Dear apartment-hunting: You suck. Love, me.

Word of the day: fu-til-i-ty (noun) A futile act or event.

Do you know what I hate?  Apartment-hunting.  It sucks more than anything has ever sucked ever in the history of sucking.  I mean, it sucks more than Nicholas Cage movies.  It sucks more than Nickelback.  It sucks more than Stephen Harper.  It sucks more than Dan Brown's writing.  In fact, it sucks more than all those things combined.

I swear, I will find Osama bin Laden before I find a decent apartment.

And please answer me this:  how the HELL does any landlord expect me to be interested in their apartment if they don't post pictures?  Come ON!  Everyone and their 95-year-old grandmother has a digital camera.  Take a damned picture and add it to the listing.  And not an exterior shot.  I don't give two figs* what the street view looks like.  I can generally figure that out just by knowing where the place is located.  I care more about the space I would be paying for.  You know, where I would live.  The place I'm expected to call "home".  Take a fucking picture.

Speaking of neighbourhoods, you know what else would be useful?  Telling me where the stupid apartment is.  "Downtown Toronto" is not a location, it's a general area.  Chances are the apartment will be near some major streets that intersect; tell me what they are.  "Convenient location" is easily the worst ever.  I mean, a "convenient location" would also be locking these dumbass landlords up in a trunk and burying them.  Tell me where you are.

Also, when writing your description of the place, please don't just vomit a thesaurus into the posting.  Tell me things that are pertinent, like if utilities are included or if there is laundry in the building/unit or if there is a laundromat nearby.  I get that some people have a love of adjectives but this is an excellent example of where pictures will work best.

(While I have found an abundant of tiny apartments described as "spacious", I have only found one described as "specious".  Why are people dumb?)

However, I have to move because my current place sucks almost as much as finding another place does.  So while I'm trading one kind of suckage in for another I know I won't end up homeless.  I will find four walls and a roof to house me and my Ikea .  I'm just not going to particularly enjoy the process.

*I love this expression and don't use it nearly enough.