Saturday, March 29, 2008


yo-gurt or yo-ghurt or yo-ghourt: (noun) A custard-like food with a tart flavour, prepared from milk curdled by bacteria, especially Lactobacillus bulgaricus and Streptococcus thermophilus, and often sweetened or flavored with fruit.

I don't care how you spell it, it's gross. Ugh, that half-liquid, half-solid slimy mess...blech. I used to eat yogurt but I never really liked it then. Not sure why I forced it down, but never again, I tell you. NEVER!!

Of course, now yogurt is one of those "super foods" that has all this good bacteria and regulatory biotics (pre- and pro- and maybe suf- and anti-, who knows) and there are all these commercials of women in their workout wear eating yogurt like it's the equivalent of stopping the seal hunt, but in a convenient lunch-sized package. And it's creamier! And you can take the Activia challenge! And Danino has some brain-building something-or-other for kids, so you have no excuse for having stupid children! And it has more fruit, so the package is transparent so you can see how much fruit is in there!

(Can you please tell me why the commercial for this transparent container shows strawberries with their hulls? Shouldn't that be taken out before the berries are added to the goopy, icky, gelatinous crap?)

Well, I see you, yogurt. I see you taking up shelf after shelf after shelf (after shelf after shelf after shelf after shelf...) at my grocery store. I see you and your fancy containers and your healthy-diet-ness and your "Take the challenge!" propaganda. But, yogurt, if you're so great, why haven't you stopped global warming, hm? Or, how about finding Jimmy Hoffa? What about that? And if you're so useful, how about getting the Leafs into the play-offs, eh? What? You can't? Well, who's all high and mighty now? Yeah, that's right, you just go back to the digestive tract, where you belong.

Hey! Pudding! Don't you run away! I'm coming for you next. Bwa-ha-ha!!!

1 comment:

Jaime said...

haha! It's yogurt here. Look, I've found the guy who knows where Jimmy Hoffa is...

Can you give me a little cred?