Paronomania!

WW Weigh-in #6

2012-02-08T13:47:00.000-05:00

It's been an interesting week for me. The past few weigh-ins I've been wondering if I'd actually lose as I felt I'd been eating poorly. So far, though, I've always managed to drop a pound or two. But this past week I've been bad and I know it. I got my period and all I've wanted is carbs. I still managed five work-outs but all the bread and cake and pizza I've eaten caught up with me:

Last week: 19.2 lb
This week: 19.2 lb
Total gained this week: 1.0 lb

Weight loss target: 181.8 lb
To reach target: 10.4 lb

Honestly though, I'm okay with gaining a pound, for a couple of reasons. First, it's only a pound and easy enough to lose. Second, I needed to experience this to know where my eating line is and when I've crossed it. Regardless of what I have planned or what I want to eat, I know I have to make the right choices and now that I've experienced a gaining week I know better where the "do not cross" line of indulgence is.

Also I have an ear infection and I'm more focused on my throbbing head than my weight. That's right, pity me. =S

WW Weigh-in #5

2012-02-01T11:12:00.000-05:00

Today's weigh-in was a bit of a big deal since last week I was only 1.3 lb away from my first goal (and my lovely new book!). Of course I was nervous; I've been in this situation before, where I was so close to where I wanted to be and I'd ended up gaining and setting my progress back.

Here's what happened today:

Last week: 193.2 lb
This week: 191.2 lb
Total lost this week: 2.0 lb
Total lost with WW: 10.8 lb

First weight loss target: 191.9 lb
To reach target: ACHIEVED!

I did it! I hit my first weight loss target! I get my book! WW even gave me another star! And I'm only 1.3 lb away from hitting that elusive target I set for myself last year: to be under 190 lb.

Since I've hit my first goal, I had to set another one. I've also lost another point on my daily totals; I'm now at 30 points/day. Fortunately the minimum daily points on WW is 29 so I can only lose one more!

New weight loss target: 181.8 lb
To reach target: 9.4 lb

I also need to pick a new reward. This time, it will have to be clothing - oh the possibilities!

Ch-ch-changes

2012-01-29T15:57:00.000-05:00

Since joining WW, I've had great success with weight loss but I've also noticed some other changes that are pretty great. The biggest is that I'm not nearly as bloated and gassy as I used to be. (If this is TMI, I apologize!) This is definitely related to my better eating habits but it's also had a domino effect on other aspects of my life.

Before, when I would get dressed in the morning, I would pick outfits based on how bloated I felt - and no word of a lie, this actually limited my wardrobe options, particularly bottoms. Apparently I neglected to shop while bloated. (Who knew?) Now, though, I can put on most things in my closet and they fit well and I know that I can wear them comfortably all day. There are, of course, a few items of clothing that I don't fit just yet but I'll get there!

Another great impact is that I can work out any time now. Used to be my workouts were based on how gurgly my tummy felt and that would influence what exercise I did, if I exercised at all. And, let's face it, passing gas at the co-ed work gym is not among my favourite things to do. Now my tummy feels much better and I'm working at making exercise a regular part of my routine (even when I don't feel like showering again).

But perhaps the best change is that I'm really starting to like what I see in the mirror, especially around my midsection. I've always had troubles slimming out through my torso, something I've partly blamed on my PCOS but which - let's face it - was also a product of me eating 3 cups of mac and cheese in one sitting. And it's exciting to like how I look after so many years of not enjoying my reflection.

I'm also feeling optimistic that my happy weight may not be as low as I'd previously thought. Here I am, at 193 lb and already liking how I look. My goal is 170 but who knows? Maybe as I keep losing I'll discover I don't need to go that low to love myself. And as long as I love myself, everything will be a success.

All I want to do is eat

2012-01-26T19:58:00.000-05:00

And I've already used up all my points for today. And I've used up five of my weekly points. And I'm still hungry. And I didn't even have a workout today.

How strong can I be?

WW Weigh-in #4

2012-01-25T11:48:00.000-05:00

I'm slowly starting to learn that my misgivings and concerns pre-weigh-in are proving to be for naught. Two weeks in a row now I've expected either no results or to have gained but I've been pleasantly surprised. Last week I lost and this week:

Last week: 195.4 lb
This week: 193.2 lb
Total lost this week: 2.2 lb
Total lost with WW: 8.8 lb

First weight loss target: 191.9 lb
To reach target: 1.3 lb to lose

I'm not going to lie, this was a pretty big surprise. But having lost both last week and this week is helping me realize that I can have fun and have treats and even indulge a bit and it won't wreck my progress. Just not all the time (not that I was indulging all the time before!).

I also got in trouble from Weight Watchers. Turns out I'm losing too fast. I should be losing no more than 2 lb a week and I'm averaging higher than that. To this I say pshaw! I'm not trying to disregard this completely, I'm only saying that I feel healthy; I'm getting lots of good food; I'm exercising regularly; and I've got the Beau watching out for me, making sure I'm not doing anything drastic. I still think a lot of this weight loss is just my body responding well to better habits and that the rate of loss will slow down soon.

But until that happens, I'm perfectly happy with my 8.8 lb gone!

Three weeks in

2012-01-24T19:43:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is my fourth WW weigh-in but marks three full weeks that I've been on the program. So far, I've had great success, logging losses at each weigh-in. Last week I was a little nervous that a weekend of indulging would throw me off my progress, but I prevailed and still lost.

I'm not so optimistic about tomorrow.

I had another great Saturday night this past weekend and did a significant amount of damage to my points totals. As it stands tonight, I've burned through my extra 49 weekly points an dipped into my activity points, using seven of the 17 I've earned. I know this is what you're supposed to do, that it's okay to use up the points because you can't carry them over and it helps keep you from feeling deprived. Well, I certainly haven't felt deprived this week!

So I'm going into tomorrow with trepidation and I don't know what would be worse: gaining, losing or staying pat. Why would losing be bad? Because that would help emphasize that my indulging is okay, that I can do it and still lose weight. And this would be bad because it would feel like I'm reverting to old habits and that it's far too early in the program to do that. Gaining would be bad because, well, it's gaining. Staying pat would be the least bad of the three; at least I wouldn't have undone any of my progress!

I'll be honest, I'm still struggling with my food relationships. I want to eat when I'm not hungry, but because I'm bored. I'm trying to keep my fruit and veggie intake high but I'm starting to get tired of it. I also have problems listening to my body for "I'm full!" cues; I love food and I love to keep eating delicious things even when I'm more than satiated.

But it's only been three weeks and these are the things that Weight Watchers will help me with (right?). I've said before I'm not the most patient person so there's a part of me that wants to be 30 lb lighter NOW because haven't I eaten enough salad yet? I just have to keep reminding myself that I'll get there, that baby steps are where it's at, and that I'm in this with my body, not against it.

Confessions of a Weight Watcher: Peanut Butter

2012-01-22T18:24:00.001-05:00

I could easily eat my daily points allotment in peanut butter, any day of the week. And some days, it's really tempting.

My first reward

2012-01-20T18:59:00.000-05:00

With only 3.5 pounds to go to my first weight-loss goal (and a new book!), I figured it was high time I selected what that book would be. I've got a pretty lengthy list of books I want to read but this book has to be something good, something reward-worthy, not just another detective novel (which I will always love).

It's also tricky because Kobo keeps emailing me coupons to use on e-books, but the coupons are only good for a few days so I've got to act quickly. (They suck me in every time.) And I got another coupon today but it expires January 23, so before my next weigh-in and well before 3.5 pounds.

So the book I've chosen, the book that will not be tempted with Kobo coupons is:

The Prague Cemetery

It's about 19th century Europe and the conspiracies (real and imagined) that exist, the secret societies and murderous plots and general awfulness of the underbelly of society and asks: what if one man was behind all these conspiracies, with one document he created? Yes, I know it sounds a little Dan Brown (those who know me know I respect your right to like Dan Brown as long as you respect my right to hate him) but Umberto Eco is known for his literary criticism, work in semiotics and as a medievalist, so some intriguing credentials to say the least.

Regardless, I'm very excited about this book. Let's go 3.5 pounds!

WW Weigh-in #3

2012-01-18T21:08:00.000-05:00

I mentioned yesterday that I was nervous about today's weigh in, after a wonderful weekend of indulging with good company. But weighing in I did and here are the results:

Last week: 196.6 lb
This week: 195.4 lb
Total lost this week: 1.2 lb
Total lost with WW: 6.6 lb

First weight loss target: 191.9 lb
To reach target: 3.5 lb to lose

I was still able to lose 1.2 lb! Woo hoo! And now I'm only 3.5 lb away from my first weight loss target. At the rate I'm going I should be there in a couple of weeks! I guess I should decide what book I'm going to buy myself because I'm totally going to hit this target!

Tomorrow's weigh-in

2012-01-17T19:23:00.000-05:00

Weigh-in tomorrow could be scary. See, this past weekend the Beau and I got together with his siblings and their partners and we had a fabulous dinner party. And by fabulous I mean artichoke dip with tortilla chips; baked brie with crusty bread; bacon-wrapped, cornbread-stuffed Cornish hens; homemade mushroom risotto; Caesar salad with amazing homemade dressing; and a few bottle of delicious red wine. Understandably we were too full for a chocolate and caramel fondue. Next morning, however, we were able to have eggs Benedict with bacon (two kinds!) and mimosas.

It was a great time and I didn't count points at all on Saturday or Sunday. I got back on track Monday and Tuesday but I'm pretty sure I maxed out all my bonus points (and then some) on Saturday night, so my tracking on Monday and Tuesday won't exactly be accurate. But that's okay. Saturday was such a lovely evening that it was worth burning through too many points. And it's not something I'll be doing every weekend either, so there's nothing wrong with indulging now and then.

Revamping my wardrobe

2012-01-17T15:42:00.000-05:00

I've come to the realisation that starting a weight loss regime in January is a great idea in the "it's a new year and I'm going to lose weight" sense but a bad idea in the "I love clothes shopping and there are SO MANY SALES right now!" sense.

I've finally admitted to myself (and the Beau) that I'm a bit of a shopaholic. I really do enjoy buying new things. I am getting better, though, at not buying something every time I'm out, but it can be hard sometimes. Just wait until we get a house! (Sorry, dear.)

One of the promises I made to myself this year is to buy clothes that fit, regardless of the size on the tag. Another promise I've made is to start buying investment clothing, rather than the ubiquitous "fast fashion" items.

And this is where weight loss + January sales collide so unfairly. Yesterday I found two pieces at Banana Republic that I absolutely love and would love to own and that I feel will be pieces I'll wear for years (provided I keep the weight steady).

The first is this amazing polka-dot skirt:

I've wanted something polka-dotted for awhile now but I can never find anything dotty that I like. It either feels too retro or too clownish. But this sets my heart aflutter. At $110 though, it's investment clothing territory.

And second, a striped shirt with elbow patches(!):

It also comes in navy, pink and green but I'm kind of loving the red. Plus, I've got enough striped shirts in navy and white to not need another. And I'm obsessed with elbow patches for some reason which makes this shirt even better. And it's a good price at $62.

The big thing is that I shouldn't be buying clothes at this stage. I should be waiting until I've lost at least 10 pounds, if not more. Though I've said that when I hit my second weight loss goal I'll reward myself with clothing, so maybe it should be this sweater.

But whether I buy these now or later, I'm going to make more of an effort to buy clothes I can wear for years and years, not just because they're fashionable but because they're classic pieces that fit me well. And it's well-fitting clothes that are most important; if clothes fit me well, I'll look good and feel good and that's what I want!

Confessions of a Weigh Watcher: I almost cheated already

2012-01-12T17:35:00.000-05:00

Yup. Here I am, in my second full week, and I almost cheated.

In the winter I love me some hot chocolate and at home, we usually get the light stuff and a mug comes in at 2 points, which is just fine and makes for a nice chocolatey dessert. Today, though, I was craving one and went to Tim Horton's. After getting one, I discovered that a medium Tim's hot chocolate clocks in at 6 points! SIX POINTS! With only 13 points left for dinner, I wanted to just ignore this. I mean, it's just hot chocolate, right?

Thing is, it's only myself I'm hurting. And yes I have my extra points but I'm going to a dinner party this weekend where I don't want to have to be too careful and I didn't want to use up many extra points before that. In the end, though, I logged that hot chocolate. I wanted it, I drank it and I have to account for it.

And it was so good too...but I think I'll be avoiding them in the future, at least from Tim Horton's.

WW Weigh-in #2

2012-01-11T11:47:00.003-05:00

Today was my first weigh-in after a full week on WW and I was hopeful. I tracked everything I ate (even when I wanted to fudge some of the numbers. Mmmm...fudge.), I got in four workouts and I made sure I made choices that kept me within my daily allotment. The result:

Last week: 200.2 lb
This week: 196.6 lb
Total lost this week: 3.6 lb
Total lost with WW: 5.4 lb (I even got a star from WW for losing my first 5 lb!)

First weight loss target: 191.9 lb
To reach target: 4.7 lb to lose

I'm down 3.6 lb! I know that weight loss of 1-2 lb a week is typical on the program and I do expect that to kick in soon. Right now I'm at my pre-Christmas weight, and it feels pretty good that it only took me just over a week to get back there. So now I figure I'll be losing the standard 1-2 lb a week and I'm okay with that, because all the little numbers will add up!

The year that will be

2012-01-10T18:57:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the idea and effort and focus of losing weight can become all-encompassing for me and, while it's an important thing for me to accomplish this year, there are other things I want to do. Now, these are not resolutions because I don't do resolutions. Rather, these are things I want to add/add more of to my life to keep my life fun and interesting and not just about weight loss and points.

Here's what else I'd like to do this year:

1 - Read more
I used to think I had to read more literary books because that was something I should do but I've decided pish-posh to that; I'm just going to read more of what makes me happy. I should be able to knock off a book every two weeks and I've started a reading list that will more than get me started for the first six months or so. Right now I read mostly on the subway to and from work but I want to make more time at home for reading, whether finding an hour on the weekend or going to bed earlier so I can curl up with my kitty and good book. Some of the books I will be reading this year include Half-Blood Blues by Esi Edugyan; We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver; The Passage by Justin Cronin; The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern; The Guardians by Andrew Pyper; and Redeemer by Jo Nesbo (the second book in his Harry Hole series), among others. And I've got about 30 books in queue in my Kobo library, waiting for me to buy and read them. So much reading!

2 - Do 10 push-ups
For all the weights I lift I haven't yet become strong enough to do 10 consecutive, good form push-ups. I'd like to be able to get beyond 10, but it's a good place to start.

3 - Knit a sweater that fits
I knit three sweaters this past fall and none turned out just right. In fact, all three were too big throughout the body. This year, I will knit a sweater that FITS dammit!

4 - Be a storyteller
I've always had this pipe dream of writing a book. And of course in my dream it goes on to be an international bestseller and I'm able to quit my day job and work from home and write oodles of internationally bestselling - yet still critically acclaimed - books and live the life of a brilliant writer. Which I guess is why I've never actually written anything as I don't want to see this dream completely fall apart. But it's not just the writing I want to do; I want to be a good storyteller and I want to be able to translate that skill into writing. Really, though, I just want to be able to put out a good yarn. That would make me happy.

5 - Buy clothes that fit me well, regardless of the size on the tag
It's high time I stopped being controlled by the sizes on clothing tags. I'll admit, a lot of that comes from having a boyfriend who is tall and slender and lighter than me. I know that's a really stupid reason to not want to buy clothes of a certain size but it makes me feel huge(r) next to him. The kicker? He couldn't care less. It's all my hang-up. And it's time to let it go.

I think this is a pretty good list. I'm going to keep all these things in mind and work at accomplishing them all. Bring on the year!

Party hearty

2012-01-09T15:51:00.001-05:00

Last night was my BFF's birthday party and my first real test since starting Weigh Watchers. I went into the soiree with 13 points left in my daily allotment but I knew those wouldn't last long. Before going, I checked into the points values of white wine, as that's what I'd planned to drink. The result: 5 points for a 5 oz pour. And I had two glasses, so those 10 points pretty much wiped out my remaining allotment.

