Monday, June 8, 2009

Pardon my apology

Word of the day: a-po-lo-gy (noun) A written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another.

I have a really bad habit of saying “sorry”. I mean, a really, really bad habit. Of course, I apologize when I need to, as any good polite young woman should, but I also apologize when it doesn't make sense to apologize, when I haven’t done anything wrong but someone else might have, when I haven’t done anything that requires an apology and, when chastised for apologizing too much, I apologize.


I have been told on more than one occasion that I need to stop saying sorry all the time, going as far back as high school. Why do I do it? I’ve obviously been doing it since I was a teenager but I couldn’t tell you when for sure I developed this habit. Somewhere along the line, I developed this need to apologize for being me. I know there are parts of my personality that not everyone is going to like but instead of just allowing myself to accept that, I started apologizing for all those quirks/neuroses/anomalies and tried to change myself to fit some ideal personality that I thought everyone else wanted me to be. (It should be noted that, at no time, did anyone ever tell me I had to be a certain way.) Really, I was apologizing because I felt I was not good enough.

“So sorry for being me. Let me go change that. Be right back.”

And now I have decided that it is time to break this habit. So I’m going to stop apologizing, just like that, cold turkey. Unless I do something that requires an apology, “sorry” is dead to me.

I really do hope to kick this habit because doing so will only make me feel better about myself and more accepting of who I am. I guess this is the kind of introspection that happens when you’re staring 30 in the face. It’s time to own up to who I am and accept me for me, no apologies necessary.

No comments: