frus-tra-tion: (noun) a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.
I am presently going through another of my self-pity-yet-optimistic phases. Blah. I can't help but get caught up in all these people I know getting engaged or married, buying houses or condos, getting new jobs - and I can't help but wonder where I went wrong.
Of course I never did go wrong, not by any sense of the term, but I can't help feeling that way. It's a dangerous game to play, the "What-If?" game and I find myself playing it more and more. But no matter how many times I ask myself "What if...?" I know the answer and the answer is not what would work for me. Which is why I made the decisions I made when I made them. And I am not that hard off in life at all.
Sheesh - but all this discontent and questioning and wondering and "what-if?"-ing comes from disliking my current job. Isn't that how it always seems to work? One area of your life goes awry and, slowly but surely, everything else goes downhill? No? It's just me? Well, then...
Thing is, I'm okay to keep renting for awhile longer; I've got plans to start saving and I've just got to put those plans into action. Maybe I'm a little wistful for a wedding, but I'm sure it will come in good time and to someone who I should be marrying. As for work...I know I've just got to keep looking and being positive and all that Oprah-like thinking.
Doesn't make it any easier though.