Monday, January 25, 2010

'Round and 'round

Word of the day: rou-tine (noun)  Regular, unvarying, habitual, unimaginative, or rote procedure.

I've become bored with the routine of my life. 

I'm not really sure where this came from, it just kind of ... showed up.  Maybe it's the mind-winter blues.  But it's strange to feel this way because I'm the queen of creature comforts and routine.  I like to know what I'm doing and going to be doing, what I'm getting myself into, where I stand, that kind of thing.  I like to know what's expected of me at work, what I need to do at the gym, what's on TV each night and whether it's a new episode.  And my life has very much been like this, which had, until now, been just fine.

But now I'm bored with it all.  Really?  Really? 

"I am a visitor here.  I am not permanent."

That might have something to do with it, feeling a bit like a visitor.  Or more like feeling nothing is permanent.  I really like the idea of putting down roots, of being in one place and building from there.  Sure, one could argue I've put down roots in Toronto, but I've moved around far too much to really feel rooted.  And I'll be moving again on April 1 and who knows how long that will last?  Yes, I've got a full time job but that doesn't mean a whole lot these days. 

I just feel like everything is temporary and could go away at any time.  I guess that's the reality of life though; you never know what's going to happen or what could suddenly change.  I just want to feel like what I'm doing is moving towards some kind of permanency.  And I don't feel like I'm doing anything like that.  Which could explain why I'm bored with the routine of my life - I really don't feel like it's leading anywhere. 

My life = hamster wheel.  Fun.


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