fit into my purple dress or hit my target weight or even get to 5km in my running.  I'm just going to keep working at it until I get there.  I honestly can't explain when this new outlook came over me, but I'm enjoying it.  I mean, there was a moment yesterday when I thought, "Maybe I'll fudge my weigh-in just a bit, just in case I've gained a lot because I don't want to look like a failure."  But why lie?  I am who I am, at whatever size I may be. 

But - more importantly - I'm really having a good time lately.  Sure, work has been intense but I've been spending time with friends and family, enjoying the great outdoors, knitting up a storm, cuddling my kitty and spending as much quality time with the Beau as I can. 

Life is really good, and that's the best goal to achieve.

Mid-month update

Today is July 15 which, for all intents and purposes, is the middle of the month and the middle of my scale break. 

I've been doing really well with my gym-going; I went five times last week and four times so far this week (I can't make it today - too busy at work - but hope to fit in a workout tomorrow).  And all that work is not for naught; I'm noticing some improvements: my torso is less rounded; my back doesn't hurt all the time; my arms are definitely getting definition; my thighs don't rub together quite as much; and my cardiovascular fitness is improving - I can run 2km and not be exhausted!  In fact, I can do my full run/walk intervals and not feel exhausted.  I've even started increasing my speed at the end, for an added boost and, come August, I want to start increasing my distance.

In other words: progress is being made.  And it's exciting.  I feel good about myself.  That's right, I FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF! 

Holy shit, took long enough. 

What worth, a picture?

I hate having my picture taken.  I'm not like some people, though, who won't pose for a photo unless their hair is done and clothes are perfect and the angle is just right.  I don't mind posing for silly, crazy, happy, couple-y or family photos; I just hate the results.

Some people are naturally photogenic.  I am not one of those people.  I practice my smiles in the mirror, I tilt my head one way or look another way and think, "That's not bad.  I need to do that the next time a photo is taken."  And then I do it (or think I've done it) and the photo is AWFUL.  Seriously.  No good at all.

The one thing I'm dreading most about getting married are the wedding photos.  Candid photos there's not much I can do about.  But the professional ones, the ones we'll want to keep forever - those I'm terrified about.  I only plan on getting married once and I really want the pictures to be keepers.  And parents and in-laws will be displaying them...I'm not getting married any time soon, but I've already got anxiety over the photos.

I think I have a problem.

Over the weekend, we were visiting friends in Simcoe with another couple and we took photos all weekend long.  Since I took most of the pictures, I'm not in many, so I asked the Beau if he could snap a few shots of me, as proof I was there. 

None of them are any good.  Zip.  Zilch.  Nada.  Nyet.  Nien.  Nil.  Zero.  Because he's crazy, he likes this photo:

Me, not so much.  In fact, it's kind of awful.  But I feel like I should stare at it until I can at least tolerate it because I need to stop being so down on myself.  Either that or I need to never be in another photo ever.  (In fact, there is a span of about 6 years in my teens where very few photos of me exist, because I hated how I looked in photos back then.  Oh, what I wouldn't give to look how I did back then...)

It's a thing, that's for sure, one I'm not sure how to get over. 

Mid-term report card

Since declaring 2011 the year I get healthy, I've felt like I've encountered more obstacles than victories but this is mainly tied to my inability to lose as much weight as I'd like.  So I decided to give myself a mid-term report, seeing how I'm now halfway through the year. 

1.  Financial health - A+
Okay, I've got to give myself credit here.  (Heh, credit.)  Since the start of the year, I've paid off the last niggling balance on my credit card, paid off my line of credit ($5,000 yo!) and eliminated one of my four student loans.  I'm also paying nice, hefty monthly sums on my remaining loans and I'm still on track to have everything paid off by next spring.  This is definitely a bright spot in my health challenge, which I both love and need.

2.  Happy health - B+
I still have my mood swings and I always will, but I'm having fewer of them and they don't last as long.  I'm happy to find that I'm on the right dosage of anti-depressant and I'm happy in my job (even though it still drives me bonkers sometimes).  Also, I'm in a loving, wonderful, stable relationship with the best man EVER and we've got the cuddliest kitty at home.  Oh, and we're planning to buy a home.  I'm in probably the best emotional place I've ever been in my life and things just keep getting better.