Over the course of the evening, I consumed a lot of veggies (hurrah broccoli, carrots and edamame!) but I also indulged in some cheese, a few crackers with prosciutto, some hummus and spinach dip for the veggies, a couple of shrimp and, of course, birthday cake. The grand total? 41 points of party fun (including the 10 points on wine).

My grand total on the day was 60, almost double my daily allotment and I burned through 28 of my weekly bonus points. I'm not beating myself up or anything as this is a learning experience (and also the reason for those extra weekly points). But it's helped me realize just how bad my choices were before. I always knew wine was loaded with sugar but thought that a couple of glasses couldn't be that bad. And birthday cake - 9 points! - wasn't something I ate regularly but it was something I didn't exactly restrain myself from when the opportunity presented itself. I also learned that 2 oz of brie rings in at a hefty 5 points. That's lotsa points for a wee bit o' cheese.

Of course I don't want to spend every party eating only the carrot sticks but fortunately my social calendar just busy enough to allow me to save my weekly points for indulgences. And if I go over, so what? I do want to lose weight and I'm serious about it but not to the point where I stop having fun. It will be hard to give up cheese but I can cut back on that; and I can easily cut down how much alcohol I drink. But I'm still going to have fun!

This coming weekend presents the next challenge: dinner with the Beau's siblings/siblings-in-law which will include baked brie; cornish hens; cornbread stuffing; a chocolate fondue; and ample wine. Again, I'll make the best choices I can but I won't let those points stop me from enjoying the evening.

I'll just have to add another workout or two!

WW Weigh-in #1

2012-01-04T14:01:00.000-05:00

Here we are, at my first Weight Watchers Wednesday weigh-in. (I promise I didn't pick Wednesday as my weigh-in day for any alliterative reasons. Really.) It feels a bit weird to be weighing in again since I just did this on Monday but here we are.

Starting weight: 202.0 lb
First target weight: 191.9 lb (and a new book!)

Current weight: 200.2 lb.
Results: -1.8 lb

Yes, I realize losing almost two pounds in two days is not healthy, but this is more my body finally getting used to not eating like it's Christmas day every day for two weeks. Also, oddly enough, I'm right back where I was when I initially started trying to lose weight. But this time I'm hoping to see more/better results, so long as I don't hit too many points each day.

Confessions of a Weight Watcher: Point!

2012-01-04T13:52:00.000-05:00

As you know I signed up for Weight Watchers on Monday and set Wednesday as my weigh-in day. That means Wednesday is the start of a new week and since I signed up Monday afternoon, I really only had one day of points for "last week", which was yesterday.

I have a daily points allotment of 32, with 49 extra weekly points. At first that felt like a lot...until I logged a day's worth of points and came in at - wait for it - 55.

That's right, I burned through 55 points in my first day! I mean, it's only 23 more than my daily allotment. Only.

Needless to say, yesterday was a great learning experience for me and I'm a little relieved I got to reset today.

Day One

2012-01-03T15:55:00.000-05:00

Today is the first day I'm monitoring my food on Weight Watchers and I've already had a couple of eye-openers.

I've become rather lazy of late and started eating breakfast at work. I always get a breakfast sandwich from Tim Horton's, but before you condemn me, I get it on an English muffin and only egg and cheese - no meat. Combined with my standard (and very necessary) x-large coffee I always felt this was a decent breakfast. I've even looked at the nutrition info and at 280 calories it seemed pretty decent. Imagine my surprise when I logged it into Weight Watchers and it came up at 8 points. That's 1/4 of my daily points value right there, in one hockey-puck shaped meal of eggy goodness.

The next surprise came at lunch. I've fallen in love with this bbq chicken ranch salad here at work. It's big and filling and delicious and even has creamy dressing but comes in at 390 calories (dressing included). And it keeps me full until after my afternoon workout, which seemed even better. And then I entered it into Weight Watchers and the dressing alone came to 6 points. I should have guessed it would be high, seeing how it has 20g of fat (!!!) but at 190 calories for the packet, it still kept my lunch at around 400 calories which, again, didn't feel that bad.

I'm dreading dinner a bit tonight as I'm at work and I'll have to be very careful with serving sizes and then with finding the food in WW. But this week is going to be more about seeing where I'm at then about being super strict with my points. Still, though, I'm already a bit in shock over food I thought was better for me (and that I really enjoy). What will matter is how I do each day and where my points are at by the end of the week and if it's still worthwhile fitting these things into my diet.

Oh, and I weighed myself again this morning. All week I know I'll be a little obsessive about it because I was so disappointed with the number yesterday. Though this morning I weighed in at 201.8 lb, which is down 0.2 lb from yesterday. While it's not much, it does indicate that even getting back to my pre-Christmas eating habits will be good for me. I also threw out the last of the Christmas baking last night. There are a couple of boxes of chocolates at home but they'll be done soon; then the last of the temptations will be gone and I can focus on what's good for me. Tomorrow I plan to stock up on fruits and veggies too. It's doing the little things that will help make the bigger things happen - namely being less of a bigger thing!

Welcome to 2012!

2012-01-02T16:31:00.000-05:00

This is going to be a good year and not just because I'm pretty sure the Mayans were wrong. It's only January 2 but there are already a few good things in the air for this year, including:

- the Beau and I hope to buy a house (!!!)
- my student loans should be finally paid off (!!!!)
- I'm hoping to run a 5K in the fall (!?!?!?!)

As for my 2011 goals, I didn't really end up where I wanted to with them. The closest I came was with my student debt. I wanted to be at $5,000 owing and I'm sitting at about $5,200, which is still damn good. I paid off about $11,000 this past year which I'm ridiculously proud of. My other goals, though, not so much...

With my running, I'm still doing well but only managed to hit 4k before the end of the year and that's still with walking breaks. But I'm going to keep working at that because I do enjoy running.

The rest of my goals were all dependent on my weight and fitting into clothes and that just didn't happen. When I started my weight loss plans, I weighed 200.2 lb. I weighed myself today to see where I was and I'm currently at 202.0 lb.

That's right: despite all my weight yo-yoing and missed targets and readjustments I managed to finish the year weighing more than when I started. To be honest, I'm fighting back tears right now but I know some of that weight gain is superficial; I haven't been drinking as much water as I usually do so I bet that within a couple of days I'll be down a couple of pounds as I rehydrate and get some of the salt out of my system. And I've also eaten rather well the past two weeks (read: delicious yet not healthy). Over the course of the Christmas season, I've had lobster; baked potatoes and mashed potatoes; turkey with gravy; stuffing with sausage; roast beef; roast ham (twice!); barbequed goose; pecan tarts; shortbread; bacon and eggs at least four times for breakfast; at least two bottles of wine to myself; cheese (delicious, delicious cheese); and myriad chocolates and other sweets. I've also worked out once since December 22 - though I did have a lovely walk with some of the Beau's family over the holidays.

While eating like this is to be expected this time of year, it doesn't make me feel any better. Right now, I feel lumpy and swollen and soft and doughy and I really hate that feeling. So I'm going to keep up with my weigh loss goals and weekly weigh-ins but there's a new twist. This afternoon, as a gift to myself, I joined Weight Watchers online.

I know other people who have used/are using Weight Watchers to great success and I just wasn't doing what I needed to do on my own. I put off joining Weight Watchers saying that I should spend my money on my debt repayment but the real reason was because I felt like a failure by seeking help. See, I have a real problem asking for and accepting help. I always feel like I should be able to do things on my own - and when I can't I just quit. But losing weight is something I really need to do to feel better about myself. Right now, I don't even want the Beau - the man who has committed to loving me for the rest of our lives - to see me naked. How awful is that?! Really awful is the correct answer.

So I'm accepting help and not feeling ashamed about it. Instead, I'm feeling proud and excited because now I'll have a real structure and schedule to work with (and, let's face it, that's what I love - it's what I do professionally, for the most part!) and clear goals. Here's the breakdown:

- I've set Wednesday as my weigh-in day so I'll be keeping up that part of the plan.
- my daily points are at 32.
- my weekly extra points are 49
- my weekly activity points are 14

Since I just signed up less than an hour ago, I'm going to start tracking all my meals tomorrow. (Today is also my last day of holidays, so I feel like I should be allowed one last day of sloth and gluttony.) My first goal is to lose 5% of my weight, which would bring me to 191.9 lb. I'm hoping to see that number sooner than later!

To go along with this, I've been thinking about what kind of rewards I'd like to give myself because, hey, I should be rewarded, right? There are two things I have in mind: clothes and books. I have a list of 10 books I'd like to read and I've been thinking a lot about my personal style and the fact that I don't really have one and what I'd like to cultivate as my style. So as I hit each goal I'm going to reward myself with either a book or an item of clothing. My first reward will be a book as I'm hoping to be lighter before I buy more clothes!

Phew, what a long entry! Losing weight won't be my only plan for 2012 but it's the main one. I'll post later about the other things I'd like to accomplish this year and I'll be back on Wednesday to track my weight.

Here's to a happy, healthy, lighter 2012!

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T15:55:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year everyone! I can't believe it's the end of 2011 already. I say this every December 31st, but where did the year go?!

It's been a good year I must say. The year had its highs (my new job) and low (we lost the Beau's grandmother), overall 2011 was good. And some may say that it's a bad year if nothing good happens, but I say it's a good year if nothing terribly bad happens. And today the Beau, the kitty and I find ourselves in good health and high spirits, comfy in our wonderful home and knowing we're surrounded by family and friends we love and who love us back.

It's okay to maintain the status quo, when the status quo is as good as this. I hope tonight finds you all in high spirits and that tomorrow ushers in a happy and wonderful new year!

Here's to 2012!

Merry Christmas to all!

2011-12-23T14:07:00.001-05:00

Today is Friday. It was Wednesday two days ago and I didn't weigh in. Oops.

But it's been a busy week this week, even with work being quiet; putting the finishing touches on Christmas takes as much - or more - time as putting on the starting touches. But I think we're ready. Even if we're not, we're heading out of town this afternoon and won't be back home until after Christmas, likely December 28. And since that's only three days from my year-end goal round-up, I figure there's no harm in not weighing in again until then.

After all, it's the holidays! Time to relax, enjoy family and friends, eat delicious food, drink delicious drinks and just not worry about silly things like the number on the scale.

To everyone who reads this, I wish you a very happy and safe Christmas and I'll see you before the New Year!

Happy Christmas to me!

2011-12-23T09:37:00.001-05:00

I do love the Christmas season and I love giving and making presents for others, but I also like to treat myself. And I've been so good this year paying down my debts that, when I got my overtime pay cheque, I thought I'd do something special for me.

I ended up shelling out a bit more than I normally would on something for myself - $1,118.06 to be exact - but this is a one-time thing and I figured it was well worth it.

And even though it was all done online I still got a bit of a rush when I processed the payment. It's always a little sad seeing that much money disappear from my bank account but I'm confident it was the right thing to do and the right time to spend that much money.

Regardless, the money has been spent and there's a strict no refunds or returns policy so what's done is done.

I paid off another student loan today. That's 3 of 4 gone. And no more loans with CIBC.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ME!!

How much exercise is that cookie worth?

2011-12-21T13:51:00.000-05:00

I came across this interesting blog post on Chatelaine and looked at the article on Marie Claire that it referenced and the idea intrigues me: put exercise labels on junk food, as well as calorie labels. The idea is that telling people how much exercise they'll have to do to burn off the junk food they're about to consume will encourage them to make healthier choices and not eat that doughnut.

The Marie Claire article cited a study that showed sales in pop dropped after people knew how much exercise was required to burn it off. I find this fascinating and knowing how much exercise that cookie will cost me is much more helpful than knowing how many calories are in it. I think that people (me included) vastly overestimate the amount of calories they burn when exercising. I know that the calories burned counter on cardio machines is often wrong (in an overestimating sense) but seeing 453 calories burned after 45 minutes of exercise feels...paltry. And knowing it's likely less feels even worse.

Of course, arguments will be made against this idea because people can burn more or less calories depending on their fitness level. But I think that people who are fit already avoid junk food or at least indulge infrequently enough to not need to worry about burning off the bad food. With obesity rates rising in children and the sedentary lifestyle becoming the rule, I think it's a good idea, especially with food and beverages that people think are healthier. Would a parent be less likely to give a child a huge glass of Sunny D if it would take an hour of exercise to burn it off?

And that's what I'd like to see: how much exercise it would take to cancel out the "healthy" foods we're led to believe are better for us because the TV says they are high in calcium or made with whole grains or are fat-free. I know a Big Mac is bad; tell me how bad that fat-free popcorn is or the sugar-free yogurt.

Book Review: The Sisters Brothers

2011-12-20T14:13:00.003-05:00

I love the cover of this book. More books need awesome covers like this. I also happened to love the text of the book as well. Isn't it great when things work out like that?

With all the buzz and much-deserved accolades given to The Sisters Brothers by Patrick DeWitt, I feel like it would be redundant to rehash the plot but I also feel some kind of summary is necessary so I'll do my best to keep it short: Charlie and Eli Sisters are muscle-for-hire en route to do a job in California during the Gold Rush. While traveling across the country, Eli begins to question why they do what they do and what kind of life he'd like to have instead. The journey to and from the west coast ends up changing both brothers irrevocably.

There are so many great things about this book, but the one I found most interesting was the narrator: Eli Sisters. Being told first-person by one half of the brothers was unexpected, in all honesty, but it worked. Eli is the one who is questioning what they do and what else they could do and doesn't have the same lust for killing that older brother Charlie has. He's more of a moral compass as well, but always fiercely loyal to Charlie. Eli also shuns many western cliches: he's not fond of the drink; he has feelings that go beyond physical for the whores; he loves his horse enough that he turns down a better steed to keep his wonky, one-eyed wonder; he worries about his weight; and he's thrilled at the idea of brushing his teeth. (Seriously, how often does personal hygiene crop up in westerns?)

But the book isn't played as some kind of odd couple romp; the comic elements are decidedly dark and though Charlie and Eli are different, they are brothers and they stick together. Also, we never get into Charlie's head; there's no alternating narrators, just Eli, and I like that. We're taken on this journey with the two title characters and we learn about them both, but only through the eyes and mind of Eli. And while both men suffer, it's Charlie who suffers the most - but again, we only know how much based on Eli's perceptions.

Using the Gold Rush as the background is also wonderful, as it allows a variety of secondary gold-obsessed characters to come and go to comedic and melodramatic effect. It also puts the reader in familiar territory as we all know of the Gold Rush and the dreams and greed it inspired. And of the myriad characters, including the brothers, it's hard to pinpoint who's "good" and who's "bad". Of course, some are worse than other and some are better than others, but it's not like other westerns where you know who to root for; the good guys don't rid up in white hats at the last second to save the maiden tied on the train tracks. Maybe I'm generalizing a bit as I don't know if all westerns clearly identify the good and the bad, but I appreciate a book more when there is that ambiguity and gray area between good and bad.

I think Eli as narrator is my favourite element of this book. The more I think about it, the more it feels daring and unconventional. (It could be I feel that way because I don't read enough, but whatever.) This book was a mainstay on literary awards' shortlists (and award recipient) for good reason: it's a smart, interesting book with intriguing characters, set during a time in history we're all familiar with. I don't know enough about westerns in literature to know if this refreshes or invokes other cliches about the genre, but it's more than just white hat vs black hat in a shoot out at high noon in some corral.

Book Review: Clouded Vision

2011-12-20T13:27:00.001-05:00

It's high time I caught up on my Canadian Book Challenge reviews. I have been reading (thank you, hour-long commute!) but I just haven't made the time to write my reviews. I've got four books to review (and another two to read) and I've got the time now, so those reviews will be coming fast and furious.

The first in my backlog is Clouded Vision, a novella by Linwood Barclay. I used to read Barclay regularly when he was a columnist with the Toronto Star and when he left to pursue a writing career, well, I didn't follow. This is the first of his fiction offerings I've read. He has done quite well for himself, achieving international success with his crime books and I believe he's carved out his own niche for suburban crime thrillers.

So I felt kind of bad when I didn't like Clouded Vision.

I do like the novella as a format: longer than a short story, shorter than a novel but still enough to provide a good read. One of my favourite novellas is Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption by Stephen King, which was later adapted into one of my favourite movies, The Shawshank Redemption. Just because a novella is shorter doesn't mean it can't produce a good story.

