Stupid emotions

Sometimes being patient and optimistic and upbeat about things wears me down.

Sometimes I want to throw a big-ass temper tantrum.

Sometimes I want to scream and cry and throw things and swear and blame everyone else for every little thing that might have ever happened to me in my life that might have caused me even the slightest amount of grief.

Sometimes I want to be able to let my guard down and actually be vulnerable and let someone else take care of me.  I mean really take care of me.

Sometimes I don't want to have to think about what the next step is because someone else will take care of that for me.

Sometimes I don't want to find the silver lining to whatever crap has been dumped in my lap - even if it's not really crap but it feels like crap because my mind is set to interpret everything as crap.

Sometimes I want to put my feelings and wants and needs (or perceived needs) ahead of everyone else and be the central focus, even though, deep down, I hate being the centre of attention.

Sometimes I want someone else to make it all better.

Sometimes I want my whining and complaining to actually make things better.

Maybe that sometimes is now.

Maybe I won't get to do any of this because that's just not me.

But maybe I will.