Tell me why I don't like Mondays

We're entering a really busy time at work and the first busy season I've experienced since starting my new job and I'm terrified.  By this time next Friday, we will have put out about 200 pages of editorial material and over 300 magazine pages in two issues.  It's a lot of  volume and I've got to know what's happening with each edit page each step of the way and make sure they all get done on time.

And I'm freaking out.

I've spent all weekend stressing about it.  I worked 13 hours on Friday and I'm looking at at least that pretty much every day this coming week.  I'm not complaining about the hours (I used to waitress so long hours are old hat to me) but I'm so worried about getting it all done and not screwing something up.  I'm so worried about getting in trouble from my manager for not doing the right thing.  I'm so worried about not knowing the right answer when asked.

Even as I'm sitting here typing this I'm fighting a panic attack.  I'm actually thinking I'd rather be outrunning zombies in The Walking Dead, which the Beau is currently watching.

I'd rather face this than next week at work.

I've even been thinking about looking for a new job.  I haven't even been in my current role for a year and I already want out.  Want to know why?  Because I'm scared and I don't always know what I'm doing and I hate that.  I want to be an expert and I want to be an expert now.  I know I have lots to learn and I know I'm in a tough job but I want to feel like I'm in control and that I know how to do it and I don't feel that way.

But since I need to work I'll swallow my fear and get up each day and go in and do the best I can and keep hoping that it all works out in the end.  And maybe after this next week, when things are over and have worked out, I'll feel a bit better about myself.

Just five more days.