Clouded Vision does have an interesting story: a young woman, Keisha, pretends to by psychic to help people, all the while charging $1,000 for her "skills". She goes to the house of a man whose wife is missing to give him "clues" and make a quick buck. Of course, things go terribly, horribly, awfully wrong.

There are some interesting twists, I'll give it that. The story sticks to the night when Keisha is pulling her scam, with a few flashbacks for context. The only characters in the story are necessary ones and the plot moves along quickly (though being a novella, there's no time to dilly-dally).

It's hard for me to pinpoint what exactly I didn't like about this book. The only reason I've kept thinking about it is because I have to review it. And I didn't feel any desire to pick up another book by Barclay; in fact I felt the opposite. I don't want to read more of his books, which makes me sad because I love me a good crime thriller and I love supporting Canadian authors. But this story just felt...flat.

I have no doubt that many people will read this and enjoy it and pick up other books by Barclay and enjoy them. I just won't be one of them.

Book Review: Natural Order

2011-12-20T13:27:00.000-05:00

Natural Order is my favourite book of 2011. Hands down. Go read it. Now.

Do you guys remember the book Fruit? It's about a boy who's nipples start talking to him one day and it was the runner up in the 2009 edition of Canada Reads. Fruit is written by Brian Francis and, though I've never read it, I may have to after reading Francis' Natural Order.

First, a note about the author: Brian Francis is a male (which may be obvious from the name, but pseudonyms and such can throw you for a loop), he's gay and I believe he lives in Toronto. Why is this important? Because he has made the narrator of Natural Order a small-town woman in her 80s named Joyce Sparks - and he does a fantastic job telling the story in her voice.

The story centres on Joyce and various stages of her life: as a teenager, as a wife and mother, as a widow living on her own and as an octogenarian in a nursing home nearing the end of her life. As Joyce narrated through her life, my emotions towards her changed. At times I liked her, hated her, sympathized with her, questioned her, and wanted to scream, "Just talk to him!". She's a frustrating character and comes across as both protagonist and antagonist simply by being herself.

As a teenager, Joyce fell in love with Freddy Pender, despite rumours that he was "fruity". When Freddy left his small-town life for an acting career, Joyce married Charlie Sparks and had a son named John, though she never stopped thinking of Freddy and would even buy the tabloids for a glimpse of him in his new life. Joyce eventually learns that Freddy has committed suicide by jumping from a cruise ship and is told by Freddy's mother that a mother always knows when something isn't right with her son.

These allusions to Freddy's homosexuality weigh on Joyce as she sees her beloved son drawn to dolls and kitchen sets rather than trucks and sports. Desperate to protect her son, Joyce begins making choices and keeping secrets from her husband, family and friends, trying to ensure John doesn't end up like Freddy. But her choices and secrets do have a devastating effect on her and her loved ones.

Homophobia is always simmering beneath the surface in this book and many would be appalled that people could think and feel this way towards homosexuals. However, I'm from a small town where homophobia also simmers and sometimes boils over and reading about Joyce in her small town and the attitudes people had towards gays hit close to home. At times it felt like Joyce was talking about people I knew and still know, people who still think this way.

Brian Francis is a wonderful writer and he takes the reader between the various times in Joyce's life easily, even when it's one paragraph to the next. Francis has Joyce hinting at what happened next in the past before taking the reader back to the present and Joyce's current struggles with her choices. These were lovely little cliffhangers that kept me reading far later into the night than I should have.

Despite her flaws, though, Joyce makes her decisions out of love and Francis never makes us think she's a hateful person. Confused, scared, proud, even devious, but never hateful. She does what she thinks is right, even if the reader knows it's so wrong and who wouldn't do what they think is right for someone they love?

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #36

2011-12-19T11:41:00.001-05:00

Yes it's Monday. Yes I'm finally posting about my weigh-in last Wednesday. But I have good reason for being late: I doubted the accuracy of my scale and had to figure out how to test it. The solution presented itself over the weekend, as I started my Christmas baking and a key part of baking is flour. So while shopping for ingredients I picked up an 11 lb bag of flour - which turned out to be the perfect thing to test my scale, as I know exactly how much it weighs.

Boo-yah!

I had convinced myself my scale was off and felt rather smug when putting the bag of flour on said scale. And the reading?

11 pounds. Which is how much the bag of flour weighs. Which means my scale works just fine. Which means my weight is what it say it is. Which is rather shitty.

So...the weigh-in:

Last week: 196.4 lb
This week: 196.4 lb

Okay, no change is better than gaining. I'll go with that. Still, I'd like to get that last 6.4 lb off before January 1. (Actually, I'd like to get 6.5 lb off so the scale reads less than 190 lb. Yup, I'm so splitting hairs on this.)

So there you have it. My scale works, my weight isn't dropping (but also not climbing) and I baked all weekend. Though I did learn something while baking: if you ever want to know how bad a dessert is, just make it from scratch. I'm looking at you, pecan pie with 1 cup of corn syrup.

In the Christmas spirit

2011-12-13T20:57:00.002-05:00

Like the new red look? I wanted something a little more Christmasy for my blog and I think this works. I do love this time of year!

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #35 and Goals Update

2011-12-08T11:22:00.001-05:00

Hi guys! Remember me? That tardy blogger? Yeah. I started this post Thursday at work and I'm finally posting it Friday. Yeesh.

I haven't been ignoring my blogging duties on purpose, it's just that life got in the way - but it's been good. I haven't talked much about my happy health of late and that's still important to me and an important part of overall health. The reason I haven't been talking about it is because I'm in such a good place, happy-wise. Despite some previous setbacks and a rough day here and there, I've been super happy. It likely has to do with the Christmas season because I LOVE this time of year but I'm also at a good place in my life. To be cliche, things are falling (and have fallen) into place. And it's grand.

But that doesn't mean I don't still have goals or that I'm not getting on the scale. Since I skipped blogging about my weigh-in last week (but I did weigh in), let's start there:

Two weeks ago: forgot to weigh in
Last week: 196.6 lb
This week 196.4 lb (-0.2 lb)

I've decided I need a new scale. It's digital and when I turn it on it automatically shows 4 lb, even though no one and nothing is on it. I reset it after this of course, but I'm always wondering if it's phantomly adding 4 lb. So I'm going to buy a new one. Take THAT, scale!

(And for the record, not thrilled with this number but I feel good and think I look pretty good, so I'm not going to stress too much).

So how goes everything else? Let's see:

Goal:Run - I'm slowly getting back into running regularly but I'm stalling out at about 3 km. I also need to get a refill on my Ventalin inhaler so I can continue to breathe. Once I do this I should be able to get my distance back up there. Lately I've been running out of breath before I run out of energy.

Goal:Food - Work has been so busy of late that I've completely fallen off doing this. I need to get back into it because I know I do well for most of the day but fall apart in the evenings (usually evenings spent at work when all there is to snack on is Tim Horton's and vending machines and chocolates. Note to self: bring more snacks to work.)

Goal:Weight - So I'm pretty much not going to hit 170 lb by the end of the year. Right now, I just want to be below 190 lb. I think if I can keep up the workouts (and running) and really pay attention to what I eat I can actually lose this weight during the Christmas season. Yeah!

Goal:Pants - I meant to take a picture on Thursday night of how my jeans are fitting but I ran out of time. After December 13 my life gets much calmer, so I'll check it out then.

Goal:Dress - See above.

Goal:Debt - I currently owe $6,725.44 ($5416.01 + $1,309.43). I racked up huge amounts of overtime but unfortunately it wasn't logged in time to be added to my next paycheque (which I get tomorrow). So it's two more weeks before my 30+ hours (!) of overtime are added, but when it does come it will be a nice amount to add to my loans. I'm close...so close! The other upside is that I'm done all my Christmas shopping so any extra cash that comes my way will be able to go on loans. Even if my scale number isn't going down, this number is and I'm so proud of that!

So that's where I stand with 22 days left in this year. What will I be able to cross off this list in the next three weeks? I'll let you know!

Late to the party

2011-12-02T20:57:00.001-05:00

Hey kids, it's me. Late again. And I'm going to be even later with my goals update because not only am I still at work (at 9pm on a Friday) but I'm also out of town for the weekend. I'll be back Sunday night at which time I'll let you know how well (or not) I'm doing.

Until then, have a great weekend!

I hate the scale

2011-11-30T17:54:00.001-05:00

And the scale hates me.

I'm going to do another goals update tomorrow so I'll add my weigh-in update to that. Needless to say, not impressed by the number on the scale and unsure how one gains that much weight in two weeks.

Le sigh.

Um...where did the week go?

2011-11-25T11:37:00.001-05:00

I woke up this morning all excited it was Friday and realized - I didn't get on the scale on Wednesday. I didn't even think about getting on the scale. In fact, I barely even noticed I missed my weekly weigh-in.

Why? It's been a nutsy week at work. We finished a regular issue on Tuesday and we're currently working on our Newsmakers issue, which goes to the printer today so we've done two magazines in a week, which is not the norm. Hence my life not being any kind of norm. Though I have managed to get home most nights this week before the Beau went to bed, which is always nice. There have been work weeks where I haven't seen him awake for three days at a time.

But back to the weigh-in: I'm just going to let it go and get back on track next week. After all, why stress about that kind of thing? The world will not end if I don't get on a scale.

Happy Friday everyone!

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #34

2011-11-19T11:31:00.001-05:00

As seems to be the routine of late, I weigh myself on Wednesdays but don't update here until a few days later. And it was a bittersweet weigh-in, that's for sure.

Last week: 196.6 lb
This week: 193.6 lb

Sweet because I'm down 3 lb but bitter because I'm still annoyed I have to lose that extra 6 lb that I put on over a weekend (apparently). Still, the number is going the right way this week and that's what matters.

Disappointment

2011-11-17T12:57:00.001-05:00

I don't deal well with disappointment.

I recently knit the Beau a shawl-collar cardigan. I showed him the pattern, got his approval on the colour and went to town. It took me about a month to complete the project and, to look at it, it looks great. The problem? It doesn't fit all that well, particularly through the body (it's too big). Even though the Beau has professed his love for the sweater, seeing it fitting him improperly sent me into a tailspin of misery and self-loathing.

I'd measured - how could I have failed so badly? Why hadn't I checked the size earlier? Why did I even think I could knit a sweater that fit? I was so upset that we couldn't talk about the sweater for three days, and when we did finally talk about it, it was a tens conversation.

I was just so disappointed in myself and I felt like a huge failure.

I'm a self-taught knitter and I'm proud of my knitting skills. But it's also something I'm good at. Of the talents I have (perceived or otherwise) not many are showcase-able: I can't sing or play an instrument; I'm not a dancer; there's no sport at which I'm good enough to join a team or league; I haven't been able to become a 5K-a-weekend runner; I'm smart but not the kind of smart that can participate in serious conversations about important issues (like politics, the environment, business/finance, etc.); even at work, my job isn't prestigious enough to earn a byline or any kind of recognition beyond my name in tiny font in the masthead.

I am a knitter; it feels like all I've got. So when a knitting project doesn't work out, it's a huge failure for me. And it's not even recognition that I want (though that's always nice), it's that I want people to say about me, "Oh, she's the so-and-so who can do this-and-that."

(I also bake and regularly receive accolades for my baking, which is lovely, but I don't bake that much because it's hard finding people to eat it, what with people being health-conscious and such.)

So back to the knitting. And it's not like it's something I can regale people with. I don't break out the needles so they can watch me knit the way you'd watch someone show off new dance steps or listen to someone spontaneously start caroling while out Christmas shopping. I'm not going to take the nephews into the backyard to show them how to purl the way someone might show them how to kick a soccer ball. I guess I just want to feel like I'm talented and when the one thing I think I'm good at I'm suddenly not good at, well, it hurts. A lot.

I'm knitting two more sweaters for Christmas, one for my brother and one for my mom. I'm now much less confident in my ability to get them to fit so we'll see how they turn out.

Off the hooch

2011-11-14T14:11:00.001-05:00

I've decided to stop drinking. I've done this in the past and enjoyed it when I was on the wagon and I want to do it again.

Why?, you may ask.

In the past, when I've taken a booze break, some people have viewed my decision as a tacit condemnation of their own drinking habits and insisted on me having even just one. And that's not it at all. There are three reasons why I'm doing this:

1. Drinking doesn't make me have more fun
In fact, the more I drink in one sitting the less likely I am to remember any fun I've had. I'd much rather be able to recall a deep/hilarious/thoughtful conversation than say, "I was so drunk last night I don't remember a thing!"

2. I feel like crap the day after and I lose that day
My hours are pretty intense so my weekends mean a lot to me. When I tie one on, I'm on the couch the next day and pretty much out of commission. While there's nothing wrong with a day on the couch, I'd rather it be by choice, not necessity.

3. All those extra calories
Alcohol has calories, which is bad, but the post-drinking hangover food also kills my diet ambitions. Yesterday I ate eggs with mushroom gravy, a panzerotto, chicken pieces, party mix and Miss Vickie's chips. Not a stellar diet by any stretch.

Now, you may be noticing that as I talk about my drinking habits I'm pretty much an all-or-nothing girl. And it's not that I can't stop after one drink. It's that when I'm in a situation where there are drinks it's the kind of situation where no one stops after one. So here's where I add a caveat: I will still have a glass of wine with dinner or at a celebration. But just one. And only on special occasions. And, let's face it, we're on the cusp of the season of special occasions. There will be family dinners, friends' birthdays, New Year's Eve - and I will have a drink to mark these festivities and that's it.

I don't judge other when they imbibe for a night and I won't become judgmental just because I'm not joining in. But for the reasons listed above, it's the right thing for me to do now. And I'll toast to that.

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #33

2011-11-09T23:17:00.003-05:00

Okay, I had an indulgent weekend. It was the Beau's birthday last Friday and we went all-out with the food and drink. So I was expecting a bit of a gain, but I wasn't ready for this:

Last week: 192.0
This week: 196.6

Seriously!? I gained 4.6 lb!? NOT IMPRESSED with this. I also didn't believe my scale and got on it a few times. I'm also getting on it again tomorrow because this just feels wrong.

Also, I went grocery shopping today and have a fridge full of grapes, cucumbers, carrots, kale, red peppers, apples, oranges, green beans and Greek yogurt (which I've discovered I love). Next week's weigh-in will be MUCH better!

Oh, and I started with Relora on Sunday night and I can definitely say I'm sleeping better. I also feel more relaxed but I'm not sure if that's the supplements or my brain having placebo effect. Still, I'm happy with how it's going - even though it's only been three days.

2011 Goal Update #3 and Up-Down Weigh-in #32

2011-11-06T18:53:00.000-05:00

Once again, I"m so late on my goal updates, but it's been a busy few days. The Beau's birthday was on Friday so we took the day off and explored some neighbourhoods we're considering moving to next year (yup, we hope to buy a house). Then we had all kinds of meals out, did some errands and went out with friends last night so it's been a great, yet busy, weekend.

Anyways, enough excuses; here's the goal breakdown and my weigh-in for this past Wednesday.

Goal:Plank - Again, not a single plank done in October. This is officially over.

Goal:Run - I haven't gone for a run in a couple of weeks, as I was training for my CN Tower stair climb and then battled a cold. The plan is to get back into it tomorrow. My current distance is 4.25 km, which is 0.25 km less than I wanted by this point but missing two weeks of running will do that to a person. I still want to hit 5 km by the end of November so I'm going to keep aiming for that.

Goal:Food - Again, not really doing this. I'm trying to keep track in my head but it's just not working. Tomorrow's Monday and a great day to start with the food journal again. This is something I really need to get back on track with.

Goal:Weight - My last weigh-in on Wednesday had me at 192 lb, so no change from the previous week but I'm still not making the losses I need to hit my target. But like the running, I'm just going to keep trying.

Goal:Pants - No dice.

Goal:Dress - Please see Goal:Pants. Sigh.

