What's in a bridezilla?

I always promised myself I would never be a bridezilla. Long before the ring, long before the Beau, I decided that I would not be THAT bride, that I would not freak out over any of the details (big or small) and that I would not let emotion ruin what should be a wonderful time in my life.

Tonight I had my first bridezilla moment and I'm not proud of it.

The Beau and I made a trip to Michael's yesterday and picked up some things to experiment with centrepieces. I had found some submersible LED lights that came in our wedding colours and we also found some aqua gems which would colour the water as well as add filler for lights to rest on. We also picked up a wide circular vase and floating candles and started experimenting.

We used various combinations of LED lights, candles, aqua gems, plain water and other coloured gems we happened to already have and nothing really worked. We then tried wrapping a book page around a tall narrow glass and putting a candle in that but the effect was underwhelming.

And then I got frustrated and disappointed that nothing was working and I had a bit of a freak-out. The Beau rightfully pointed out that we have lots of time to figure out what we want to do with centrepieces and that we don't have use any of the things that we picked up yesterday; that we can investigate other options. And this is very true. And after talking it out, I think we have another very viable option.

So why the freak-out?

As we all know, weddings are expensive and it's something we are only going to do once. So when you're spending that much money on a one-time-only event you want it to be perfect. Of course everyone's definition of "perfect" varies and the details that one will sweat will also vary. For me, I knew the venue would be limited to what could hold our guest list. My dress was limited to my budget (which was, fortunately, flexible). Our wedding party was in our control and thankfully everyone we asked agreed to participate. So far we haven't had much to sweat about even as we've made big decisions.

What was it about the centrepieces then? Why were they the trigger for my freak-out? Honestly, I don't rightly know. All I can say is that I am striving for a certain level of perfection and, for me, perfection happens when the Beau and I look at something and we both say, "That's it!" And because that didn't happen with any of our plans, I overreacted.

The plan is for this to be my first and last bridezilla moment. We DO have lots of time to figure out things like centrepieces and we can wait until we have our "That's it!" moment and it will be perfect for us.

But for me, my battle against my inner bridezilla will be my battle against my own impatience and desire for instant perfection. We have time to make it right. And it will be right.

Heck, it will be perfect.