I'm through the first three weeks of the Couch to 5K program and it's going well. Since I've been here before, I know that I can do it and that it just takes a bit of work on my part to stay motivated and to run regularly. And I could be running more regularly, but I'm doing my best with it.
But I'm also getting scared. It looks like spring has finally decided to join us and I'm worried about my allergies. Last summer, I was making great progress and was all set to do the zombie run when allergies hit and I couldn't breathe...at all...even with two inhalers and allergy medication. And I'm scared of this happening again, of my hard work being negated by circumstances beyond my control.
Normally my fears are irrational as they are the result of me assuming the worst will happen in any situation and then magnifying that by about a bajillion. But this time I know my fears are actually based in reality and - worst of all - there's not a lot I can do about it.
Sure, I can keep running - and I will - but it feels like it's just a matter of time before I'm struck down and forced to start again after months of allergy-induced breathlessness.
And after spring comes the horrible humidity that is a Toronto summer, which also makes breathing hard. Then fall, with more allergens, then winter, with cold air that burns. Now that I'm running regularly outside I don't want to go back in on the treadmill; I love feeling the sun on my face, having the wind blow through my hair, smelling the freshness of spring.
I just have to keep trying (and keep reminding myself to keep trying).
It ain't easy being wheezy.