Goal:Debt - My current debt load is $7,822.72. THIS is the number I really want to see go down and I've got a nice paycheque coming next week, with some ridiculous overtime on it. That will give me a nice chunk to put on my CIBC loan, on which I owe $2,255.12. This is the one I really want cleared by the end of the year, even if I can't hit my target of only having $5,000 owing.

Mora on Relora

2011-11-01T23:30:00.000-04:00

Remember when I wrote about Relora? Well I finally bought some today. I ordered it online from Well.ca, mostly because it's hard to find time to check out various drugstores but also because it was so much easier and allowed me to stop procrastinating. And I could have it by the end of the week - delivery (which is free) takes 1-3 days.

I'm trying really hard to not get my hopes up that it will magically solve a bunch of perceived problems because I do stuff like that. But it's worth a shot, right? I'll let you know how it goes.

A new month

2011-11-01T17:03:00.000-04:00

Holy crap, it's November 1st. When did that happen?! It always throws me off when November starts with a bright sunny day because, in my mind, November is gray and dreary and full of dead tree limbs and fallen leaves. But not today! It's beautiful outside!

Being the first of November, it also means I'm due for another 2011 goals update, which I'll do tomorrow. And I'm thinking the update will be much like the previous ones, with some progress being made in some areas and not much progress being made in others.

But you know what? I'm okay with that.

With the goals I've outlined things I want to achieve and where I want to be in my life but I'm slowly realizing that reaching those goals doesn't define me. Heck, even the journey to reaching those goals doesn't define me. They are simply things I'd like to get to, one day. I've just put it to a schedule because, well, that's what I do.

I'm not going to be disappointed in myself if I don't fit into my purple dress or hit my target weight or even get to 5km in my running. I'm just going to keep working at it until I get there. I honestly can't explain when this new outlook came over me, but I'm enjoying it. I mean, there was a moment yesterday when I thought, "Maybe I'll fudge my weigh-in just a bit, just in case I've gained a lot because I don't want to look like a failure." But why lie? I am who I am, at whatever size I may be.

But - more importantly - I'm really having a good time lately. Sure, work has been intense but I've been spending time with friends and family, enjoying the great outdoors, knitting up a storm, cuddling my kitty and spending as much quality time with the Beau as I can.

Life is really good, and that's the best goal to achieve.

Halloween!

2011-10-29T15:45:00.000-04:00

I love Halloween! I love the costumes and decorations and excited kids and - who am I kidding? - the CANDY. We live in a condo right now so I miss having kids come trick-or-treating but we'll be in a house soon enough and we'll be able to indulge in that.

But every year, I always want to dress up and every year I spend so much time thinking about what to be - and this year was no exception. I have a couple of rule when it comes to my costume: 1. Nothing sexy. 2. Must be recognizable.

Still, I have trouble every year coming up with something good. This year, I had my heart set on being Bellatrix Lestrange, as portrayed by Helena Bonham-Carter in the Harry Potter movies:

I'm a huge Harry Potter fan and I've never dressed up as any character, despite loving the books and movies for over 10 years now. So I was all ready to go looking for Bellatrix supplied when my fervor started to wane. It just didn't feel right. The last Potter movie came out in July and the excitement behind it all seems to be dwindling. I guess I missed my Potter costume window 10 years ago.

So this led me to having no idea what I would be, until a Google search for "notable women" led me to a Wikipedia page listing important women in history and, under actors, I saw Julie Andrews. Which led me to this:

MARY FREAKING POPPINS! OH YEAH! Only my favourite movie as a child, this seemed like a no-brainer (and I don't know why I didn't think of this before). And it's pretty easy to be Mary Poppins - except for the hat. That damned hat. Oddly enough, October is not the time of year to look for a hat such a Mary's. If you want a beret or toque or even fedora, you can take your pick, but the flat-topped bowler-like possibly-straw hat? No dice. But - BUT - I did manage to find a black felt hat at Goodwill that, with a little manipulation, worked out perfectly. Et voila:

You can't really see the hat detail here, but it is adorned with flowers, just like Mary's, and is perched nicely on my head. Oh, and the hat was lovingly crafted by the Beau! I've been fighting a cold all week and wasn't sure I'd be able to make the party last night but decided yesterday I was good to go. However, being at work until 8pm meant no time to make a hat - so the Beau was good enough to construct it for me. He is a man of many talents!

Costume complete, we headed out to the party and had a great time. I'm so glad I felt good enough to go out because I think I did all right as "practically perfect in every way" Mary Poppins!

I also had the perfect way to get home:

Student loan update

2011-10-28T15:30:00.001-04:00

It's been awhile since I've checked in on my student loans so I took some time today to do so.

My main priority right now is to pay off the last loan I have with CIBC, as it's the lowest balance of the remaining two and because I really don't want to have to deal with CIBC anymore. (We just never got along.)

The current balance of my CIBC loan: $2,409.76

I made a payment two days ago (and I don't know if it's been applied yet) and another automatic payment will go through on Monday; these payments will either lower my total owing by $60 or $160. I'm kind of hoping it's the latter, as that will help that much more.

The $100 I put on the loan was in response to me wanting to buy two new shirts - but instead of buying the shirts I took that money and put it toward my loans as I said I'd do. I've been doing my best to be diligent and only buy what I need, which is why it's taken me so long to make a payment like this. But I'm proud of myself for living up to my own standard!

Another reason it's so important to me to pay down this loan is because I'm charged interest daily. Yup, daily. But my interest rate is 5.5%, so my actual charge is lower as my balance gets lower. Back in August, with a balance of $3,981.35 I was paying $0.60/day in interest. Today, with my balance at $2,409.76 I'm paying $0.36/day in interest - and that's a big difference.

But it's not just the CIBC loan I'm paying down. I'm also working away at my second (and last) National Student Loan Service Centre loan.

Current balance with NSLSC: $5,561.22
Current interest rate: $0.80/day

THAT is some steep interest to be paying - almost a dollar a day! I'm currently only paying the minimum payment on this loan until I finish with CIBC; then all extra monies get rolled together to pay this baby down!

And to meet my goal of only having $5,000 of loan left by the end of 2011, I need to pay off another $2,970.98 by the end of this year. I will say right now that this is starting to feel a little daunting but I've got some overtime moolah coming my way and that will go nicely on the loan. But I have to be careful because Christmas is also coming up and I love Christmas! It's so hard for me to not spoil everyone I love with gobs of presents.

But as long as I'm careful and frugal and pay attention to what I'm spending I can do this!

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #31

2011-10-26T11:32:00.000-04:00

You know how I was dreading getting on the scale this morning? Part of me wanted to skip it, to just say I'm sick and didn't feel like it, but that's too much of a cop-out.

So I got on the scale, all nervous - and the results:

Last week: 192.4 lb
This week: 192.0 lb

Down 0.4 lb! Despite all that awful food I ate, I still lost almost half a pound. So I'm still going down but I realized something this morning: I've only got two months left to hit my goal weight of 170 lb and losing half a pound a week won't get me there.

This led me to ask myself, do I reset my year-end target weight or do I go hardcore to drop the 22 lb? It's tempting to try some lose-weight-fast solution to get down to my goal but I know I won't be able to sustain any kind of plan like that and it's not worth hitting 170 lb only to gain a bunch of weight back. But I also don't want to short-change myself by changing my goal weight, because that's where I want to be and even if I don't get there by December 31 I still want to get there.

So I'm going to stand pat with my target and just keep working.

I've been toying with the idea of joining Weight Watchers online for awhile now; I know some women who have used/are using this program to great success and I have no doubt it would work for me. The thing is, I feel guilty spending money on this when I still have debts to pay off. My current weight isn't causing me any health-related problems, nor is it keeping me from doing anything I want to do (I'm still running!), so losing weight is for me, not for any other reason. I was planning to join Weight Watchers once my debt was gone, but maybe I should look at the numbers again.

And with all the overtime I put in last week, I'll have a nice paycheque soon and that will help the debt. Surely I can find the money for Weight Watchers?

I'll let you know what I work out.

Ugh.

2011-10-25T15:33:00.003-04:00

That's all I've got - ugh.

Started feeling icky last night and woke up this morning with a scratchy throat and stuffy head. I didn't have to work today because of all my hours last week, but I can think of better ways to spend a day off. Plus, my ear is sore and when combined with a scratchy throat it makes me fearful of strep throat. I haven't had strep in awhile but it pretty much always starts like this. Le sigh. Hopefully I'm better by tomorrow.

Also, not looking forward to the scale tomorrow as I've eaten like awful this past week. Pizza, lasagna, red wine, chocolate croissant, bacon dip with chips - so good at the time but so bad come Wednesday morning.

And because I'm sick I'm whiny so right now everything is all kinds of ugh.

UGH.

Stair climb complete!

2011-10-22T13:36:00.001-04:00

I did it! This morning I successfully climbed the stairs of the CN Tower, clocking a very respectable time of 27 minutes, 12 seconds. Let me just say, it was exhausting. I'm still pretty tired, 3 1/2 hours after completing the climb, but I feel so good. I'm proud of myself for doing it and my goal is to make this a yearly event and to work on lowering my time.

But the most important thing about the climb was all the money that was raised for United Way. It felt so good to contribute to that and to see so many other climbers out today, contributing their energy and fundraising efforts.

What a great day!

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #30

2011-10-20T20:46:00.000-04:00

I weighed myself yesterday, I really did. I then went to work and worked for 14 hours and had no time to blog and was too exhausted when I got home to think of anything other than sleep - and that is why you're getting my weight update (updeight?) now.

Last week: 192.4 lb
This week: 192.4 lb

I think this is the first time ever there has been no change in my weight. This is good because it didn't go up but I'd still prefer if it went down. C'est la vie.

I've read in countless places that stress contributes to weight gain, as stress triggers the production of cortisol, which encourages the body to store fat. And as I posted earlier, I'm a great big stress ball. I worry about stuff I said and did in high school. HIGH SCHOOL. I know I'm insane and I know I need to work on it but I just don't have the time or - apparently - the willingness to seek any kind of help.

I know that exercise helps relieve stress and it does help me, but I can't go off for a run every time something stressful pops up - and that can be very often in my life (mostly because I make stress mountains out of stress molehills). Eating right and sleeping right also help, and I do my best with this, but it doesn't always work. Though I recently came across an article in Chatelaine, extolling the virtues of Relora to help relieve stress and reduce cortisol levels. Since seeing this I've wanted to pick some up and see if it helps - but I haven't gotten my lazy butt around to it yet.

Finding Relora is going to be my next goal. That and cutting back on my fibre. I've been eating Bran Flakes all week and I've been all bloated and gassy and gross. Blech. Guess I'll have to stick to fruit and veg - it's such a hard life!

Tell me why I don't like Mondays

2011-10-16T21:44:00.000-04:00

We're entering a really busy time at work and the first busy season I've experienced since starting my new job and I'm terrified. By this time next Friday, we will have put out about 200 pages of editorial material and over 300 magazine pages in two issues. It's a lot of volume and I've got to know what's happening with each edit page each step of the way and make sure they all get done on time.

And I'm freaking out.

I've spent all weekend stressing about it. I worked 13 hours on Friday and I'm looking at at least that pretty much every day this coming week. I'm not complaining about the hours (I used to waitress so long hours are old hat to me) but I'm so worried about getting it all done and not screwing something up. I'm so worried about getting in trouble from my manager for not doing the right thing. I'm so worried about not knowing the right answer when asked.

Even as I'm sitting here typing this I'm fighting a panic attack. I'm actually thinking I'd rather be outrunning zombies in The Walking Dead, which the Beau is currently watching.

I'd rather face this than next week at work.

I've even been thinking about looking for a new job. I haven't even been in my current role for a year and I already want out. Want to know why? Because I'm scared and I don't always know what I'm doing and I hate that. I want to be an expert and I want to be an expert now. I know I have lots to learn and I know I'm in a tough job but I want to feel like I'm in control and that I know how to do it and I don't feel that way.

But since I need to work I'll swallow my fear and get up each day and go in and do the best I can and keep hoping that it all works out in the end. And maybe after this next week, when things are over and have worked out, I'll feel a bit better about myself.

Just five more days.

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #29 - better late than never!

2011-10-13T21:23:00.000-04:00

Remember last week how annoyed I was with my stupid weight gain? Well...

Last week: 193.6
This week: 192.4

I'm down 1.2 lb! Honestly, not too shabby for a post-Thanksgiving weigh-in. I'm still working at eating well but I haven't been at the gym as much as I'd like - work has suddenly decided to be crazy, stupid, 16-hour-day, can't-leave-my-desk busy. But I have to go tomorrow; my back is killing me. If I don't lift weights regularly my back can't deal and gets all achy. I blame my bosoms.

But even with the weight creeping down, I'm not doing any better with the Goal:Pants:

Hello, muffin top.

Or my Goal:Dress:


Again, I blame my bosoms.

But you can't win them all - as long as I keep losing weight all will be good!

2011 Goal Update #2

2011-10-07T14:39:00.001-04:00

It's that time again - to see how I'm doing on my 2011 goals. And I'm so late on doing this update. So late. I wanted to do this sooner; I even started writing this post last week. But then my life got supercalifragilisticexpiali-busy and, well, here we are, updating super late. Such is life. Anyhoo, here's the latest rundown:

Goal:Plank - I did not do a single plank in September. This is because I quickly realized how much I hate doing planks. HATE. In all honesty, I don't see me continuing on with this, but I'll give it October before I admit defeat.

Goal:Run - I was having a tough go of it for a bit in September while running: I wasn't able to get anywhere near the distance I needed to meet my goals and I was tiring easily. But I was able to rebound and I've hit my 4km goal! Again, it's not four consecutive kilometres, but I'm running four of them all the same. My current run workout is to walk 0.25 km then run 1 km, for a total distance of 5 km. This is working out well so far and I'm hoping to slowly turn those walking sections into running sections as I aim for 4.5 km by the end of October. Still on track!

Goal:Food - Also something I stopped doing was logging my food. I've signed up for no less than four online food journals and ALL OF THEM are pains in the ass. The problem with the online journals is that they depend on users to enter foods and the nutritional values. If a food item isn't entered, you can create it but you need to know the nutritional info for it and that's not the easiest thing, especially if you're eating non-packaged food. So I'm going back to my pen and paper journal and just writing everything down. I want to see a nutritionist this month so I'll have something to show for that appointment without spending hours on the computer to log three meals.

Goal:Weight - My goal is to be at 170 lb and on my last update, I was 22.4 lb away from that (and needed to lose 5.6 lb/month). Today, I'm at 190.2 lb which is 20.2 lb away from my goal. The good news is that I'm moving in the right direction. The less-than-good news is that I didn't lose 5.6 lb last month, so now I have to lose 6.7 lb/month to hit my final goal. While this is still doable, it's at the high end of steady weight loss. But I'm not going to let that get me down - I'm going to keep trying!

Goal:Pants - I'll provide photo evidence next week. I simply have not had time to try them on in the past week. I'm so lame.

Goal:Dress - Please see Goal:Pants. Blargh.

Goal:Debt - I currently owe $9,162.21, which is $672.88 less than last month's total owing. I'm also (of course) waiting on more money to be applied to the loan, which will bring it down by another $400 - and bring it under $9,000! That will mean only $3,762.21left to pay off this year. I'm feeling a little less confident right now about hitting my goals, but I should also be racking up some overtime this fall so hopefully that will give me the boost I need.

Overall, the numbers that I want to go down (my weight and my debt) are going down and the number that I want to go up (my running distance) is going up. As for my clothes, check in with me on Wednesday, 'kay? I promise I'll have something by then!

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #28

2011-10-05T20:35:00.000-04:00

I was dreading getting on the scale today. After my near success last week at cracking 190 lb, I was a little anxious to see what I'd weigh in at this week. So...

Last week: 190.1 lb
This week: 193.6 lb

EFF. How did I manage to gain 3.5 lb in a week?!?! I didn't eat all that badly. I mean, I had a huge brownie with chocolate ganache and ice cream; short ribs poutine; a turkey burger and sweet potato fries from Hero Burger; about four servings worth of pasta; a plateful of Chinese food; a plateful of Indian food; and maybe an apple fritter.

Oh. That may have done it.

My self-sabotaging strikes again! I'm pretty disappointed with myself but it's a much-needed wake-up call. I can't take even a 0.1 lb loss for granted; I need to stick with this and keep going and be positive and make the right choices.

And I just need to make sure I lose 4 lb this week, right? Right! (Yeesh.)

Keep your eyes on the size

2011-10-04T23:47:00.001-04:00

I was flipping through the November issue of Flare at work tonight and came across an article about vanity sizing, by Hannah Sung. I found this really interesting:

"I went shopping for roomier pants. The pair that fit were marked size 27, smaller than my pre-baby size of 28 or 29. I dug out a measuring tape...My size 27 jeans? They actually measure 34 inches."

While I'm pretty sure I should also measure my pants, I really don't want to. With all the size anxiety I have I don't need to add to it. But still, this is crazy.

The magazine is on newsstands October 10 if you want to pick it up - or check out the website around that time to see if it's posted there.

Not so fast

2011-10-04T16:46:00.000-04:00

I have a big problem with fasts. I know there are many people who swear by them and if they feel comfortable fasting, I'm not going to stop them. But I really think they're more harmful than helpful.

To be honest, in the past I've thought about doing a fast or a cleanse and been all starry-eyed at the promise of fast and safe weight loss and all the other wonderful things that apparently happen to your body when you fast or cleanse. But there are a few things that have always stopped me:

- if a cleanse promises to get rid of all the toxins in my body, how does it know what's good and bad? I mean, lemon water with cayenne pepper coursing through my body isn't going to stop to check if bacteria is good or bad; it's just going to flush it all out.

- my body already does a good job of getting rid of the things I don't need. After all, that's why I poop.

- any weight lost will be put right back on as soon as I start eating normal amounts of calories so why put myself through the weight yo-yo-ing?

- by only consuming certain foods or liquids, what am I depriving my body of? What nutrients am I not getting?

I've been reading some blog posts by someone doing a juice fast and she's writing about her entire body hurting for the past two days. How is this a good thing? Why would you want to continue on something that makes your body hurt? Is losing 5 pounds really worth it?

Again, this is just my opinion and if you feel differently, I respect that. Personally, I don't think they're worth it.

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #27

2011-09-28T12:48:00.000-04:00

Wow, have I really been at this for 27 weeks? I guess longer than that, since I took the month of July off from the scale.

So how am I doing after 27 weeks? Well...

Last week: 191.0 lb
This week: 190.2 lb

The good news is that it's a loss. The bad news is that I'm 0.3 lb away from breaking the 190 lb barrier. ARGH!

But - BUT - check this out: when I started my weight loss challenge, I weighed in at 200.2 lb. I've now officially lost 10 lb. It's only taken me eight months to get this far, but still - 10 lb down!

Of course it seems daunting to think I can lose 20 lb in the next three months but I'm going to keep at it. I would love to see the number on the scale drop faster but one important thing I've been learning while trying to lose weight is that I'm only going to be able to maintain my success if I make changes that work with my lifestyle. And that's the big thing, isn't it? It's more important for me to be able to maintain my weight and even keep the scale inching down than it is for me to lose huge amounts of weight in a short period of time.

I'd still like to be at 170 lb on New Year's Eve, but it's okay if I'm not because I'm doing things in my life that I can keep doing, whether it's making the right food choices, fitting in regular exercise, watching my portions or even cutting sugar out of my coffee (which has been a challenge, let me tell you).

So let's see what the next three months bring!

A little goes a long way

2011-09-27T23:07:00.000-04:00

So I've finally managed to get myself set up to pay down my CIBC loan online and, I must say, I took the long, hard, kind of dumb way to get there.

I've never had internet banking set up with CIBC because I've always had direct debit arranged for my loan payments. Because I've only been paying the minimum amount until very recently, it never mattered that I didn't have internet access. Now, though, I've got more money to put on the bugger and I wanted immediate access, dammit! So I decided to do it through CIBC - which led to me having to get a new internet banking password and then a new debit card because I couldn't make my password sync with my debit card and then to log on I needed my account number and transit number (which I should know but don't) and then I lost my debit card and had to get a new one...and THEN I realized I can add my CIBC loan account as a payee in my online account with Royal Bank and suddenly an internetical connection is made.

Sheesh. Why did it take me so long to figure this out again?

Anyways...now that I've got the online connection, I've hatched a new plan to pay that sucker down and not spend on frivolous things. See, when I get paid every two weeks I figure out what I need to pay from that cheque, make my payments and leave a bit in the bank as buffer, because you never know when something might pop up. But then, because I had this extra money just sitting there, I'd buy a new shirt here and a pair of earring there and a new book and before long, that extra money was spent on things I wanted but didn't really need.

The new plan? Whenever I see something I want (but explicitly do NOT need), instead of buying it I'm going to make a note of how much I would have spent and promptly put that amount on my loan.

It's a good plan. I earn interest daily on my loan and I have unlimited transactions with my RBC account, so this is really a win-win situation. Even if it's $10, it still counts and will only benefit me.

However, like most of my good plans, the theory is strong but the practice is weak. I hope to turn that around with this one!

Oh, and right now my overall balance owing is $9,661.86 but I just made some payments that I'm still waiting to go through, so that should change the number a bit.

CN Tower Stair Climb for United Way

2011-09-21T14:53:00.000-04:00

I've wanted to do the CN Tower stair climb for awhile now but I never have, mostly out of laziness. So this year, I finally signed up and joined the corporate team at work. On October 20, I will be climbing the 1,776 stairs of the CN Tower to raise money for United Way.

If you're interested in sponsoring me, you can go here and donate. But I know people have to be careful with their money and may already have charities they support, so only donate if you want. I'm also accepting moral support and any training tips you might have - it's going to be a long climb!

I'm doing my first training session today by climbing the stairwell in my condo a few times. I'll let you know tomorrow if I can walk.

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #26

2011-09-21T14:43:00.000-04:00

Let's get right to it:

Last week: 191.6 lb
This week: 191.0 lb

That's a loss of 0.6 lb, which is the right direction but I'm still not doing what I need to do. And we're halfway through September, meaning I've got just over three months to lose 21 lb. It's time to make the hardest decision I think I've ever had to make:

No. More. Sweets.

I'm pretty sure that's what's doing me in. I've got a sweet tooth and a HUGE weakness for chocolate and cookies, particularly together. (There's a reason I don't make chocolate chip cookies at home anymore. I eat way too many of them.)

Other than sweets, I know I'm making better choices than I used to and I'm making an effort to really watch my portion sizes.

I'm also going to try to get used to drinking my coffee without sugar. This is going to be a challenge, for sure, but I'd like to do this for a week and see what the results are like. Because I REALLY want to be below 190 lb next week!

Well sugar, it's been nice knowing you...

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #25

2011-09-14T21:48:00.003-04:00

I'll admit, I was a little nervous to get on the scale this morning, after my ice cream binge on Sunday and some other bad choices this past week. But I manned up and got on that scale anyways and the results?

Last week: 191.8 lb
This week: 191.6 lb

0.2 lb down. Makes me wonder what I might have done had it not been for that delicious, delicious rocky road ice cream. Though I'm now 1.7 lb away from finally breaking the 190 lb barrier and I really want to get past that. So for the next week, I'm going to really pay attention to what I'm eating and make sure I fit in my workouts.

I can do this!

Book Review: River City

2011-09-13T14:05:00.004-04:00

I started the Canadian Book Challenge on a strong note: two book reviews in the first month, and two books that I thoroughly enjoyed. I foolishly thought I could keep that momentum going, regardless of whichever book I picked up next.

How wrong I was.

The reason I have not yet posted another review is because I chose River City by John Farrow as my next read. It sounded intriguing: set in Montreal in the 1950s and starting with the Rocket Richard riots, it's about the mysterious Cartier Dagger (Jacques Cartier, that is) and its involvement in a murder during the riots. Now, I like hockey and I like murder mysteries and I've not read many books set in la belle province so this piqued my interest. However, I made one huge mistake: I bought the e-book for my Kobo.

Now, I love reading on my Kobo and I've bought many books for it. The problem is that I don't look at the page count of the books I buy, mostly because it's not listed in the Kobo store but also because it doesn't much matter; one book page does not equal one Kobo page. This has never tripped me up before but then I've never bought an e-book that is over 700 pages in hard copy.

That's a lotta pages, yo.

I'm not afraid of long books (I have, after all, read The Stand) but if I'm going to read a long book I would like it to be a good book. And that is where River City falls down - it's not that good.

This is a book that would have benefited greatly from a braver editor, someone who was willing to slash and trash. My Kobo pages aren't big, but I don't need 100+ page chapters. There is a great story to tell here, but there's too much meandering. It reminded me of all the things I dislike about Victorian literature.

Oh, I forgot to mention that the book also switches back and forth between 1950s Montreal and the original settlement of Quebec and Montreal by French explorers, starting with Cartier and going through Champlain, Montmagny and I'm sure others that I just haven't got to. I think this is part of the
"hook" of the book but I just find it annoying. I read Susannah Moodie's Roughing It in the Bush in university and never wanted to revisit it again; this book brought me right back there. Also, I didn't feel like the two story lines from "then" and "now" worked together fluidly; it was like reading two different novels spliced together.

One last irritant in the book: Farrow jumps from one scene/situation to the next too suddenly. I'm reading along and hit a scene where two people are chatting in a cafe and in the next paragraph, one of those people is down by the docks roughing someone up. Maybe it's bad digital formatting and not bad writing, but it's still irritating.

So I put the book down and picked up Agatha Christie, who I have decided is like literary amuse bouche. Once my palate is properly cleansed I'll get back on the Canadian Book Challenge horse, though I'm not sure what I'll read next - any recommendations?

(I'm also not counting this as a full review, so I'm still at 2/13. Perhaps I'll feel sorry for this book and pick it up again, finish it and properly review it - though that doesn't feel likely.)

Money guilt

2011-09-12T21:06:00.000-04:00

I've been making great progress on paying off my student loans, but I still get money guilt and it's been growing lately.

Maybe it's because Christmas is coming, maybe it's because the end of the year is coming, maybe it's because I'm lusting after brown knee-high boots, but every time I think about buying something I feel like I should be putting that money towards my loans. I'm also really close to getting another paid off, with only about $3,800 left on it and I want it gone so badly.

September is a three-pay month for me, which is always lovely and which will mean more money on my loans. But I'm also putting a chunk into my savings account (it's a high-interest account but since my interest rate is only 2%, it just feels wrong calling that "high interest") to help offset the expense of the holiday season. Not only will this cover gifts, but also the baking and traveling and other expenses that pop up. I've also already started my Christmas shopping and have ideas of what else I need to get. Some people would say this is early. (Okay, most people would say this is early.) But for me and my money, I find it helps to spread the costs across a few months rather than try to afford everything in December. Plus, it means I'm not rushing at the end so I'm not over-spending.

See, I've got things in control...only I'm feeling really guilty. The Beau and I were at Dixie Outlet Mall on the weekend to hit up the Michael's (this girl needed yarn!) and we decided to walk through the mall as well. Of course I found a bunch of things I want, including lots of nice soft sweaters at the Jacob outlet. ($17.50! I'll take one in each colour please!) However, I did not buy a thing. I felt guilty. I don't need any more soft sweaters; my closet is full. Some of my sweaters need to be defuzzed, sure, but then they'll be good as new for another season.

But I'm a girl who loves a deal and it's just so tempting.

Without spending a dime I still felt guilty. I guess it's because I have this money sitting in my account "just in case" that I'm not putting on my loans but that is there, encouraging me to spend. I know I should put it all either in my "high interest" account or just move it to my debt now, but what if I need to [fill in the blank]?

So I've got a plan. But I'm not going to share it just yet; I need to do something else first and that won't happen until day-off Wednesday, so I'll fill you in then. In my head it's a great idea. It's just making it work in practice that will be the challenge.

I did a bad, bad thing

2011-09-12T14:07:00.001-04:00

Last night, I ate an entire container of Haagen Dazs rocky road ice cream.

Only 1,200 calories.

Eep.

(But it was so delicious!)

And I don't even like marshmallows that much - but in ice cream, all melty and gooey and cold....SO GOOD.

The Beau also ate a container on his own: cookie dough. There is a reason we don't keep a lot of sweets and snacky food in the house and this is it. But this isn't something we do regularly, so I'm not going to be too hard on myself. I'm just going to eat lots and LOTS of veggies over the next few days.

But that marshmallow...

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #24 and the laziest Wednesday ever

2011-09-08T22:50:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was my day off but the Beau was at a sales conference all day and out for dinner with his coworkers, so I didn't have to worry about making dinner. In fact, I didn't have to worry about anything at all. I got out of bed at 11:30 (after going to bed at 3 am) and proceeded to sit on the couch and watch Midsomer Murders all day. We had a backlog of eight episodes recorded on the PVR, so I just watched them all. And it was glorious.

I did also find time to hop on the scale. The results?

Last week: 192.4
This week: 191.8

It's only 0.6 lb, but it's a loss. Woot!

And it's been a super long week at work so I'm really looking forward to the weekend. Oh Friday, you are so welcome!

2011 Goal Update #1

2011-09-05T19:32:00.005-04:00

Again, I missed updating my goal statuses on Wednesday, but that's okay because I'm going to do it now! (Only five days late. Sheesh.) So, how am I doing?

Goal:Plank - I'm not going to lie: I didn't do a single plank in Halifax. I wanted to do one every day for the month of August and, at the end of the month, I was about 60% on that. Also, I have not done a single one yet in September. But today is only the 5th so I can start today and still do well this month. Also, I always find it easier to reset and start again after Labour Day; now that summer is over, it's time to get back into a regular routine. (I think I still feel this way because I'm still at an age where, for more than half my life, Labour Day marked the end of summer and the beginning of a new school year, so it still feels like a fresh start.)

Goal:Run - in my quest to be able to run 5km, I wanted to increase my mileage (kilometreage?) to 3.5 km by the end of August. On my last run, I did hit 3.5 km, but it wasn't consecutive; I had to take some walking breaks in between. But I'm going to take it! To stay on track, I need to be at 4 km by the end of September and I'm going to keep at it. I'm right on track!

Goal:Food - as I've mentioned before, I've switched from my hard copy food journal to an online one. I was doing really well with logging all my food and I had every intention of logging my food during vacation (thanks to a handy-dandy Blackberry app!) but it was a little too involved to do during vacation. Because the food items and nutrition value depend on users entering information so it can mean A LOT of searching to find the right food at the right portion size. So I didn't log a single thing while away. Oops. But I'm slowly getting back into it and it has been helping; seeing my calorie allotment for the day and watching it dwindle with each item I put in has really made me realize just how many calories get taken up by "just one" cookie. I'm going to try to maintain this for at least September and hopefully by that point I'll be ready to make the right choices without having to log everything.

Goal:Weight - I'm 22.4 lb away from my goal of 170 lb. With four months to go, that's 5.6 lb/month to lose. How easy is that?!

Goal:Pants - not much change. I was going to try them on and take another photo, but my stomach has been feeling gurgly and gross all weekend, so I'm avoiding anything too tight.

Goal:Dress - pretty much the same thing as the pants.

Goal:Debt - I currently owe $9,835.09 and this month, there will be more money put towards that number. I'm confident that I can hit my $5,000 owing by year-end.

All in all, I'm happy with how I'm doing. It's a big challenge for me, trying to stick with a plan beyond a few weeks. I always start out with such good intentions and I always fall off the wagon within a week or two. And having a consistently-shrinking student loan balance will also help me because at least I'll be making headway towards one goal.

So, tomorrow marks a big reset button for me. Briefly I felt nostalgic for school and that back-to-school feeling. Then I remembered how much I hated high school and how happy I am now with the Beau and the kitty and I'm just fine to have my own kind of back-to to do.

Back to my goals!

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #23

2011-09-03T11:20:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'm finally back!

It has been quite the week, that's for sure. While I love long weekends, it means we lose a day of production on the magazine so I've been pulling longer hours and I'll be working on Monday as well. BOO. But I've got other fun things planned for the weekend so that will help make up for it.

One thing I did make time for this week was to weigh in. It has been two weeks since my last weigh-in and it would have been nice to be down a few pounds, but I did spend one of those weeks in Halifax, eating every bit of seafood I could find, including amazing lobster chowder, a lobster roll and a full lobster dinner (it wasn't all lobster though - I also found time to eat fish & chips, pan-seared haddock and caramelized scallops. YUM.)

Pre-vacation weight: 192.2 lb
Post-vacation weight: 192.4 lb

You know, a 0.2 lb weight gain is something I can live with. I wouldn't be surprised if that extra weight was because of him:

Update delayed

2011-09-02T18:34:00.001-04:00

There's an update coming, I promise. It's just I've spent this week being crazy busy at work and super tired at home (except for Wednesday, which I spent being crazy busy at home, then super tired at home). I think it's post-vacation sluggishness, combined with not drinking six coffees a day, like I did on vacation.

But I'll post tomorrow morning, I promise! I'd do it now but I'm still at work - and likely will be for a few hours more.

We're home!

2011-08-27T11:01:00.000-04:00

Oh it feels good to be home! We drove from Halifax to Toronto yesterday - that's right, 20 1/2 hours in one day. It was hella long but worth it; sleeping in my own bed last night was amazing!

Also amazing was our week in Halifax. What a beautiful city! Also, what a beautiful part of the country and what a beautiful drive. I'll share some pictures and stories soon, but right now we have to go pick up our kitty! I've missed her so much!

Pre-vacation update

2011-08-19T11:32:00.000-04:00

Since we're heading out at 6 am tomorrow and I'm at work today and I'm still not packed, there's not much time to post before we leave. But...one major development happened today and I must share:

I PAID OFF ANOTHER STUDENT LOAN!

That's right, another one bites the dust! I still have two more to go, one each with CIBC and the National Student Loan Service Centre, but I'm well on track with those ones. The next one to pay off is the CIBC loan, as it's the lowest balance of the remaining two.

Here's where I stand:

CIBC: $3,985.55
NSLSC: $5,849.54
TOTAL: $9,835.09

You know, it's kind of amazing to see this figure below $10,000. And it feels so good to be on track! It's also a nice feeling to feel so good about my loans before vacation; makes me feel less guilty about the spending we'll be doing over the next week (but it's money we have saved, so it's not like I'll be compromising my payments because I want lobster).

Okay, back to work now. Our travel companions are arriving tonight around 8 pm and the Beau is off today to do the last-minute things, but I'm hoping to get out of work early today so I can help him out and, you know, pack and stuff.

See y'all in a week!

About those numbers...

2011-08-18T13:25:00.000-04:00

So, remember the numbers I posted about awhile back? Well, I've got a different perspective on those numbers now. I just got back from seeing my doctor and when I told him I was keeping a food journal, he directed me to My Fitness Pal to log what I eat and how much I work out.

Upon returning to my desk (armed with a salad for lunch, as much out of guilt as out of a desire to eat well) I signed up and got some different information.

To lose a pound a week, I have a daily limit of 1,520 calories. Much lower than the approximate 2,000 I was given before. I also have to work out five times a week for an hour to be able to eat that much; if I work out less, I eat less. This feels a little daunting but I'll see how it goes. The most important part is going to be seeing the calorie totals from what I eat. There's also a mobile app for my Blackberry, so even while I'm on vacation next week I'll be able to log what I eat. Next week could be scary.

BUT - if I keep at this and maintain these targets, I should be down 5 lb by the end of September, which would make me very happy!

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Plank-a-day: 16/18

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #22

2011-08-17T16:35:00.000-04:00

If there's one thing I've learned about myself while trying to lose weight, it's that I have trouble keeping the losing momentum going. Last week, I was down 4 lb; this week, well....

192.2 lb

So it's four steps forward, one step back. I really am good at this yo-yo-ing thing. But on the bright side, it's two weeks now that I've kept 3 lb off, so that's good.

I also can't seem to quiet this voice in the back of my head saying, "Maybe 190-ish lb is where you should be." I'm not going to throw in the towel yet though; I've still got 4 1/2 months left in the year to see where I can be. And I've got about six weeks to hit my first goal of being 180 lb at the end of September. So 3 lb over two weeks actually isn't the worst pace to be on. If I keep that up, I'll hit my goal right on time!

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Plank-a-day: 15/17 (and still at 30 seconds)

So, how's your Tuesday?

2011-08-16T19:48:00.000-04:00

Today is my long day at work. I started writing this post at 3:00 pm; it's now 7:30 pm, I've been here since 10:30 and I could be here until 2:00 am. While I love my job, my long day inevitably ends up with long stretches of me waiting for things to get done (as the crux of my job is making sure things get done and not so much doing them) so I figured I may as well do an update.

I've done a number on my legs. I ran on Sunday (not quite 3km, but I did increase my speed, so that's probably why). I usually take a day off between runs but my legs felt so good yesterday that I thought I'd go for another run. BIG MISTAKE. I made it through 1 km before I had to start walking because my legs were aching. Then, being the smart person I am, I decided to start running again. That lasted about 1/2 km before I was back to walking. Eventually I had to get off the treadmill and finish my cardio on the non-impactful bike. My legs still hurt a bit today but I've been stretching them every chance I get and I won't be doing any more running this week, because...

We leave for Halifax on Saturday! Super excited! We're driving out with another couple and we'll be gone for a week, with four full days in Halifax. This makes it even more important for my legs to be in good shape because we'll be doing a lot of walking - including, of course, a brewery tour. We'd also like to go kayaking in the Bay of Fundy, hit up Shakespeare by the Sea and maybe even drive out to Peggy's Cove. Also, there must be some ocean time because the ocean is amazing and who doesn't love an amazing ocean?!

I'm still going to do my planks while in Halifax. Our hotel has a fitness room too, so I'm hoping to squeeze in a workout or two (but no running!). My body needs to do weightlifting regularly or else my back gets sore - such is life with an ample chest. Plus I like how I feel after a good session with weights and since we plan on doing a lot of walking in Halifax, I'll be getting in my share of cardio. I also did my plank today, so I'm 13/15 - and I'm up to a solid 30 seconds. Woot!

I think it's time I see a nutritionist as well. I get the stomach gurgles more than I'd like, and probably more than I should. I feel like everything I eat makes me bloated and uncomfortable. One of the things I love about work is that we have an on-site health centre, complete with nutritionist (and a massage therapist, who I also want to go see, as the therapist will file my benefits claim for me!).

I've also decided that I want some personal training sessions in the new year. My money is better spent on my debt until then, but by that time I figure I'll need a good shake-up to my workout routine. There are trainers here at my work gym, so I'll go see one of them and (hopefully) enjoy the "hurts so good" hurt that will be put on me.

There's not much else going on right now. I'm looking forward to fall and enjoying the cooler days and much cooler nights we've been having. I've also been enjoying all the lovely fall fashion that's been coming out and I can't wait to be back in denim and cozy sweaters. I've also decided this is the year I find a pair of knee-high boots. I have large calves, which have thus far thwarted me from getting boots, but I'm determined to find ones that fit for fall. As long as they're brown. I love tall brown boots.

All right, back to work. Gotta get this magazine out the door!

Goal Recap

2011-08-12T14:10:00.000-04:00

Over a few posts, I've listed out the various goals I want to achieve between now and December 31, 2011. Here's a quick recap:

Goal:Plank - do a plank a day for the month of August (and - why not? - the rest of the year)

Goal:Run - be able to run 5 km

Goal:Food - maintain a food journal

Goal:Weight - weigh 170 lb

Goal:Pants - fit into my Esprit jeans

Goal:Dress - fit into my pretty purple dress

Goal:Debt - to have only $5,000 remaining on my student loads

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Plank-a-day update: 10/12 (I missed yesterday out of laziness/forgetfulness - worst excuse ever)

Goal:Debt

2011-08-12T14:06:00.000-04:00

I've been making great progress this year on my student loans but I really, really want the damned things paid off!

Here's where I stand right now:

CIBC: $ 3,981.35
NSLSC #1: $ 5,843.66
NSLSC #2: $ 493.64

Total owing: $10,318.65

With only 4 1/2 months left this year, I want to get as much paid off as I can.

GOAL: Get my students loans down to $5,000 owing

STATUS: $5,318.65 to go

PLAN: Throw every bit of extra money I have at my debts

Ideally, I'll pay off even more and have less that $5,000 owing when 2012 arrives, but I want to set achievable goals that I can (hopefully/maybe) surpass so I feel even awesomer about myself!

What real women look like

2011-08-11T22:25:00.000-04:00

I discovered the best website today. It's called My Body Gallery and it's a site of photos of real women. You can search for women built like you, by inputting the height, weight, clothing size, even body type that you want to view. And - voila! - suddenly a gallery full of beautiful real women.

I was amazed at the photos I saw of women my height and weight and how beautiful and happy they looked. So I decided, "That's how I want to be."

And I will be.

Seriously, these women are smokin'!

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #21

2011-08-10T21:59:00.000-04:00

I got back on the scale today and I was a little worried; I've eaten terribly the last two days (and by terribly I mean terrible for me yet oh so delicious) and I was worried this would be reflected in my weight.

But I hopped on anyways and saw....191.2 lb. That's a 4 lb loss! Wowza!

I've been sticking with my workouts but I really think the food journal is helping me. There have been a few times when I've made better choices because I didn't want to have to write my awful choices down. Even though no one else reads my food journal, once it's down on paper it's there to stare back at me and I don't like that kind of guilt. And after such a successful weigh-in, I want to keep it going!

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Plank-a-day: 9/10

Goal:Dress

2011-08-08T13:56:00.004-04:00

My mom bought this very cute dress on the sale rack at a store in Parry Sound and since it didn't quite fit her, she offered it to me. I really like it and - at a size 12 - was hopeful it would fit:

From the front, it doesn't look too bad; it's a little tight across the abdomen, but not unbearably so. The problem is when I turn around:

I can't get the sucker zipped up. It is possible that I'll never be able to fit it; my rib cage might be too big (and I'd rather not lose any bone mass). But if I'm able to lose an inch or two off my chest I should be able to get the dress done up.

GOAL: Fit into my super-cute purple-dotted Parry Sound dress

STATUS: Can't zip the damn thing up

PLAN: Keep doing what I'm doing

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Plank-a-day update: 7/8

Goal:Pants

2011-08-07T21:02:00.000-04:00

Over a year ago, I ordered some clothes from Esprit. I have lots of luck finding stuff that fits at Esprit and wanted to take advantage of the great deals that can be found on its website. I ordered several things: a t-shirt; a tank top; a pencil skirt; a dress; and a pair of jeans. Amazingly, everything fit...except the jeans. Now, Esprit does offer free returns but you have to send the package from a DHL depot - which are not exactly in abundance (the nearest one to me is in Burlington and it would have cost more in gas to drive there and back than the jeans I bought). So I've had the jeans kicking around, thinking I would offer them to various friends and whoever fit them would get them.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to try them on, just for fun. The first time I tried them on, I couldn't get them over my hips. Suddenly ---- I COULD! So these pants have now become Goal:Pants.

GOAL: Fit into my Esprit jeans

STATUS:

The pictures isn't the best, but I think you can tell that the jeans don't exactly fit well. They're much too tight around the mid-section and I'm not sure I can sit down in them.

PLAN: Keep doing what I'm doing!

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Plank-a-day update: 6/7

The numbers game

2011-08-05T22:24:00.000-04:00

I've only been keeping my food journal for a few days but I was shocked at how many calories I calculated I was consuming each day - about 2,000! This feels like a lot, but I wanted to know if it really is so I turned to the trusty internets and looked up various values associated with weight and eating.

First, my BMI, which is 30.5. This puts me in the obese category. My healthy BMI range is 18.5-24.9 and to hit this range, I need to hit...

My happy weight, which is 118 lb - 159 lb. That's 11 lb less that my current target goal.

So this made me feel rather crappy. I was all proud of my target weight and then my BMI measurement tells me it's still not healthy. I know I have to lose some weight, so I decided to calculate my caloric needs for various weights - and suddenly things didn't seem so bad. I calculated my daily needs at both a moderately active level and a slightly active level; even though I work out about five times a week, I don't know what the calculator considers "moderate" or "slight" activity so I wanted to err on the side of caution and have even more numbers for comparison.

So...

Current weight: 195 lb
Daily calories needed to maintain weight with moderate activity level: 2,880
Daily calories needed to maintain weight with slight activity level: 2,437

Target weight: 170 lb
Daily calories needed to maintain weight with moderate activity level: 2,511
Daily calories needed to maintain weight with slight activity level: 2,125

"Happy" weight: 159 lb
Daily calories needed to maintain weight with moderate activity level: 2,348

Daily calories needed to maintain weight with slight activity level:1,987

Suddenly, the 2,000 calories/day I've been calculating don't seem so bad. In fact, according to this, it's not enough! Now I'm not about to start eating a donut or three every day, but I don't feel so bad about myself now. It's also interesting to note that 2,125 - 2,348 calories a day might put somewhere between my target weight and "happy" weight. (This might be a bit of a rash conclusion.)

Anyhoo...after getting the numbers from the various calculators, I don't feel quite so bad about my goals, my eating or even my current weight. Of course, the scale might tell a different story next week but at least that will help me know if I'm on the right track or not!

And if you're interested, all the calculators I used can be found here, through Self.com.

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Plank challenge update: 4/5 (still only missed the one day!)

Goal:Weight

2011-08-04T16:54:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned in a previous post, I want to be down to 170 lb by the end of the year. With my current weight at 195 lb, that's a 25 lb loss. I'm not going to lie, it's going to be hard. When I started this whole weight loss thing, my goal was 30 lb - so I've only managed to lose 5 lb in about six months.

Not good statistics.

So really, it's crunch time now (and I hate crunches).

GOAL: 170 lb

STATUS: 195 lb

PLAN: Exercise and eat right and weigh in weekly.

I really want to be there. I think I want to be there badly enough to make this work.

I WANT HER ARMS!

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Plank challenge update: 2/3 (I'm still at work so I can't count today yet.)
I missed Tuesday because I left for work at 8:45 am and got home at 2:30 am. Long-ass day = no plank = okay by me.

Goal:Food

2011-08-03T11:15:00.000-04:00

Check out my new notebook:

Isn't it cute? And it's an EcoJot one so when I bought this little guy, another one was donated to a child in need. Win-win.

But it's not just an adorable notebook with cupcake-like owls on the front; it will also be my food journal. I've read countless times that a big factor in successful weight loss is keeping a food journal. I've scoffed at the idea under the premise that I can keep track of what I eat on my own, but the real reason I haven't logged my eating habits yet is because I'm scared of what will end up on the page. It's not that my eating habits are bad, it's that they could be better.

Which is why I've started a food journal.

GOAL: To keep a food journal for the rest of the year to evaluate my eating habits

STATUS: Started on August 3

PLAN: Keep my journal with me at all times (or as much as I can) so I can accurately log what I eat

I'm going to use it to see not only what I eat and how much but how I feel after. I get gurgly tummy more often than I'd like and I've wondered if I might be lactose intolerant so this will help me keep track of what dairy I eat and how I feel after. And, after each weekly weigh-in, I can look back at what I ate over the week to see how that has influenced my weight loss (or gain).

Goal:Run

2011-08-02T13:54:00.000-04:00

With five months left in 2011, I've realized that I've made some good changes in my life but that I don't have any strictly defined goals with deadlines (I'm a very deadline-driven person) so I've decided to change that. There are a few things I'd like to accomplish between now and December 31 and I'm going to start listing them out, starting with running.

GOAL: To be able to run 5 km (and to complete a 5-km race next spring)

STATUS: Currently at 3 km

PLAN: Add 0.25 km to my distance every two weeks from August - November, then spend December maintaining that distance

I've read that you should aim to increase your distance by no more than 10% a week, so being at 3km right now puts me in good position to do this. I'm not going to lie, it's going to be a challenge for sure; not sure if my lungs or my legs will give out first but I do think I can do this.

To help keep on top of this and my other goals, I'm going to do a quick update on the last day of every month. Then, on December 31, I'm going to ring in the New Year celebrating having reached all my goals!

Goal:Plank

2011-08-01T16:35:00.001-04:00

I mentioned before that I had some goals in mind that I wanted to achieve before the year is out. The first one I have to bring up today as it's a monthly challenge I'm issuing for myself and I'm starting today.

