My body battle

Whoa, it's been awhile since I've been on here. Oops. No reason, really, except things have been pretty busy but also pretty much the same, so nothing really new to write about.

I'm still running and that's still going well; I should have no problem with my 5K run in September. And I think I'm starting to see the changes - however small - that regular running can make on a body. I've actually started looking at my body and thinking, "I look okay." rather than thinking, "Ugh."

But I'm also going through a body battle between what I see in the mirror and how my clothes fit (and what the scale is saying to me, the odd time I jump on it).

I was sorting through my clothes the other day, making a pile for donation, when I came across a pair of knee-length shorts that I hadn't pulled out yet this summer. I've had them for a few years but they're still holding up so I thought that I'd get one more season out of them - except they don't fit. Realizing this caused me to cry for about half an hour. (Seriously.) I got over it but I still feel bad about myself because of this. The other weird thing, though, is that other things that fit me at the beginning of the summer are now too big for me; one pair of shorts I bought two months ago are so baggy that you could pull them off me while they're still buttoned up.

And it's all very annoying and discouraging because I don't know what will fit me from day to day nor do I know if I should feel good about myself and how my body is changing because of my running or if I should feel bad about myself because I'm clearly gaining too much weight and need to stop.

I know that most people would just go with the "feel good about myself" plan, but I'm not most people and my brain just can't seem to work that way. And, of course, the wedding countdown is on (just over three months to go!) so I feel extra terrible for not being thinner than I am. But I also feel strong and proud for regularly running 5 kilometres at a time.

Really, I just don't know what cues I should be looking for in my battle with my body. Or maybe I'm just not fully accepting that I'm bigger than I ever should be and need to start some hardcore dieting STAT.

I honestly just don't know.

And then I ran five kilometres

This past week marked the final week of my Couch to 5K training program and they were all big runs - at least that's how they felt to me when I looked at the amount of time I was supposed to spend running.

In the previous week I had pushed myself a couple of times and ran through the 5-minute cool down, which boosted my overall running time to 30 minutes. And I was pretty proud of this but I wanted to make sure it wasn't a fluke, that I could actually do that more than once. So with those last three C25K runs (2 x 28 minutes, 1 x 30 minutes) I was cautiously optimistic of my success but also aware that it may not work out after all.

Turns out I needn't have worried.

The first 28-minute run I stuck to the 28 minutes and was almost able to do it; I hit 20 minutes and needed a quick walking break, so after a minute of catching my breath I ran the remaining 7 minutes. It was a bit discouraging but setbacks are to be expected, right?

The second 28-minute run went much better though; I was able to push through the extra 5 minutes at the end and top out at 33 minutes of running. I also turned on my RunKeeper app to track distance - and I clocked in at 4.9km! While I was a bit disappointed that I didn't hit 5km, I was also completely surprised that I'd even made it that far. Woot!

Then last night was the final run of the program, 30 minutes. Again I set RunKeeper to track my distance and suddenly I found myself running...and running...and running...until I'd topped out at 6km.

SIX FREAKING KILOMETRES!

Given, 0.7km of that distance was my walking warmup but still - I managed to hit 5km!

I gotta say, I'm pretty proud of myself. When I first started the program and had to do some of the first long runs (you know, 5 and 8 minutes) they were HARD. And there were times when I was pretty sure I couldn't do it and that I should just forget it and find another activity. I'm not really sure why I kept going; maybe deep down I was actually enjoying running (and now I can admit that I do enjoy running). Whatever the reason, I'm glad I kept at it. And the humidity has also helped, which is pretty much the only thing I like about the humidity. The warmer air helps make breathing easier for me. It will be interesting to see how the cooler air of fall affects me but I'm hoping I can ride the wave of summer running success into the fall and overcome any obstacles.

Overall I'm ridiculously pleased with myself and I have no problem bragging just a little!