3.  Physical health - C+
It was so tempting to give myself a big fat F here, but then I realized: I've got lots going for me physically, even if the scale isn't my friend.  Since I started running, I've improved my cardiovascular health, which is no small feat seeing how I have exercise-induced asthma (which I've finally stopped using as a crutch - woot!).  I've gone to various doctors and, though I haven't always heard the answers I want, I've confirmed that I don't have diabetes, I don't have out-of-whack hormones, my thyroid is normal, my blood sugar is normal - I'm in pretty good shape on the inside.  I'm also getting stronger and have the (faintest of faint) muscle definition to show for it.  So I'm getting there. 

Just like at school, I know where I'm excelling, where I'm getting better and where I need to improve (though in school, I never had to improve anything - I was such a keener!).  The important part is that I consider myself to be passing in all categories and I'm going to keep moving forward - though I'm starting to sound a little like Oprah with all this "moving forward" blathering. 

But seriously, the year is half over already?  Holy crap. 

Recharged

We just got home from a wonderful weekend at the cottage and I feel amazing.  On Friday, I slept in then had an afternoon nap then still fell asleep at a decent hour - when I asked the Beau why I was so tired, he replied, "It's because you're relaxed."

He was so right.

It was a great and relaxing weekend, in which I just didn't care about anything that wasn't important, like perfecting my bocce ball game; wearing my floppy sunhat all the time; barbequing everything; trying to spot all the fireflies; and floating on water noodles.

Oh, and I walked around in my bathing suit and didn't care what I looked like - except when I caught my reflection in the window and said, "Hm, I look pretty good."

It was a really wonderful and relaxing way to start summer and end my week off and it was something I definitely needed, after all my pouting last week.  We brought running gear with us, but decided sleeping until 10:30 was more important than a morning run.  The only downside to the whole weekend is we didn't get a storm Saturday night; I love me a good thunderstorm at the cottage.

Both the Beau and I are looking at some crazy hours over the next few weeks at work and we've got some full weekends too, so it was lovely to have a few days together (with our kitty, of course) to do whatever we pleased, which amounted to bocce ball, beer and books. 

And since it was the long weekend, we used the GPS to get us home not via the highways; by mostly avoiding the 400 and driving through farmland and smaller towns, we were able to extend the relaxed cottage feeling that much longer.  And we figure it only added about 20 minutes to our drive, which is great too. 

Now I feel relaxed and ready to face work again, to keep working on getting in shape and to be kinder to myself.  AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #20 - and a hiatus

Because of my crappy mood yesterday, I delayed the weigh-in until this morning.  The result: 193.2 lb.  It's a loss this week, but not much; I'm down 0.4 lb.  But a loss is a loss and I'll take it.

I've also decided (just this morning, actually) that I'm taking July off from the scale.  I've become so caught up in the number that I'm beginning to dread it and I'm basing way too much of my self-worth on that digital output.  I'm not taking a break from being healthy though; I'm going to continue to work out and do my best to eat right and just relax for a month and see where that gets me. 

I've also been thinking about Weight Watchers again.  I contemplated it before but I wimped out - I'm so afraid of failure in a group setting that I just couldn't do it.  But I think it might be time to reevaluate how I feel about it and give it a shot.  With my work schedule, though, it might be tough for me to get to meetings so I might try the online program first.  I'm not going to do much before the fall, but come September, I want to have a plan in place.

And that's just it - I need a plan and I need to give myself time.  Sure, I'm not where I thought I'd be weight-wise but I'm making better changes in my lifestyle and that's a good thing.  I'm working out more, I'm eating better, I'm getting my finances in good standing and, even if I'm not getting the medical answers I want, at least I'm getting answers.  All in all, the first six months of 2011 have been pretty good to me. 

Since it's the long weekend, the Beau and I are looking to get to the cottage for a few days, which will be just what I need.  I was also recently in Parry Sound for a few days, which was a lovely break (even though I spent it redoing a bedroom at my mom's house - hard work!).  A break is definitely going to be good for me - I need to stop evaluating myself on some number and start looking at all the wonderful things I have in my life and find my happiness there.

I still want to get my weight down to 170 lb and I'd like to be at 180 lb by the end of the summer.  But for now, I'm going to enjoy the summer with those I care about (my kitty is on my lap as I type this, which makes for an interesting set-up) and just relax. 

The Beau loves me the way I am so maybe I should spend some time doing the same.  Who knows where that attitude will take me?!

The Hunger Games

Reading is one of my greatest pleasures in life.  It always makes me happy, even when the book is heart-breakingly sad.  No matter my mood, I know I can find a book that will suit it and will take me into another world. 

Every so often, I stumble upon a book that is so incredibly good, I don't want to keep reading it because I don't want it to end - but I have to keep reading it because I need to know what happens.  Has that ever happened to you?  One such book for me was The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova, which I still think about.  Another was Her Fearful Symmetry, the second novel by Audrey Niffinegger (of The Time Traveler's Wife brilliance).

I've now found another such book, one that I can barely put down and one that will surely make me miss my subway stop at some point: The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.

(I'm very excited that these three books are all authored by women.)

One thing to note about The Hunger Games is that it's a young adult novel, with teenaged characters and adults existing mostly on the periphery.  So what makes it work at an "old" adult level?  This book isn't about emo teens, sitting in a dark corner listening to Linkin Park.  Rather, it touches on issues that are important to teenagers - family, friends, success, love, acceptance - but are also issues for adults.  These things don't end once we exit our teen years; what 20-/30-/40-something doesn't worry and wonder about their family, maintaining friendships, finding success in life, falling in love and finding that place in life where they are accepted not just by those around them but into what is around them?  We may not be angsty as adults (or maybe we still are, we just hide it better) but the book dwells on issues that translate across both a younger and older audience.  By doing this, the book stops being for young adults and starts being for everyone.

I'm twice as old as Katniss, the main protagonist, but I can still relate to her.  She also makes me feel incredibly wimpy and weak, but you'll have to read the book to understand why.  For me, that is great storytelling.  The book also almost made me cry on the subway this morning and not many books make me cry. 

There is one giveaway that it was written for a younger audience and that is the book is clearly plot-driven; it's always moving ahead and, though we learn about the characters and back stories are woven in to the narrative quite well, it's always getting us from point A to B to C, and on and on.  (Although that is something else I enjoy in books; I'm not a fan of books where people have feelings at each other for 400 pages.)

One note of caution: The Hunger Games is book one of a trilogy.  If you plan to read it, don't read the jacket copy of either the second or third book, lest you have the story spoiled.  I made that mistake. 

Friends and friendship

I made it home from work earlier than normal today (meaning I'm home just after midnight, rather than around 2 am) so I'm still a little wired and unable to sleep.  This kind of sucks because it would be nice to get to bed at a decent hour so I can get up at a decent hour on my day off and actually have a full productive day.

Anyways...

I've been thinking about friendships a lot lately, mostly because I haven't seen my BFF in far too long and I've come to a realization - I'm kind of a bad friend.  Not bad in the "Don't-tell-anyone"-and-I-promptly-update-my-Facebook-status kind of way, but in the I-haven't-seen-you-in-forever-but-I'm-still-not-making-plans-with-you kind of way.  And it's not that I don't want to see my friends.  It's a character flaw of mine: I'm far too passive when it comes to things like that and I always have this nagging thought that says, "[Insert person here] doesn't really want to see you." 

There are the standard excuses, of course, but I will say that my new work schedule has been wreaking havoc on all areas of my life, not just my social calendar.  Case in point: I barely got home early enough last night to see the Beau before he went to bed.  Had I not seen him last night, I would have gone from Monday morning to Wednesday afternoon without seeing him awake.  This is not a complaint so much as it's a fact of my new reality.  And it's taking some adjusting.  (Though my kitty loves it; she now gets all kinds of cuddles at random hours when before she would have either been alone or been stuck with two unwakeable humans.)

So what am I going to do about my shitty friend-being?  I'm going to work at being better, that's for sure.  But I also don't want to be that person who makes all kinds of plans and then cancels because something comes up or I get lazy.  And, let's face it, laziness is also an integral part of my character. 