The goal: do a plank a day for a month.

Not sure what a plank is? Well, it's this:

You can also do it this way:

(And I wouldn't mind looking like her!)

My goal is to eventually be able to hold the plank position for one minute. Right now, I'm good for about 20 seconds and start shaking when I push to 30 seconds. I also start to lose form after 20 seconds, so I've got some work to do.

The beautiful thing about this goal is that it's so easy to fit into my day. It's pretty much a guarantee that I'll watch at least one TV show every day, so I'm hoping to fit my plank in during commercials. Just like that, I get an ab workout and get closer to my goal.

Easy peasy lemon squeezie, as the kids these days would say.

Back at it

2011-08-01T13:10:00.001-04:00

Today is August 1, meaning I'm back on the scale. I made sure I hopped on before eating, just because I wanted to, you know, be as light as possible. I'll admit, there was a part of me hoping to see the number come in below 190, as a kind of reward for staying away from the scale for a week and just focusing on exercise and trying to make good eating choices.

Alas, 'twas not to be: I weighed in at 195.2 lb.

Yes, I'm not thrilled with this number but I can tell I'm getting slimmer: my clothes fit better; I'm liking my reflection more; and I've recently purchased a few items of clothing (two pairs of shorts and a pair of pants) in beautiful size 12. I'm wondering if part of the weight gain is due to me increasing my muscle mass, but since I haven't weighed myself for a month I can't be sure.

I'm going to restart my Up-Down Challenge with my next official weigh-in on Wednesday August 10 and I'm still going to reward myself with a book; increasing my book ownership is going to be the "up" part of the challenge. But since I'm doing the Canadian Book Challenge, I'll be getting books for that as well, so every time I lose 5 lb, I'm buying a book for myself.

Once again, I find myself aiming for 190.2 lb so that's my short-term goal. Here's a list of where I want to be and when:

By September 30, I would like to weigh 180 lb.
By November 30, I would like to weigh 170 lb.
By December 31, I would like to still weigh 170 lb.

I'll be really happy if I can hit 170 lb and maintain that weight, especially during the delicious Christmas season. And 170 lb feels like it's a good weight for me to aim for, because I should be able to achieve it and because I think it's a good weight for my body type.

I've also got some other goals, which I'll outline this coming week. It's been nice being off the scale for a month, but it does help motivate me so I can't stay away. But to help alleviate the disappointment I feel when the scale doesn't go down as much as I'd like (or when it goes up) I'm going to have other things to use as a way to measure my progress. Because sometimes progress can't be gauged by a simple number on a simple scale.

Even with all this planned in my mind, I still wanted to take advantage of the holiday Monday so I made the Beau and I a delicious brunch:

Homemade crepes topped with fresh blueberry sauce, Phoenician yogurt with cinnamon, peameal bacon and orange slices. YUM!

(Oh, and I'll get back on the loan updates starting August 10 as well!)

Running into the long weekend

2011-07-29T18:57:00.000-04:00

I RAN 4 KM TODAY!

It wasn't four consecutive kilometres - only 3! - but still, I did a 5km workout with 4km of that spent running. I'm ridiculously proud of this. Also, I wasn't exhausted when I was done. How great is that?! Who knows how I'll feel tomorrow, but for now, I feel awesome.

And it's also the long weekend, which I'm so ready for. We've got some great plans that may include a picnic lunch in High Park; a day hike at Mono Cliffs provincial park (I think that's where the Beau wants to go); a night at the movies to use up movie passes we've had since Christmas; some wine; some beer; perhaps some tacos; and Monday at home, relaxing on the couch with video games, knitting, books, movies and a kitty.

Also on Monday I will be getting back on the scale as it will be August 1 and time for me to start monitoring the numbers again. I'm also going to start listing my goals for the rest of the year and what I need/want to do to help end 2011 on a healthy note and to make sure it really is my healthiest year yet.

But until then, Happy Civic Holiday weekend all!

Seeing results

2011-07-25T16:38:00.000-04:00

Slowly but surely, I'm logging more distance with my runs. I'm still doing walk/run intervals, but I'm measuring distance more now and I'm getting there!

Last Thursday, I ran a total of 3km in two 1.5km intervals, with walking intervals before, after and in between, and logged a total distance of 5km. Today I aimed to run 3km again...and ended up doing 3.5km. The best part? I didn't feel exhausted when I was done! Not only am I not as tired now, I've noticed other awesome changes to my body since upping the running ante: my legs feel tighter, not in a tight muscle way but in a toned-and-fit way; my torso looks slimmer, which I'm attributing to the extra cardio; and my breathing seems to be much better (though I am on inhalers to help manage this).

It is actually beginning to feel like I could run a 5-k. I should probably sign up for one, but I'm still a little scared and I want to be able to run at least 3km before I seriously consider doing a 5-k. But today I was able to run 2km straight through, so that's a start.

Working out at work is also helping me immensely. I find myself craving my workouts, which is great. I've been averaging 4-5 workouts for the past three weeks and I'm fortunate that keeping this up shouldn't be that hard. I'm also getting some obvious definition in my arms from weightlifting so that's got me excited too.

THIS is definitely what I needed: to be seeing results from my efforts as this will provide the encouragement I need to keep going. And maybe when I get back on the scale next Monday, that number won't be so bad.

Book Review: The High Road

2011-07-18T14:46:00.000-04:00

Terry Fallis' debut novel The Best-Laid Plans was recommended to me by my sister-in-law and, as I trust her judgment, I picked it up, which was a wise move not just because it was excellent but because it helped me through the last (disappointing) federal election. So it seemed apropos that the Canadian Book Challenge came along right when I needed to read the sequel, The High Road.

*NOTE: here be spoilers. Because this is a sequel, it's hard to review without giving some spoilers. Consider yourself warned and read at your own risk. ;)

The High Road picks up right where The Best-Laid Plans leaves off, with another federal election looming and maverick MP Angus McClintock unsure if he'll run again. Daniel is happily ensconced in his relationship with Lindsay and Muriel is the same stalwart Liberal, even if her Parkinson's is getting worse. When Angus decides to run (and how could he not, since the book needs to, you know, happen), Daniel stays on as campaign manager, Pete1 and Pete2 come back to help out, and this time, Angus wants to win.

Living in Toronto, I feel I've been surrounded by campaigning and political attack ads for far too long, what with the federal election this past May, our municipal election last fall and the upcoming provincial election this October. So it was interesting to see that Angus' Conservative opponent, Emerson "Flamethrower" Fox, had built his political career on running negative campaigns. When told this, Angus made the decision to not sink to that level, and instead to focus his campaign on the issues, not the dirt. A novel idea, indeed, and an example of when I would love to see life imitating art. The other interesting element of the campaigning is the addition of a right-wing independent candidate, Alden Stonehouse, who chose to run as an independent after losing the Conservative nomination. After the federal Liberals' historic defeat in May, Fallis' book seems to say the only way the Liberals can rebuild is to split the right (or, perhaps, stop splitting the left).

But political posturing aside, this book, like its predecessor, reads as a "what-if" in Canadian politics, not just what if the Liberals won, but what if governments put the needs of the country first; what if governments were transparent; what if governments stopped playing partisan long enough to actually get the important things done? Such novel ideas, which is perhaps why they only exist in a novel.

Of course, Angus once again wins and heads to Ottawa with a mandate to investigate the collapse of a major bridge - which leads to an investigation on Canadian infrastructure in general and the need to spend on infrastructure, which in turn will stimulate the economy. (Art imitating life much?) And once again Angus makes a huge impact in the government, in his community and in the lives of those around him. Oh, and the President of the United States shows up - and he's decidedly more Bush than Obama.

The book ends with the perfect set-up for a third installment, which would be great but perhaps a third book would be a good place to leave it. While the writing is wonderful, the characters fun and refreshing and the story perfectly sensible (if impractical), too much more of Angus et al would be too much.

The best parts of the book come at the end of each chapter, when Angus writes to his deceased wife in his diary. These entries provide a sweet but sad glimpse into Angus' mind and life, as he is still struggling with the loss of his wife of almost 40 years. Much of the comedy in the book comes from Angus' unorthodox way of thinking and being, his forthrightness and his incredulity at the foibles of others. But when reading the diary entries, a more vulnerable Angus emerges, someone who really is missing a part of himself and is trying to find his way back to a normal life without that integral part. His wife plays an important part in the book and his connection with her is truly beautiful. Even though the book is narrated by Daniel, it's still a story about Angus and, through the diary entries, he comes even more into the spotlight.

Mid-month update

2011-07-15T15:45:00.000-04:00

Today is July 15 which, for all intents and purposes, is the middle of the month and the middle of my scale break.

I've been doing really well with my gym-going; I went five times last week and four times so far this week (I can't make it today - too busy at work - but hope to fit in a workout tomorrow). And all that work is not for naught; I'm noticing some improvements: my torso is less rounded; my back doesn't hurt all the time; my arms are definitely getting definition; my thighs don't rub together quite as much; and my cardiovascular fitness is improving - I can run 2km and not be exhausted! In fact, I can do my full run/walk intervals and not feel exhausted. I've even started increasing my speed at the end, for an added boost and, come August, I want to start increasing my distance.

In other words: progress is being made. And it's exciting. I feel good about myself. That's right, I FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF!

Holy shit, took long enough.

Book review: Alone in the Classroom

2011-07-12T21:48:00.000-04:00

I have just finished reading Alone in the Classroom by Elizabeth Hay and it's left me still thinking about it which, to me, is a good sign. But it's also left me feeling unfulfilled, which is not necessarily a bad thing. It's only been about two hours since I finished the book, but I feel like this one will stay with me, much like Hay's previous novel Late Nights on Air has stayed with me.

Alone in the Classroom is really about the narrator, Anne, finding out about her family; the story centres on Anne relating stories about her aunt, Connie Flood. Much like a tree, Connie's story is only one branch but it seems to be the sturdiest and most twisting branch of the tree, at least for Anne.

Most of the book focuses on Connie, from her schoolteacher beginnings in rural Saskatchewan to her time at a newspaper in Ottawa back to schoolteaching in Maine. Also intertwined with the branch that is Connie's life are the two men that influence Connie's life the most: her principal, Ian "Parley" Burns and one of her students, Michael Graves. Both Parley and Michael play important roles in who Connie becomes and how she lives her life.

Also integral to the book are two tragic deaths of young school girls, one of which opens the book, and the reasons for these deaths that are only hinted at and alluded to, but never fully explained.

It is the non-resolution behind the deaths that left me feeling unfulfilled, but there is enough information presented that the reader can draw her own conclusions and feel satisfied in their accuracy. My problem is that I had an idea about one of them that I thought was pretty great - turns out I was either way off base or Hay didn't feel the need to clarify things for me. But this is not a bad thing, merely something I will continue to think about as I dwell on the characters that I feel I know so much about.

And that is also the beauty of Hay's writing, her ability to make me think and care about her characters. She also has a wonderful way with words when describing the outdoors and the wilds of Canada, which is evident both in Alone in the Classroom and Late Nights on Air. I still think about the canoe trip in Late Nights, three years after reading the book.

This book feels like Canadian Literature with a capital "L", something I haven't indulged in for far too long. After reading this book, I found my Toronto-dwelling self yearning for a cabin in the woods, a small lake and trees as far as the eye can see; thankful for the stability of my own relationship and that I'm spared the agonies of the heart experienced by Connie and Anne (and all the women in the book); and curious about my own family, wondering what stories might be hidden in my genealogy, what happiness and tragedy has shaped my own family.

The incredible shrinking loan balances

2011-07-12T18:19:00.000-04:00

My loan payments finally found their way through the internets and arrived safe and sound and promptly lowered my current debt load. It's so nice to see that total going down!

On June 12, I owed $13,430.58 on my student loans. Today, July 12, it's much better:

CIBC: $4,018.67
NSLSC #1: $5,990.06
NSLSC #2: $1,383.42

Total owing: $11,392.15

That's $2,038.43 I've paid off in a month. When I break it down like that, it really makes me realize how much progress I'm making. If I can maintain this rate of repayment, I'll have my loans paid off in five months. That's December - three months earlier than I had originally calculated!

Making this deadline will depend on how much I accrue in overtime, as that's what's helping me along. Even if I don't make mad O/T scratch, I'm still well on my way to paying off my loans by the time we're hoping to be house hunting.

The other day, I got a letter in the mail from CIBC, officially informing me that my one loan was paid in full. Forget framing my university degree - I'm framing this letter! Woot!

Weighing in on the scale

2011-07-11T17:28:00.000-04:00

Ever since I decided to take a break from the scale, I've felt like I've lost my anchor to this blog. After all, what is weight loss without measuring how much has (not) been lost?

Of course, I'm not just blogging about weight loss but about getting healthy and being away from the scale has helped me be healthier in other ways, namely I'm not obsessing about the number: what it might be, what is it, what I need to do to get it lower. I'm not grappling with feelings of guilt after eating a cookie or putting sugar in my coffee. I'm not disappointed in myself when the number isn't lower than I want it - but I'm also not proud enough of myself when the number goes down, because it's not as low as I want it.

So being away from the scale has been healthy for me in some ways, but I worry it will be detrimental in others. Will my weight have jumped up when I weigh myself at the beginning of August? Will I end up back where I started, oh so long ago? Should I go back to weekly weigh-ins?

I've read different things about weighing oneself, from once a week to daily to never. Some literature says to go by the way you feel and how your clothes fit; others say a weekly weigh-in keeps you on track; and others still say a daily weigh-in gives you a clear idea of how your weight can fluctuate and helps you better understand your body.

Then, of course, there's the BMI, which requires a weight to be accurately calculated. But I don't like using the BMI as a gauge for my proper weight because I lift weights and BMI doesn't consider if your weight is due to muscle or fat. So then I don't need the scale?

I don't think I'll ever be able to give up the scale (even though, for years, I didn't weigh myself except for at my yearly physical). For me, knowing my weight is part of me being healthy, even if it does wreak havoc with my emotions. But I need something to celebrate and seeing my weight go down works. I also need goals for myself but I need something I can quantify; saying, "I want to lose 2lb by next week" is easier for me than saying, "I want to fit into [insert piece of clothing here]."

What I do have to work on is better accepting the number on the scale and to not instantly tie my self-worth to it. THAT is going to be a hard habit to break because it's something I've done most of my life.

What worth, a picture?

2011-07-10T20:49:00.000-04:00

I hate having my picture taken. I'm not like some people, though, who won't pose for a photo unless their hair is done and clothes are perfect and the angle is just right. I don't mind posing for silly, crazy, happy, couple-y or family photos; I just hate the results.

Some people are naturally photogenic. I am not one of those people. I practice my smiles in the mirror, I tilt my head one way or look another way and think, "That's not bad. I need to do that the next time a photo is taken." And then I do it (or think I've done it) and the photo is AWFUL. Seriously. No good at all.

The one thing I'm dreading most about getting married are the wedding photos. Candid photos there's not much I can do about. But the professional ones, the ones we'll want to keep forever - those I'm terrified about. I only plan on getting married once and I really want the pictures to be keepers. And parents and in-laws will be displaying them...I'm not getting married any time soon, but I've already got anxiety over the photos.

I think I have a problem.

Over the weekend, we were visiting friends in Simcoe with another couple and we took photos all weekend long. Since I took most of the pictures, I'm not in many, so I asked the Beau if he could snap a few shots of me, as proof I was there.

None of them are any good. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nyet. Nien. Nil. Zero. Because he's crazy, he likes this photo:

Me, not so much. In fact, it's kind of awful. But I feel like I should stare at it until I can at least tolerate it because I need to stop being so down on myself. Either that or I need to never be in another photo ever. (In fact, there is a span of about 6 years in my teens where very few photos of me exist, because I hated how I looked in photos back then. Oh, what I wouldn't give to look how I did back then...)

It's a thing, that's for sure, one I'm not sure how to get over.

Where da money at, yo?

2011-07-07T18:33:00.000-04:00

I really wanted to do an update on my student loans, but I'm waiting for a payment to go through. One of the things about online banking that has always had me scratching my head is how I can make a payment and the money will disappear immediately from my account (which is good, as it keeps me from spending money that isn't there) but then takes days to show up at wherever I've sent it.

