It's a stupid word, normal.
What is normal? Well, my blood sugar levels, for one. And my hormones, for another. And my thyroid and all the other things the vampiric medical establishment checked me for during my last round of blood work.
What's not normal? Me.
I had a follow-up appointment with yet another specialist today and he says I'm normal. Thing is, I'm not. My ovaries don't work and I have an endocrine condition, which is not normal. But the endocrine specialist doctor can't do anything for me because all the scientific, medical stuff says I'm normal.
Now, not only am I still not normal, I'm incredibly frustrated.
Why is it that we can diagnose me but not treat the condition? I'm fed up with only treating the symptoms. It's like having a car with an engine that isn't working properly and deciding that putting more air in the tires will help.
I was really counting on this appointment, too, to maybe finally shed some light on how I can start fixing myself. Maybe my expectations were too high; needless to say, I've been despondent and bummed out since finishing up. I couldn't come straight home after the appointment so I ended up going for an ambling walk and buying some yarn (Christmas is less than six months away, don'tcha know) and that helped for a bit - but then I had to walk home and walking always allows me time to think. And I started thinking about how disappointing my appointment was...and I was back to my good ol' despondent self.
I was referred to this specialist to see if there was something that could be done at the hormonal/endocrine level to help me with my weight issues. All the doctor said was to eat well and exercise. Okay, fine, I'll keep doing that but it's not helping. I last saw him in April and, since then, as per the scales at his office, I've lost about 2 lb in two months. I told him that was awful. He said it was good. All I can say is that losing 1 lb a month will not keep me motivated.
Which, of course, is making me wonder if I should even try at all. What good is it doing me, eating well and working out? If it's not going to help, then why bother? Apparently I'm normal, so I shouldn't have to change anything, right?
I know I'm feeling sorry for myself right now and I'll snap out of it (I hope) but all I feel like doing is throwing a pity party, so I'm going to wallow in it for a little while longer. It would just be so nice if some doctor - any doctor - could give me some kind of positive answer about my condition, instead of just saying I'm normal and to go on a diet.
I'm afraid it's just not that simple with me, as diagnosed by medical science. It's so nice of them to give me a problem with absolutely no solution.