But too lazy to maintain the things that are important to me?  That's just sad.  And I know that.  So as part of my quest for better happy health, I am going to make a better effort at being a friend. 

Why Wednesdays rock

I don't work on Wednesdays.  I know, I know, you're all jealous and stuff.  But before you get too mad at me, I'll explain why I don't work on Wednesdays.

Tuesday is when we send Maclean's to the printer.  Our printer deadline is late.  LATE.  This means I start work at noon on Tuesdays but stay until the wee hours - sometimes as late at 3:00 a.m.  Because of this, I don't go into work on Wednesdays.  My work week hour total is much the same as anyone else: 36.25 hours (7.25 hours/day).  But I regularly log 40+ hours in the four days a week I work - which is another reason I get Wednesdays off.

I'm not trying to make myself sound hard-done-by, merely explaining why I get this beautiful mid-week break.

Having Wednesdays off is kind of awesome.  I sleep in (mostly out of necessity - when I go to bed at 3 or 4 in the morning, there's no 8 am wake-up call) but I also strive to get a lot done; I really want to tackle as much housework as I can and even do the grocery shopping so my weekends get freed up.  And with free weekends, the Beau and I can spend some quality time together.

That is probably the worst part about my erratic, late-night hours: less time with my man.  We used to eat dinner together every night; now it's hit and miss, depending on when I get home, if I want a workout, how hungry he is, all these things.  To help alleviate a little of this, we come back to Wednesdays and the biggest reason they rock: I make a nice dinner and we sit down together and enjoy some "us" time.

Often, it's just chilling in front of the TV, chatting about random things, but that's the kind of stuff that makes our relationship work so well - we can completely relax with one another and just enjoy being lazy together.

Tonight I'm making pork chops with a curry-apple sauce, roasted asparagus and basmati rice.  I picked up a sample pack of beer today and we're going to have a lovely evening.

This is why Wednesdays rock.

So you had a bad day...

Today was a rough day at work.  I made a few mistakes.  I pissed some people off.   I did a few things wrong. 

The worst part?  Beating myself up about it and almost convincing myself that I can't do this job.

It took a few hours of morosely wandering around the mall in a failed bout of retail therapy before I finally began listening to that wee voice in the dark recesses of my mind saying, "It's okay.  You made mistakes, you'll learn from them, don't dwell on it.  Enjoy the weekend and be amazing-er on Monday."

So that's what I'm going to do.  That wee voice can be so wise sometimes.

Have a Happy Monday with...knitting

Do you like to knit?  I like to knit.  In fact, I love to knit.  When people ask what I can knit I like to say, "Anything!"  And I'm pretty sure I could knit anything - at least I'll try.  I may not always succeed but sometimes I'll end up with something great, like a monkey:

 

 

Someone had to keep an eye on the cupcakes.

I also decided I could make fingerless gloves without a pattern.  Okay, it wasn't completely without a pattern; rather, I took elements from a few different patterns and then made it up as I went when I got stuck.  I must say, I was rather pleased with the result:

Birthday gloves for the Beau.

I go through fazes with my knitting; sometimes I can knock off a bunch of things in a week and other times it will take me months to knit a simple square.  But I do so enjoy it and one day I will have all my yarn and needles and patterns and accessories organized and at my fingertips for whatever project strikes me.  But until then, I'll just keep on churning out the monkeys and gloves and one day I'll finish that square that is going to become a pillow for the kitty.

Have a happy Monday with...Midsomer Murders

I have a soft spot for British detective fare.  I love my Brit-cop books and I've recently discovered Peter Robinson who, though not as good as my main man Reginald Hill, is pretty decent.

Well, hello Sergeant.

But I've also got a deep love of Midsomer Murders, a great small-town British copper show that's as quaint as it is deadly, although it's (refreshingly) not graphic.  It focuses more on the characters and each episode always has its share of quirky elder folk. 

The show follows DCI Tom Barnaby and his young Sergeant as they solve the cases and it doesn't hurt that the Sergeant tends to be rather adorable.  My favourite is Ben Jones.

I'm not a huge fan of Mondays, so it's nice to have my lovely little show to enjoy each week.  

