un-hap-py: (adjective) sad; miserable; wretched. Unfortunate; unlucky.
I haven't really felt much like blogging lately and I'm forcing myself to write this post. The main reason: I've been rather miserable lately and I don't want that to spill over into here.
My first attempt at blogging was via MySpace - an account/page/whatever that I haven't visited in over a year and don't even know if it still exists - and there were quite a few posts there that were me bitching about this, that and the other thing. I think in my grumblings I was trying to be funny in that sarcastic-yet-witty way and I don't really know how well I succeeded but that is beside the point. The main thing was that I was complaining, whining, bitching, grumbling, etc., about far too much and I didn't want this blog to start being like that.
I will admit there have been a few posts where I have been grumbly but I try to keep those to a minimum. And if I'm writing about something I have a negative opinion about that is not just regarding my personal life, well, that's different.
What I'm having lots of trouble spitting out is that I don't want to bitch here. I've been doing it far too much to the people around me and to my mom, my roommate and my boytoy, I apologize. They have been on the receiving end of my misery and it's not fair to them. But it's almost inevitable because when we talk, stuff in my life comes up and when that stuff is making me unhappy, I end up discussing that misery and complaining their ears off.
Simple thing is this: there is one main aspect of my life that is not pleasing to me and, while I am endeavoring to change it, it's taking a bit of time and I have no real choice but to suck it up and deal with it until I can change it. And I'm trying - I REALLY AM - to be happier, to not let this get me down, to be positive and optimistic, to think happy thoughts, to picture myself being in a better position...but those who know me well know this is not my standard frame of mind. Alas.
I know I will get happier again. I know I made a mistake and I'm trying to fix it. I know what I need to do and I'm trying to do that. In all of this, I am also trying not to complain here.
Did I succeed? I think I just might have.
1 comment:
It's okay. It's not normal to be happy all the time. (Although someone once accused me of being a "happy robot," so I guess I appear happy to most people, most of the time.) And sometimes we need to vent about what we're not happy about. And I think a blog is a good place to do that. It's a little more concrete than just discussing something with another person, because you're forced to confront your feelings in a more tangible form. Words have power. And sometimes using the power of words to empty your head of the negative stuff can make the stuff suddenly look like a much smaller mountain than you thought. And climbing over it (or tunneling through) doesn't seem as hard as it once did.
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