I had a most wonderful day yesterday.
It actually started Saturday evening, when my (officially-future-but-unofficially-current) sister-in-law emailed me about going ice skating Sunday morning. She and I had talked about this before and thanks to her initiative it was finally to be realized. She picked me up Sunday morning and we headed off to Colonel Sam Smith Skating Trail, an awesome figure-8 trail in Etobicoke. During our lovely 45-minute skate, I mentioned I was picking up my wedding dress later that afternoon and that the Beau may or may not be coming with me.
It just so happened she had no other plans for the day and when the Beau opted not to go get my dress with me, she came along and we had a lovely afternoon of shopping and lunch out.
Now, I've had plenty of days like this (though this is my first with her) so what made it so special? Sure, picking up my wedding dress was pretty awesome and having the chance to show her my first choice for bridesmaids dresses (she's also in the wedding) and getting her ringing endorsement was great. And spending a few hours wandering around Michael's was wonderful too.
But what really made it the best was the informal conversations we had that, from time to time, ventured into clothing size territory. And, for the first time in a very long time, I had a conversation about clothes sizes that didn't focus on how high (boo) or low (yay) the number was or on how a little bit of weight gain was the end of the world or how certain body types are preferred over others.
And it was so refreshing!
I don't even think she realized she was doing this, but it was wonderful to spend an afternoon with a woman who is comfortable in her body; who is aware that fitness is important but who does it to make herself feel good rather than to conform to a certain ideal; who never once said anything to me to make me feel bad about myself or my clothing sizes.
I came home and gushed all this to the Beau and how it made me realize that I look good the way I am and that it's okay to want to lose weight and to get in shape but to do it for me rather than because external influences think I should and that it's no big deal what the number is on the tag as long as the clothes fit well.
He looked and me, smiling, and said, "That's what I've been telling you!"
And, yes, he has been telling me that and of course I listened to him but I never really believed it until yesterday. It's amazing how such a simple thing - an afternoon shopping with my sister-in-law - turned in to such an epiphany-filled day.
I think I just might finally be on my way to really, truly, honestly loving myself and it's a wonderful feeling.