What does 200lb look like?

Let me show you.

That's me.  Please excuse my messy hair; these pics were taken post-workout.  Even though these shots weren't taken Sunday night, I'm sure I'm still at the same weight from that night.

But 200lb doesn't look the same on everyone.  For example:

197 lb, 5'9"

This is Natasha.  I found her picture on the site for the show More to Love. 

This is Anowa Adjah or The Nigerian Powerhouse - 200lb

Anowa Adjah set out to blaze a trail for more acceptance of curvier, voluptuous models.  I think she's pretty hot.

Some other woman, also 200 lb.

Okay, so it's Oprah.  But considering her much-documented struggle with her weight, it seems appropriate to show her here. 

I may not be happy with my current weight but the most important thing I can remember right now is that 200lb can be beautiful.  It can be powerful.  It can be famous.  It can even be reality-TV worthy.  Will I be happier when I'm thinner?  I sure hope so, because I've pretty much been convincing myself of that for the past 20 years.  But can I be happy now?  Of course I can.  Because I'm beautiful and powerful and famous (okay, maybe not, but my name is in a national magazine every month).

Even if I never lost another pound, I would be beautiful.  

Have a happy Monday with...a good book

When I was a waitress, I used to love Mondays.  Monday meant the restaurant was closed and I had one full, glorious day off; I could catch up on sleep, tidy up my apartment, go shopping, read a book, do whatever I wanted.  But since my career goals took me away from restaurants and into the 9-to-5 grind, I've come to dislike Mondays as much as anyone.

But this blog isn't about what sucks, it's about being healthy and part of being emotionally healthy (happy healthy) is to find the things in life that make me happy.  So to counteract the Monday blues, each week I'm going to post about something that makes me happy.  Whether big or small, there are so many wonderful things in my life that make me happy but sometimes I need to slow down and actually focus on those things, which is what I'm going to do here.

For the inaugural Happy Monday, I'm going to start with books.  (Surprise, surprise.)

I love reading and I love books.  I've read a lot of books, across many genres, my many authors.  I have my favourites (Reginald Hill, Terry Pratchett) and I have my must-read lists (Never Let Me Go, V for Vendetta) and I have no problem indulging in a guilty pleasure read every now and then (whatever is offered for free for my Kobo), but every so often I come across a book that stays with me; a book that I didn't want to end, because the story was just so good I wanted it to keep going, forever and ever; a book that I want to read again and again, but don't want to read again because I'm still enjoying it two years later.

The book in question?  The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova.

It's been about two years since I finished it and I think about it constantly.  It is a beautifully written story spanning three generations and takes you across Eastern Europe on a hunt for Dracula.  Oh, and there's a love story in there too.  It's everything Twilight wants to be but is not.*   This book is the perfect mash-up of literary and genre fiction and if you haven't yet read it, GO READ IT NOW.  RIGHT NOW!  GO!

Realizing now how much I still think about this book makes me aware of how happy it made me when I read it and I think it's time to pick it up again, because it makes me so very happy.


*I will respect your right to love Twilight, as long as you respect my right to mock it relentlessly. 

Lazy Sunday = happy Sunday

I'm having a lazy day today and I'm not feeling guilty about it at all.  Usually on Sundays, I start to feel anxious about the upcoming work week and if I've got everything ready for it and if I've done enough chores around the house to make the weekend feel "productive" - but not today.  Today is all about doing whatever I do (or don't) want to do.

Kitty needs a lazy day too.

It just so happened that the Beau was out of town overnight Friday so I stayed in and spent the evening...cleaning.  While perhaps not the ideal plans for a Friday, I have to say it made the rest of the weekend feel more weekend-y.  With the bathroom clean, laundry caught up, dishes away and floors vacuumed, Saturday suddenly became free for fun things, which led into Sunday being free for laziness. 

Unless we have specific plans to go out, the Beau and I often find ourselves home on Friday nights, watching TV, reading, just hanging out together.  This weekend I discovered that spending a few hours cleaning on a Friday night really opens up the rest of the weekend and helps me feel less guilty for spending two full days not thinking about domestic tasks.  I just might have to become that exciting person who cleans on Friday nights!