Because of my crappy mood yesterday, I delayed the weigh-in until this morning. The result: 193.2 lb. It's a loss this week, but not much; I'm down 0.4 lb. But a loss is a loss and I'll take it.
I've also decided (just this morning, actually) that I'm taking July off from the scale. I've become so caught up in the number that I'm beginning to dread it and I'm basing way too much of my self-worth on that digital output. I'm not taking a break from being healthy though; I'm going to continue to work out and do my best to eat right and just relax for a month and see where that gets me.
I've also been thinking about Weight Watchers again. I contemplated it before but I wimped out - I'm so afraid of failure in a group setting that I just couldn't do it. But I think it might be time to reevaluate how I feel about it and give it a shot. With my work schedule, though, it might be tough for me to get to meetings so I might try the online program first. I'm not going to do much before the fall, but come September, I want to have a plan in place.
And that's just it - I need a plan and I need to give myself time. Sure, I'm not where I thought I'd be weight-wise but I'm making better changes in my lifestyle and that's a good thing. I'm working out more, I'm eating better, I'm getting my finances in good standing and, even if I'm not getting the medical answers I want, at least I'm getting answers. All in all, the first six months of 2011 have been pretty good to me.
Since it's the long weekend, the Beau and I are looking to get to the cottage for a few days, which will be just what I need. I was also recently in Parry Sound for a few days, which was a lovely break (even though I spent it redoing a bedroom at my mom's house - hard work!). A break is definitely going to be good for me - I need to stop evaluating myself on some number and start looking at all the wonderful things I have in my life and find my happiness there.
I still want to get my weight down to 170 lb and I'd like to be at 180 lb by the end of the summer. But for now, I'm going to enjoy the summer with those I care about (my kitty is on my lap as I type this, which makes for an interesting set-up) and just relax.
The Beau loves me the way I am so maybe I should spend some time doing the same. Who knows where that attitude will take me?!