Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Happy happy joy joy

Word of the day: hap-pi-ness (noun) Good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.

Sometimes bad stuff happens and when it does, it really sucks. But sometimes, from the bad stuff, good stuff arises. This is what has happened to me recently.

My weekend was a little rocky. There’s no need to dwell on that because it happened and it can’t be un-happened. But from all the rockiness, I’ve found I’ve emerged with a renewed sense of optimism. I don’t know why it took bad stuff to make me realize there are things in my life that I need to fix, but I’ve realized it now and I’m actually a little thrilled to have figured it all out and to be working towards bettering certain relationships in my life.

The main one is the relationship with my mother, which has been rocky recently. After this weekend, I’ve made the necessary grown-up steps to start fixing this and I feel so good about it. Why, oh WHY, didn’t I do this sooner? Sometimes I wonder if my depression battles keep me down more than I realize, even when I am managing it. It’s like if something bad happens, I let it permeate every aspect of my life and just wallow in the badness and sadness. And that, my friends, just sucks.

I’m also working on the relationship I have with my brother, who I love so very, very much but who I’ve fallen out with lately. He’s a bit of a challenging personality and I’ve let that get in the way (bad big sister!) but no more! I want to have a better relationship with him and I’m more than capable of making the first step to fixing it, so I’ve done that.

And I feel ridiculously happy about all of this. It’s contagious too; I’ve started feeling happier about my job (I’ve felt in a bit of a funk lately) and I’m feeling great about other things, like my tiny, messy yet gloriously bug-free apartment and the upcoming holidays (which in the past have stressed me out more than they ever should have) and even the fact that it’s dark when I leave work. I kind of love this feeling and so I think I’ll hang on to it for awhile.

I’m also hoping to see other things in my life get better and better: other relationships (platonic and romantic), my opinions of myself, my health and fitness, even my sleep patterns.

In fact, my sleep is already getting better. The past two mornings I have woken up with my blankets still on me, rather than in a messy heap on the floor due to me tossing and turning all night.

And, honestly, I don’t care if this sounds cliché or Oprah-esque. This wonderful November weather is definitely helping too.

It’s a happiness WIN!

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