I understand that there is some lag time, as different institutions have to catch up with each other, but I'm always wondering just where my money is (or the binary code that makes up the digital figures that accounts for the money; it's not like I'm sending paper bills through the ethernet) while waiting for it to be applied. I guess it's just hanging out in cyberspace, maybe making friends with some credit card payment or payroll deposit.

And I get paid tomorrow, which will mean another payment, which will mean more waiting. Sigh. But it's coming! That number will get lower!

In the meantime, here's where I stand:

CIBC: $4,015.05
NSLSC #1: $6,157.86
NSLSC #2: $2,052.06

Total owing: $12,224.97

Next week's update will be so much better!

Mid-term report card

2011-07-04T22:02:00.000-04:00

Since declaring 2011 the year I get healthy, I've felt like I've encountered more obstacles than victories but this is mainly tied to my inability to lose as much weight as I'd like. So I decided to give myself a mid-term report, seeing how I'm now halfway through the year.

1. Financial health - A+
Okay, I've got to give myself credit here. (Heh, credit.) Since the start of the year, I've paid off the last niggling balance on my credit card, paid off my line of credit ($5,000 yo!) and eliminated one of my four student loans. I'm also paying nice, hefty monthly sums on my remaining loans and I'm still on track to have everything paid off by next spring. This is definitely a bright spot in my health challenge, which I both love and need.

2. Happy health - B+
I still have my mood swings and I always will, but I'm having fewer of them and they don't last as long. I'm happy to find that I'm on the right dosage of anti-depressant and I'm happy in my job (even though it still drives me bonkers sometimes). Also, I'm in a loving, wonderful, stable relationship with the best man EVER and we've got the cuddliest kitty at home. Oh, and we're planning to buy a home. I'm in probably the best emotional place I've ever been in my life and things just keep getting better.

3. Physical health - C+
It was so tempting to give myself a big fat F here, but then I realized: I've got lots going for me physically, even if the scale isn't my friend. Since I started running, I've improved my cardiovascular health, which is no small feat seeing how I have exercise-induced asthma (which I've finally stopped using as a crutch - woot!). I've gone to various doctors and, though I haven't always heard the answers I want, I've confirmed that I don't have diabetes, I don't have out-of-whack hormones, my thyroid is normal, my blood sugar is normal - I'm in pretty good shape on the inside. I'm also getting stronger and have the (faintest of faint) muscle definition to show for it. So I'm getting there.

Just like at school, I know where I'm excelling, where I'm getting better and where I need to improve (though in school, I never had to improve anything - I was such a keener!). The important part is that I consider myself to be passing in all categories and I'm going to keep moving forward - though I'm starting to sound a little like Oprah with all this "moving forward" blathering.

But seriously, the year is half over already? Holy crap.

CanLit fun

2011-07-03T18:32:00.000-04:00

Thanks to an article in the Globe and Mail, I've stumbled across the Canadian Book Challenge and I'm going to give it a shot!

I've wanted to read more CanLit and it's only 13 books, which I can easily do in a year. It's the reviewing that will be more of a challenge, but I'm going to give it a go. My first book is Alone in the Classroom by Elizabeth Hay - just recently purchased on my Kobo with a 20% off coupon in honour of Canada Day.

The reviews need to be posted online, so I'll be posting them here; they will also be linked to the Canadian Book Challenge blog bookmineset.blogspot.com.

I can't think of a better book to start with. Go here if you want to try, too!

Recharged

2011-07-03T17:21:00.000-04:00

We just got home from a wonderful weekend at the cottage and I feel amazing. On Friday, I slept in then had an afternoon nap then still fell asleep at a decent hour - when I asked the Beau why I was so tired, he replied, "It's because you're relaxed."

He was so right.

It was a great and relaxing weekend, in which I just didn't care about anything that wasn't important, like perfecting my bocce ball game; wearing my floppy sunhat all the time; barbequing everything; trying to spot all the fireflies; and floating on water noodles.

Oh, and I walked around in my bathing suit and didn't care what I looked like - except when I caught my reflection in the window and said, "Hm, I look pretty good."

It was a really wonderful and relaxing way to start summer and end my week off and it was something I definitely needed, after all my pouting last week. We brought running gear with us, but decided sleeping until 10:30 was more important than a morning run. The only downside to the whole weekend is we didn't get a storm Saturday night; I love me a good thunderstorm at the cottage.

Both the Beau and I are looking at some crazy hours over the next few weeks at work and we've got some full weekends too, so it was lovely to have a few days together (with our kitty, of course) to do whatever we pleased, which amounted to bocce ball, beer and books.

And since it was the long weekend, we used the GPS to get us home not via the highways; by mostly avoiding the 400 and driving through farmland and smaller towns, we were able to extend the relaxed cottage feeling that much longer. And we figure it only added about 20 minutes to our drive, which is great too.

Now I feel relaxed and ready to face work again, to keep working on getting in shape and to be kinder to myself. AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #20 - and a hiatus

2011-06-30T11:22:00.000-04:00

Because of my crappy mood yesterday, I delayed the weigh-in until this morning. The result: 193.2 lb. It's a loss this week, but not much; I'm down 0.4 lb. But a loss is a loss and I'll take it.

I've also decided (just this morning, actually) that I'm taking July off from the scale. I've become so caught up in the number that I'm beginning to dread it and I'm basing way too much of my self-worth on that digital output. I'm not taking a break from being healthy though; I'm going to continue to work out and do my best to eat right and just relax for a month and see where that gets me.

I've also been thinking about Weight Watchers again. I contemplated it before but I wimped out - I'm so afraid of failure in a group setting that I just couldn't do it. But I think it might be time to reevaluate how I feel about it and give it a shot. With my work schedule, though, it might be tough for me to get to meetings so I might try the online program first. I'm not going to do much before the fall, but come September, I want to have a plan in place.

And that's just it - I need a plan and I need to give myself time. Sure, I'm not where I thought I'd be weight-wise but I'm making better changes in my lifestyle and that's a good thing. I'm working out more, I'm eating better, I'm getting my finances in good standing and, even if I'm not getting the medical answers I want, at least I'm getting answers. All in all, the first six months of 2011 have been pretty good to me.

Since it's the long weekend, the Beau and I are looking to get to the cottage for a few days, which will be just what I need. I was also recently in Parry Sound for a few days, which was a lovely break (even though I spent it redoing a bedroom at my mom's house - hard work!). A break is definitely going to be good for me - I need to stop evaluating myself on some number and start looking at all the wonderful things I have in my life and find my happiness there.

I still want to get my weight down to 170 lb and I'd like to be at 180 lb by the end of the summer. But for now, I'm going to enjoy the summer with those I care about (my kitty is on my lap as I type this, which makes for an interesting set-up) and just relax.

The Beau loves me the way I am so maybe I should spend some time doing the same. Who knows where that attitude will take me?!

"Normal"

2011-06-29T15:12:00.000-04:00

It's a stupid word, normal.

What is normal? Well, my blood sugar levels, for one. And my hormones, for another. And my thyroid and all the other things the vampiric medical establishment checked me for during my last round of blood work.

What's not normal? Me.

I had a follow-up appointment with yet another specialist today and he says I'm normal. Thing is, I'm not. My ovaries don't work and I have an endocrine condition, which is not normal. But the endocrine specialist doctor can't do anything for me because all the scientific, medical stuff says I'm normal.

Now, not only am I still not normal, I'm incredibly frustrated.

Why is it that we can diagnose me but not treat the condition? I'm fed up with only treating the symptoms. It's like having a car with an engine that isn't working properly and deciding that putting more air in the tires will help.

I was really counting on this appointment, too, to maybe finally shed some light on how I can start fixing myself. Maybe my expectations were too high; needless to say, I've been despondent and bummed out since finishing up. I couldn't come straight home after the appointment so I ended up going for an ambling walk and buying some yarn (Christmas is less than six months away, don'tcha know) and that helped for a bit - but then I had to walk home and walking always allows me time to think. And I started thinking about how disappointing my appointment was...and I was back to my good ol' despondent self.

I was referred to this specialist to see if there was something that could be done at the hormonal/endocrine level to help me with my weight issues. All the doctor said was to eat well and exercise. Okay, fine, I'll keep doing that but it's not helping. I last saw him in April and, since then, as per the scales at his office, I've lost about 2 lb in two months. I told him that was awful. He said it was good. All I can say is that losing 1 lb a month will not keep me motivated.

Which, of course, is making me wonder if I should even try at all. What good is it doing me, eating well and working out? If it's not going to help, then why bother? Apparently I'm normal, so I shouldn't have to change anything, right?

I know I'm feeling sorry for myself right now and I'll snap out of it (I hope) but all I feel like doing is throwing a pity party, so I'm going to wallow in it for a little while longer. It would just be so nice if some doctor - any doctor - could give me some kind of positive answer about my condition, instead of just saying I'm normal and to go on a diet.

I'm afraid it's just not that simple with me, as diagnosed by medical science. It's so nice of them to give me a problem with absolutely no solution.

The Hunger Games

2011-06-23T13:43:00.000-04:00

Reading is one of my greatest pleasures in life. It always makes me happy, even when the book is heart-breakingly sad. No matter my mood, I know I can find a book that will suit it and will take me into another world.

Every so often, I stumble upon a book that is so incredibly good, I don't want to keep reading it because I don't want it to end - but I have to keep reading it because I need to know what happens. Has that ever happened to you? One such book for me was The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova, which I still think about. Another was Her Fearful Symmetry, the second novel by Audrey Niffinegger (of The Time Traveler's Wife brilliance).

I've now found another such book, one that I can barely put down and one that will surely make me miss my subway stop at some point: The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.

(I'm very excited that these three books are all authored by women.)

One thing to note about The Hunger Games is that it's a young adult novel, with teenaged characters and adults existing mostly on the periphery. So what makes it work at an "old" adult level? This book isn't about emo teens, sitting in a dark corner listening to Linkin Park. Rather, it touches on issues that are important to teenagers - family, friends, success, love, acceptance - but are also issues for adults. These things don't end once we exit our teen years; what 20-/30-/40-something doesn't worry and wonder about their family, maintaining friendships, finding success in life, falling in love and finding that place in life where they are accepted not just by those around them but into what is around them? We may not be angsty as adults (or maybe we still are, we just hide it better) but the book dwells on issues that translate across both a younger and older audience. By doing this, the book stops being for young adults and starts being for everyone.

I'm twice as old as Katniss, the main protagonist, but I can still relate to her. She also makes me feel incredibly wimpy and weak, but you'll have to read the book to understand why. For me, that is great storytelling. The book also almost made me cry on the subway this morning and not many books make me cry.

There is one giveaway that it was written for a younger audience and that is the book is clearly plot-driven; it's always moving ahead and, though we learn about the characters and back stories are woven in to the narrative quite well, it's always getting us from point A to B to C, and on and on. (Although that is something else I enjoy in books; I'm not a fan of books where people have feelings at each other for 400 pages.)

One note of caution: The Hunger Games is book one of a trilogy. If you plan to read it, don't read the jacket copy of either the second or third book, lest you have the story spoiled. I made that mistake.

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #19 and dinner tonight

2011-06-22T21:02:00.000-04:00

Golden delicious polenta

We didn't publish an issue of the magazine last night, so I went to work today. Because of that, the Beau took on dinner-making duties tonight and made an amazing dinner of polenta topped with a spicy chicken and mushroom tomato sauce - so good! Polenta is one of our favourite carb substitutes; we buy it by the tube, slice it into thick disks and roast it in the oven so it's crisp on the outside but soft on the inside. Polenta is made of cornmeal so it's not white-flour heavy like pasta or bread, but it's still delicious and really filling. We've also started buying dried mushrooms because we both love mushrooms but can never cook the fresh ones quickly enough. The dried mushrooms work really well in a sauce and added a nice touch to tonight's dinner.

But on to the weigh-in. I didn't make it to the gym today, not because I didn't want to go but because it was so busy at work today that I didn't even get a break. I probably could have stayed a bit later than I did, but not getting a lunch break meant after-work errands and I wanted to get home in good time. Though I think a break from the gym was good for me; my muscles are a bit sore from weights yesterday and my shins were a bit achy (I've been stretching a lot because I really want to keep my running up!).

Tonight, the scale looked up at me and said 193.6 lb. That's 0.8 lb down from last week (yay!) but still not the 190.2 lb that will get me a book (boo). It's also not where I wanted to be but at least the number is going the right way.

I know I can do this and I have to really work at not getting frustrated. I also have to really work at making better choices and - this is most important - watching my portion sizes. I've mentioned this before and I'm still not doing what I need to do. But I am getting more vegetables and I've actually discovered I enjoy some fruit!

So I'll keep trying.

(Hm...can I blame the not-much weight loss on weight gain due to muscle gain? Somehow I think that's wishful thinking!)

Loan baloney

2011-06-22T20:37:00.000-04:00

I've become pretty obsessive about paying down my student loans and I get so impatient waiting for pay day! Thankfully, I get paid this Friday so I'll be able to make another big payment.

I've just checked my balances and here's where I stand:
CIBC: $4,062.54
NSLSC #1: $6,145.52
NSLSC #2: $2,047.75

That's a total of $12,255.81, which is actually $10.81 more than I owed last week. Damn you interest!

Back when I didn't have much money and could only (barely) make my minimum payments, I knew I was paying interest but I didn't pay much attention to it, mainly because I couldn't afford to do anything about it. But now that I'm making bigger payments and really making a dent in my loans, the extra interest I'm paying is really sucking. There's not much I can do about all the extra interest I've paid thus far, but it really is helping motivate me to get it paid down more.

I'm off next week and going to my mom's to spend some time with her, so I'm going to have to pay extra attention to my budget and make sure I don't overdo it; I really don't want to have to forgo putting extra money on my loan because I spend too much when I'm with my mom. We'll be redecorating a bedroom in her house and she's letting me make all the decorating choices...but I said I'd foot the bill since she's letting me pick everything. So I'll just have to make the right choices.

One student loan GONE

2011-06-16T21:31:00.000-04:00

I paid one off! Woo hoo! I still owe, you know, a bit but I've paid one of them off!

I still have these three left:
CIBC: $4,058.88
NSLSC #1: $6,140.22
NSLSC #2: $2,045.90

Total owing: $12,245.00

It feels SO GOOD to see this number going down! And within a couple of months I should have it below $10,000. Just like my weight, I'm going to keep chipping away at this too!Hide all

Up-Down Challenge Weigh-in #18

2011-06-16T21:23:00.000-04:00

I did weigh in this week, only I did it tonight instead of yesterday. Not that waiting the extra day really made much difference; it's still a gain. I'm now at 194.2 lb, so I'm up 2.8 lb. But I'm not discouraged; instead I'm blaming it on menstrual weight. Yeah, that's right, Aunt Flo paid a surprise visit and I've spent the week bloated and crampy and uncomfortable.

That's the thing when you don't menstruate every month - you forget what it's like and get used to not being bloated and crampy and uncomfortable. I've been guzzling the water all week but I've also been giving in to all the cravings that accompany my sporadic cycles. But I'm going to get back on track and be back on the scale next week and hope I have enough of a loss to get a new book (because I really need a new book).

That target again: 190.2 lb. I can do it!

Gym@work

2011-06-16T17:54:00.000-04:00

I went today, finally! I don't know why, but I was super nervous to use the work gym for the first time, but all was fine. I went at 3:30 and it was pretty empty, which was nice. As far as gyms go, it's a gym; it's the showering after that I always find awkward. I never really know what the proper etiquette is: do I strip down and wrap in a towel to walk to the gym? Do I wear my sweaty clothes and undress in the shower stall? Will people walk buck naked to and from the shower? It's all so puzzling.

I opted for the first option and stripped down, wrapped myself in a towel and, flip flops on feet, went and showered. It wasn't so bad today because I just did weights, so I wasn't too sweaty. Tomorrow when I run could be a bit more awkward and messy, especially since my towel barely covers my bum.

Oh well. We're all women, right? We all have the same bits and if you don't want to look, don't look.

I'm sure I'll be old hat at this whole thing in no time!